Horrible coincidence

LegacyUser

I'm really unhappy right now. I recently moved to the UK and I've been applying for jobs without success. Last week I had an interview, it went really well and I was thrilled to start today. Only I walked in and the first person I saw was my boyfriend's ex! They had a bad breakup last year with lots of bad feelings and she ended up moving away. I knew she was in my industry and I knew she was in this city, but what are the chances???! I nearly died on the spot. I don't think she knows who I am at all, I've only seen her once a long time ago, so I feel like I'm deceiving her. We had lunch together and all, and I think she wants to be friends at work as we're both Irish but it's sooo awkward! I constantly have to watch what I say, and it's so unnatural but how on earth can I tell her?! I'm so upset that I finally got the perfect job and it's with her. I feel so unlucky.:(

dory

For the sake of the job just try being friends. You might make her see that you're a very nice person and even though you're going out with a guy that she once also went out with, you two still could be friends, or at least civil.

Or just try to make sure she never finds out. Whichever works for you. Either way I think it's a very workable situation.

Danniboo

I think you should tell her who you are. If ye do become good friends and she finds out she'll feel deceived and humiliated. You should come clean and tell her you hope that you can still be friends and that you wanted to tell her out of respect for her. That's me personally it's what I would do, she'll respect you more for it in the end. At the end of the day any friendship or relationship under false circumstances is not a real relationship.

i-digress

On the bright side, at least you have a job. Which is a big thing nowadays.

Just because they had a messy break-up, doesn't mean they're not both nice people. I don't see it as that big a problem really.

LegacyUser

She is a nice girl, I like her. My boyfriend likes her as well. He just stopped loving her and she got really hurt. It's just such an awkward situation and no doubt she'd be shocked at the coincidence. I was thinking of just pretending I have no idea who she is either, but God forbid my boyfriend was visiting and bumped into her........it's like something from a movie!

LegacyUser

Tell her who you are, or rather that you know who she is, straight away.
The longer you leave it, the more awkard it will be when she finds out youher e are going out with ex.
It will come out in the end, because these things always do!

All you need to do is say 'you didn't used to go out with xxx, did you?' then say 'that is so mad, what a co-incidence'. I'm sure she'll be as keen as you to drop the subject at that point.

You didn't go out with her, nor did you dump her, and if your ex has only said nice things about her, you shouldn't have any problem with her at all.

Grasp the nettle! Otherwise this will come back and bite you on the a***.
Best of luck

Moomoo1

OP - try to find out if she's got anyone first. Maybe things won't be too bad.

LegacyUser

Danniboo wrote: »

I think you should tell her who you are. If ye do become good friends and she finds out she'll feel deceived and humiliated. You should come clean and tell her you hope that you can still be friends and that you wanted to tell her out of respect for her. That's me personally it's what I would do, she'll respect you more for it in the end. At the end of the day any friendship or relationship under false circumstances is not a real relationship.

Perfect advice. This is the right thing to do. Anything else will come back and haunt you.

beertons

Or pretend you don't know who she is. The bf never mentioned his ex. Puts you in the clear.

mood

What does your boyfriend think you should do?

Firetrap

I think you have no choice but to come clean about it as soon as you can. These things almost invariably come out in the wash.