depressed

LegacyUser

I am guy in forties

I am very depressed at having no relationship and will be alone at xmas again. Right now I am just writing and it may not be understandable. It seems only people i do not fancy fancy me and i do not want to be with the ugly ones.

I do not want to have to spend time with anyone at xmas if I do not have relationship so I wnt to avoid going to my parents but the others in the family, who I do not speak to, won't. I may committ suicide to avoid it.

I can be positive about meeting someone when alone at night but when I see people together it seems hopeless, fed up being alone. They all just want to be 'friends'.

I am using a friends pc and will not be at a pc again till tomorrow in case anyone thinks i do not answer any replies

How Soon Is Now

unregistered wrote: »

I am guy in forties

I am very depressed at having no relationship and will be alone at xmas again. Right now I am just writing and it may not be understandable. It seems only people i do not fancy fancy me and i do not want to be with the ugly ones.

I do not want to have to spend time with anyone at xmas if I do not have relationship so I wnt to avoid going to my parents but the others in the family, who I do not speak to, won't. I may committ suicide to avoid it.

Those two things aint gonna get you to many helpfull replies
Man i dunno seriously you need to start gettin new out look on life your in your 40s still single maybe you should start with one the so called ''Ugly ones'' :rolleyes:

mood

Maybe your standards are too high. I often see guys in the forties and fifties in pubs after young ones thinking they have a chance when really they don't.

I think your main problem is depression. I think you need to see your GP and get treatment and counseling.

dublingal80

suicide is never a solution

I agree with the above poster, you should go talk to your gp about possibly being depressed.

Spend xmas with your family, even if you dont want to be there, spend the day with them. Believe me, life is too short and god knows what could happen in the future.

If i knew last christmas it would be the last one i would have with my dad i would have literally hung out of him, annoying everyone taking pictures and making sure it was the best christmas ever.

miec

I'm sorry that you feel lonely Op but having a relationship is not going to cure you inside, you may think it will but it won't. You will just transfer that feeling to the person you hook up with and then the relationship will be doomed so being with someone is not the answer. You have to grow to like your own company and be comfortable with yourself. I don't know how you can do that but personally I would advocate therapy as it has worked for me. I thought a relationship could fulfil my needs, I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, being with someone is lovely but it can only truly work when you are at ease with yourself.

LegacyUser

I know where you're coming from with the Christmas with the folks thing.

I decided at thirty something that there was no way I was going to sit at home with the old folks like I was a middle aged 11 year old at Christmas time. Its bad enough being single for christs sake!

So I told them straight that I'd be back for Xmas when I was settled down but now was my time to live my life. So I went off on a solo holiday... and met a great guy instead!

Do whatever you want for Christmas, its your life and your Christmas - except killing yourself cause there's no way you'll ever meet her then ;-)

40s isn't too bad for a man. Women in their 30s and 40s are still accessible for you.

It sounds like you're suffering from depression and this is where you need to start. Do counselling, take up hobbies... take up hobbies that women do - cooking classes. yoga, hillwalking & of course internet dating. But you need to work on the attitude. I'd run a mile if I met a man giving off depression vibes. You need to get proactive about sorting your life out now and not let any more time pass by.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so low.
I have a friend who is in your similar situation.
He has a lot going for him.
You don't mention other problems in your post, like health or financial related, so apologies if I am assuming that apart from the absence of a relationship, the rest of your life is fine? or OK?
My friend has been introduced in the past year by us to about a dozen single women, all different of course, all attractive in their own way (not models nor celebrities lookalikes), all intelligent.
He didn't give any of them a chance.
Now, any single person would probably welcome the thought of been introduced to 12 nice single people!
He didn't say that they were ugly (like you wrote) but implicitely he means that "he can do better".
Now, when you wrote that whomever you fancy, does not fancy you, are you sure of that?
Are you pining for someone, I mean?
If yes, have you asked this person out and shown that you like her?
If not, do it!
If you have already and you are sure that this girl is not interested, move on!
Don't pine forever and ever for someone.
By doing this, you overlook all the other girls you meet, and you just dismiss them as ugly, while very likely they aren't.
When you see happy couples around you, try to see why they are happy.
It is not because they are perfect (i.e. the man is successfull and loaded and the girl has perfect body).
It is because they love each other as they are.
Ask your friends and family to introduce you to single girl, and when you meet them, give them a chance!
And see also the good things that you have got in your life; we all have one or two at least.
When you feel down, be thankful about the good things, and love yourself!

LegacyUser

talkwalk wrote: »

I'd run a mile if I met a man giving off depression vibes. .

OP here
Does that mean if your great guy gets depresed you will drop him? Lots of people have depresion . One girl i liked and asked out to be turned down had been in hospital with depression had several rounds of ECT and took an antidepressant and that did not put me off her. I would have been supportive of her

I do not mean to be harsh on yuo but depression can strike anyone anytime and does not respect background

Thanks for the reply

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the reply

username99 wrote: »

Hi OP,
.Now, when you wrote that whomever you fancy, does not fancy you, are you sure of that?

yes when i ask them out i am told they "want to be friends". The ones I call ugly are the one i do not fancy , they ask me out. I do not want to be with someone i do not find attractive

By doing this, you overlook all the other girls you meet, and you just dismiss them as ugly,

There aren't any other girls just one I do not fancy

When you see happy couples around you, try to see why they are happy.
It is because they love each other as they are.

There is no one i like as they are who reciprocates it

Ask your friends and family to introduce you to single girl, and when you meet them, give them a chance!

Do not want friends to know how i feel

LegacyUser

Sorry OP, I don't mean to be dismissive of people with depression.

But at first, second or third date stage I would be more attracted to someone who's upbeat and lively. I'm not that young either and I know what depression is (been there) and I know what I want in my life (someone self sufficient and positive). As people get to know you they accept the imperfections and the challenging bits. But if I just met someone I would not hang arund if they were gloomy or negative, at least not til after we've bonded. I don't think thats unreasonable. I just think to attract the women you want you need to A. deal with the depression & B. present yourself as a happier person.
I know, life isn't fair! But thats how it is.

jazzlewazzle

ok, first of all - fron reading your email I would say that you are prob not in a position to be in a relationship; this is based on your apparent negative state of mind.
I am no psychologist and I am not being mean but you seem to have a few unresolved issues that perhaps you should think about working on before looking for a relationship.
you prob know what I mean... work on your self esteem etc and then think about entering the dating game...

nothing more attracctive than a happy confident person by the way

ash23

OP, you do not seem to be in a place for a relationship.

If you do meet someone and like her and she likes you, there are no garauntees that it will be a happy ever after.
Relationships are hard and they take work. They have ups which are amazing and downs which can make you feel your world might end.

You are not strong enough at the moment to cope with the potential downs and perhaps the women you find attractive, can sense this and don't want to get involved with you because of it.

I understand that anyone can suffer from depression. It runs in my family and I am well aware it could hit me at some point. I had a slight bout of PND after my child was born.

However I sought help.

I would stand by the man I loved if he were suffering from depression but up to a point. He would need to be proactive and seek help. He would need to be willing to go to his GP and take advice and follow it through, be it counselling or medication.
He would need to be willing to get better. If he weren't I couldn't stay with him.

You think getting a girlfriend will make everything ok. It won't. You need to sort yourself out and get help for your depression. You need to open up to friends and family about how low you are feeling.
When you are better, then worry about a relationship. Until then, concentrate on yourself and what you need to do to find happiness that doesn't rely on another person.

LegacyUser

There is no one i like as they are who reciprocates it

Do not want friends to know how i feel

Hi OP,
If you don't want to tell your friends that you are feeling low about being single and the upcoming Christmas (I think you should tell them, by the way. That's what friends are for), anyway if you don't want to tell them this, what about telling them that you would love to meet someone, and would they know any single girls that they can introduce you to?
This would be a first positive step towards meeting someone new.

mood

jazzlewazzle wrote: »

ok, first of all - fron reading your email I would say that you are prob not in a position to be in a relationship; this is based on your apparent negative state of mind.
I am no psychologist and I am not being mean but you seem to have a few unresolved issues that perhaps you should think about working on before looking for a relationship.
you prob know what I mean... work on your self esteem etc and then think about entering the dating game...

nothing more attracctive than a happy confident person by the way

I agree. You need to be treated for your depression asap.

I would stand by a man I loved if he was depressed link Ash23 said but he would have to get help etc. He would also need to be a man I am already in love with. To enter into a relationship with someone who is depressed would be very hard and it would be unlikely you would fall in love with them.

I bet when you sort out your depression you will meet someone.

Emme

unregistered wrote: »

I am guy in forties

I am very depressed at having no relationship and will be alone at xmas again. Right now I am just writing and it may not be understandable. It seems only people i do not fancy fancy me and i do not want to be with the ugly ones.

I do not want to have to spend time with anyone at xmas if I do not have relationship so I wnt to avoid going to my parents but the others in the family, who I do not speak to, won't. I may committ suicide to avoid it.

I can be positive about meeting someone when alone at night but when I see people together it seems hopeless, fed up being alone. They all just want to be 'friends'.

I am using a friends pc and will not be at a pc again till tomorrow in case anyone thinks i do not answer any replies

There's no reason why you should be single but you definitely need to see your GP pronto if you're having suicidal thoughts.