Serious issue with the family. Help.

LegacyUser

My husband and I recently decided we would spend Christmas in Florida. I told my 2 sisters(who still live at home) and my parents. My 2 sisters started crying and told us we were being selfish because they wanted to have our young son around for Christmas.
I am accused of cutting them out and being unfair for taking my son away for christmas.
I have to add that during the summer my parents took my son to Spain for 2 weeks which I had no problem with and my sisters want to take him to eurodisney next yr which I also don;t have a problem with.
I am very frustrated as they fail to see that we are the parents and are entitled to make decisions regarding our child. My husband is extremely upset about it and wants to cancel the holiday. I also have to add that my sister got so aggresive about it that she almost threw a chair.
Are we being selfish or am I missing something?

Taltos

I think it is wonderful that you are so close to your family.
My family are also similarly close.

But... (there always is one no matter how we dress it up)

But - you are the parents and you, your OH and your children (child in this case) are your immediate and over-riding concern.
Don't get upset or show emotion with your sisters when they behave like this - conscious or not this is a real form of emotional blackmail. And I really really have a major problem with people who do this.

Goto Florida and have a wonderful time, you will build great memories over there - just do NOT let their behaviour impact how you get on over there.

I have no idea how old your sisters are or their own particular situations - ie spinsters, barren, childless, lonely, needy, egotistical, generous etc.

However - despite going to Florida or not - did they not think that taking your child at Christmas might be a little odd or disruptive?

Here is the thing - you need to be consistent in your message - and keep the emotion out of it. Once they see that you are determined they will stop (well if they are reasonable).
Worst case - just ask them why they seem so intent on spoiling the "lovely family holiday" you have planned with "your family" - this wording is important.

It is great they want to be involved in your son's life - but he is your son. And it is your family - this comes first...
Yes you and your OH love how they are involved in your son's life - but you cannot allow aunts/uncles/grandparents from either side to dictate how you and your OH live your lives. You might need to scale back on some of their activities but better to nip it now.

cafecolour

Some folks get really fixated on Christmas - wanting the whole family to be together. In addition, a lot of folks enjoy christmas more seen though the eyes of a young child. Obviously this isn't always realistic - if your sister's get married and everyone is negotiating whose inlaws to spend christmas at etc.

I'd stand your ground and stick to your Florida holiday. However, tell your sisters and mother that since you'll be gone for the actual day, you'd be happy to get exchange gifts and have a family celebration before you go or when you come back.

fend

Have they not thought about the child in this equation? The child may be really excited to go on holidays, do not cancel!! Explain that this is something you are all looking forward to and that believe it or not the child will not have forgotten them over the Christmas holidays!!!!

You are the parents. Nip this in the bud now before it gets totally out of hand. Whats to say that next year, your summer holidays will be disrupted by your family? Or Easter? etc. Take control. Too many chefs spoil the broth.

davej

Get your selfish sister to explain to your son why he can't go to Florida/Disneyland for Christmas..

bSlick

This is outrageous behaviour from your sisters. They have literally no right to dictate how your family spends its christmas. Yes, you have your own family now and you make your xmas plans to suit it and not your siblings. Rather than them being angry at you, it is you who should be the one who is angry over having your xmas plans dictated to.

You also say your husband is thinking about cancelling the holiday which obviously means you're going to lose money which makes their demands even more ridiculous. What age are these sisters, they sound incredibly immature and selfish. They sound like the type of people who believe the world revolves around them. Its about time they realized it doesn't.

I know some people with young children and if they decided to go abroad for xmas their siblings wouldn't dream of saying a word to them about it as it would be highly inappropriate. Don't let your selfish, highly strung siblings dictate your life op. And tell them you don't appreciate their behaviour in this situation at all and you won't be entertaining it in future either.

deisemum

I'm actually shocked by your sisters. Talk about outragious behaviour and then to get aggressive, I'd be rethinking how much involvement I'd let them have with your child if that's the kind of irrational behaviour they're portraying.

What if you wanted to spend christmas with the inlaws? Would they demand you don't?

Go on your holiday and don't waste your time and energy thinking about them when you're gone.

bronte

Go on the holiday.
They don't sound like people I would want to spend Christmas with tbh.
If you give in this time it will always be this way.
Your son is not some form of holiday entertainment for them.
Enjoy the trip!