The longer you spend single, the harder it gets to meet people?

ash23

Anyone else find this or is it just me?
Approaching 18 months single now and I've realised I haven't met anyone new of interest since the start of the summer.
When I was single first I seemed to meet someone new every few weeks.
Its not bothering me but I'm just wondering really.

I'm finding I'm not overly interested in meeting new guys. I've got my "sure it won't work out anyway" head on and though emotionally I'm much more able for a relationship now than I was this time last year, I was meeting and attracting more guys when I was emotionally messed up (the wrong ones of course!)

How do I get back into the swing of it again. I'm just so tired of the whole thing, it feels like it's no longer worth the effort. Im very blasé about it all.

Is that the way it goes after a while? Or is it just a phase? Anyone else losing the will to date?

G-Money

I am in the same boat, except it's been about 10 times longer for me. Sometimes I just get fed up with the whole thing and think it's just not worth the hassle. I've met quite a few girls from online and stuff in the last year but it never went past the first date. I'm actually supposed to meet a girl tonight but in my head it's like "Sigh, what's the point? Nothing will come of it". That's not a reflection on her, just a reflection on my luck so to speak.

Sometimes I really think about just forgetting about women altogether for a while and just focusing on something else.

BumbleB

I used to a chronic insomniac ,I used to toss and turn get frustrated and stressed that I couldn't sleep , I tried drinking loads of alcohol,watch tv all night and other things ,the stage came where i was so pssed off getting stressed over lack of sleep thatIi didn't care any more .After that I slept like a log.


No I'm not losing the will to date because dates are super fun !!!!.

dublingal80

my ex was such a **** that when i was single I had no interest in meeting anyone at all. Any guy that came near me I couldnt have cared about what so ever. I was happy to be with my friends on a night out. It was about 2 and a half years later that I met my OH, and even the night I met him, I had no interest in guys whatsoever!

When you stop looking you will find someone lovely Just enjoy your singledom cos you wont have it forever!

BaZmO*

I know it might seem like a cliche but if you're projecting the image of "what's the point!" or "dating is sh1t, why do I bother?" you're not exactly putting your best foot forward.

Most of the time a successful date comes off the back of just letting go and being relaxed and having some, to a potential suitor that stuff is infectious.

BraziliaNZ

I don't know, you're a chick, I imagine you get opportunities all the time, maybe you don't fully want to be with someone?
In my case, I get chances every now and again, but I always pick flaws in women and want better, so I am never that pushed with them. Who cares, I'm much happier on my own when everything is going well anyway. I only seem to meet girls I have a real connection with every couple of years, and it always just happens out of the blue. In the meantime, look after yourself, be happy, enjoy life while you can, because before you know it you'll have babies and kids tearing your hair out and a husband that gets fatter and uglier every time you look at him.

Partizan

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I don't know, you're a chick, I imagine you get opportunities all the time, maybe you don't fully want to be with someone?
In my case, I get chances every now and again, but I always pick flaws in women and want better, so I am never that pushed with them. Who cares, I'm much happier on my own when everything is going well anyway. I only seem to meet girls I have a real connection with every couple of years, and it always just happens out of the blue. In the meantime, look after yourself, be happy, enjoy life while you can, because before you know it you'll have babies and kids tearing your hair out and a husband that gets fatter and uglier every time you look at him.

+1

I'm in the same boat as you. Had the 1 nighters but every now and then someone comes along that I can connect with and a relationship ensues for a while. I have been single for the past year but I still enjoy the dates and the odd fling that comes my way.

OP, enjoy life and when you least expect it, <BAM> it happens. Go with the flow.

ash23

Well I already have the kid so I'm already tearing my hair out


Why do guys think it's so easy for girls? It really isn't. I don't get lots of opportunities. Well, I get lots of opportunities from guys who'd get up on a cracked plate. Ones who don't care what you look like or are like so long as you'll put out.

I just find when I go out I used to make an effort to chat to boys. Now I'm just "meh, where's the bar?"

Edited to add......guys down here don't "do" dates. I have been asked on one date. EVER! In my whole 27 years and he cancelled lol.

So I have never been on a date. It just isn't the norm in my area or age group. A guys idea of asking you out is checking what pub you're going to that night. Or maybe dating does happen. I just have never heard of it happening to anyone I know outside of Dublin/Galway.

So not so much sick of going on nice dates as opposed to sick of a guy eyeing me up from the pub for weeks before finally making conversation (again for weeks) and finally kissing him only to find out "he's not looking for a girlfriend". Or maybe that only happens to me

BraziliaNZ

ash23 wrote: »

Well I already have the kid so I'm already tearing my hair out


Why do guys think it's so easy for girls? It really isn't. I don't get lots of opportunities. Well, I get lots of opportunities from guys who'd get up on a cracked plate. Ones who don't care what you look like so or are like so long as you'll put out.

I just find when I go out I used to make an effort to chat to boys. Now I'm just "meh, where's the bar?"

Well harsh but true but guys are also less likely to go for people with kids, especially if they are in their 20s.

I suppose I just think it's easier for you because I've shared flats with women and all my female friends never seem to go more than a few weeks without getting some kind of action whereas I can go 6 months without a peck on the cheek. Plus anytime i go to bars or anywhere with them they would have guys swarming them the whole night where I could quite easily not talk to anyone at all, and I'm quite easy to talk to!

Beetlebum

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I don't know, you're a chick, I imagine you get opportunities all the time, maybe you don't fully want to be with someone?
In my case, I get chances every now and again, but I always pick flaws in women and want better, so I am never that pushed with them. Who cares, I'm much happier on my own when everything is going well anyway. I only seem to meet girls I have a real connection with every couple of years, and it always just happens out of the blue. In the meantime, look after yourself, be happy, enjoy life while you can, because before you know it you'll have babies and kids tearing your hair out and a husband that gets fatter and uglier every time you look at him.

Ha ha...I was sitting in work in a grumpy mood then I read that and cheered right up. It sums it up bluntly but honestly.

Ash, I've read a few of your posts on here and you seem like a very strong, independent, sound girl who knows exactly what she wants. I would imagine your standards are quite high and so they should be. You also have a daughter (I believe) which would make your time more restricted but you will definitely meet someone at some stage so enjoy being single while you can.

I know exactly how you're feeling though and it's irritating when people keep saying 'oh, he'll come across when you least expect it' or 'You never know, he could be just around the corner!'. I got that alot and felt like telling them to shut up. S*x was also an issue for me. I missed it so much when I was single and OnS just don't do it for me. I craved intimacy and genuine affection. I missed caring about someone and having someone care about me. I even went back to an idiot ex bf a few times just to feel wanted.

I hate to say it but try to relax and not focus on me. Continue doing what you're doing and it will happen. If you're going out at the weekend make sure you feel your best. Curl your hair, wear your little black dress, whatever it is that makes you beam with confidence.

I know it's tough but keep on truckin'!

ash23

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Well harsh but true but guys are also less likely to go for people with kids, especially if they are in their 20s.

Ah well, maybe there's the crux of the issue.
Still, she's not going anywhere so love me, love my mini me

BraziliaNZ

ash23 wrote: »

Ah well, maybe there's the crux of the issue.
Still, she's not going anywhere so love me, love my mini me

Yeah, but it wont be an issue when you meet someone who loves you, anyway minime should be the most important thing in your life!

ash23

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Yeah, but it wont be an issue when you meet someone who loves you, anyway minime should be the most important thing in your life!

Oh she is. But gotta live my life for me too, not just for her.
She's worse, practically pushing me out the door at the weekends, asking me after nights out if I met anyone. She's made the connection that

"mammy going out = mammy meeting boys = mammy getting a boyfriend = mammy getting married = baby brother or sister" :rolleyes:

She has the wedding planned and went through a phase of asking the fathers of friends if they were single. And the postman, plumber, guy filling the petrol...... Cringe

BraziliaNZ

How old are you?

ash23

27. Why?

BraziliaNZ

i thought you were 23 with that name. But yeah at 27 the having the kid thing probably wouldn't be an issue with blokes my age and up (I'm 29). Or younger I don't know I'm only going on my opinions.

ash23

Lol, I should change it! It was true when I joined many moons ago.

Yeah, I am still finding guys are wary when it comes to the little madam. But thats their perogative.

Some don't mind and some do and some are just arseholes. :rolleyes:

Guess it's a game of trial and error. It's been error after error so far but it's all a numbers game. I'm eliminating the idiots and eventually "Ka-ching!".

I just have to start bothering again I guess. I'm turning into one of those people who gets irritated by a guy trying to talk to her and I hate those girls
No harm chatting to someone for a few minutes. Must keep telling myself that!

themusicman

Guess it's a game of trial and error. It's been error after error so far but it's all a numbers game. I'm eliminating the idiots and eventually "Ka-ching!".

I just have to start bothering again I guess. I'm turning into one of those people who gets irritated by a guy trying to talk to her and I hate those girls
No harm chatting to someone for a few minutes. Must keep telling myself that![/quote]

You have hit the nail on the head. There is a fine line between interest/no interest/overkeen when you are talking to someone. Bothering again is probably a good place to start.

Definitely no harm in chatting to some one. Even if it doesnt develop it does make you appear more approachable, and thats a good thing. Its always the chatty ones that attract the attention.

BTW i am no expert. can I suggest to you that you imagine what you would post in reply to someone else who posed the same question. You have form for being very perceptive.

Most importantly enjoy looking. The journey is as important as the destination!

ash23

themusicman wrote: »

can I suggest to you that you imagine what you would post in reply to someone else who posed the same question. You have form for being very perceptive.

Tee hee. I'm (sadly) like the cobbler whose kids have no shoes


Ah I know myself I've just gotten bored of it all. It doesn't excite me. The idea of going out and meeting someone new just doesn't get me all geared up the way it used to.

I'm trying something totally different this weekend. Not going out to the pub, instead am going to go to a comedy gig, followed by a table quiz, and the morning after am going to a craft fair followed by a pet farm

I'm just finding the whole "going out" thing very tedious and "meh", take it or leave it.

Last guy I met and saw for a bit was when he was broken down at the side of the road. I had jump leads and knew how to use them. he was suitably mortified that he didn't
Ran into him a few days later, he bought me a drink. It didn't work out but goes to show, opportunity is everywhere

LegacyUser

I was single for ages and then ended up with a friend I had known all my life but just never saw in "that way" until one night when something just clicked with us. We are now really happy together.

So you never know, it could be somebody you have known forever or a stranger you help out, but there are possibilities out there. Dont give up!