On a Break

LegacyUser

Short Summary below:

My Girlfriend and I have been with each other for over 6 years after metting each other in our final year of College. We have been living with each other almost from the beginning, which in hindsight was a mistake.

We have travelled the world, had great times, we have rowed like most couples (no major rows though), went through sad times and she is really my best friend. She has recently gone back to college to pursue a new career and is doing well and I am really proud of her.

She decided last week that she wanted us to have a break and that she was going to move in with her family for a while. This has hit me for six!! I do understand her reasons, that she wants to see if we are meant to be together, if I'm the one and as much as it hurts me to say it, to see if she loves me as since going back to college, she has begun to have doubts, had been attracted to other men etc... So, this time apart and space would make her see things clearer!

We are still in daily contact and have met up for a drink afew times. Its been nice and i look forward to hearing from her and meetinig up (I dont contact her too much as I do want to give her the space she wants and needs) What it has really made me realise is that I am truely and madly in love with this girl and missing her, not having her around, waking up beside her is so, so hard....

She is studying hard for exams so I dont want to stress her by talking about us too much or asking questions that i would like to ask (but probably shouldnt) I am away with work next week for 10 days or so as well, so perhaps this time away could do some good (or maybe the opposite)

Really I am scared that this could be It but of course, all i want is for her to be happy, even if its not with me....

Thing is, I wanted to see if anybody had any experience of something similar or had gone through the same thing - will things ever be the same, do breaks like these usually end up with the relationship finishing - that kind of thing

Any advice or well anything would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading (I had meant the post to be shorter)

LegacyUser

Dear OP,
I went through a similar situation with my boyfriend. I decided I needed a break to figure out what I wanted. I thought I was no longer in love with him and thought I wanted to be with someone else. I even started seeing another man for a little while. My boyfriend began by begging to see me and telling me how much he loved me and didn't want to lose me. This completely turned me off.
He then proceeded to stop calling or contacting me at all. When I would ask him to see me he would tell me he was busy until I had to ask him 2-3 times. He was never rude or mean, always very polite and sincere. Him acting like he was going to leave if I didn't cop on made me realise how much I loved him. I know it seems like it would be impossible not to contact her, but trust me it works. You sound like a great guy and she needs to realise that if she doesn't pay attention to you, you could leave her. Don't let her have complete control over you! Don't answer her phone calls right away and don't text her back immediately. You have a life too! Have fun without her around, even if it seems like you can't. When she realises you could move on without her, it will kill her!
I know it sounds really hard to do, but it made me literally beg for him to be with me again and it made our relationship so much stronger afterwards! Best of luck!

Miss Fluff

Aw you poor thing, you sound like such a nice guy.

I think in a situation like this you have to give her the space to actually let her miss you. And by that I mean no contact whatsoever. No emails/calls/texts/meeting up....literally nada. Right now everything is on her terms, meeting you for drinks etc just isn't fair, she gets to see you and spend time with you when she feels like it and I'm sure it's only confusing you.

Tell her you won't be contactable for a while as away with work and stick to it my friend. Sometimes you have to remove yourself totally from someone/something to see the whole picture. While she still has the benefit of having you in her life, there is no reason whatsoever for her to get back with you if you're still there to help her with her emotional needs. Cut her out. I think the saying goes, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were."

D-Generate

When I hear of couples talking about a break, I immediately think that one member of the couple fancies someone else and wants to try it on with them. If they do knock boots with the other person and it seems good then the break becomes a full on break up. On the otherhand if things don't work out then they fortunately have someone in the wings waiting for them.
Lets face it bud, your girlfriend has eyes for someone else and wants you as a back up in case it doesn't work out. By being there for her all the time and wanting to contact her you only reinforce the fact that she can go out there and get laid and she still can stay with you.

If you want her back, call her bluff and tell her that you want to break up because you don't believe in breaks. Then drop contact with her. When she realizes that her talking about all this break stuff has caused her to be rejected she will soon be trying to get you two back together. Furthermore I think she will be unlikely to jeapordize the potential getting back together with you by sleeping with someone else.

Its happened to me and to some of my buddies, where their girlfriend has eyed up someone and wanted a break. Being a lovesick puppy, I acted a lapdog for her and was at her side whenever she wanted. I grew a brass pair though when I realized that asking for a break is a selfish act and I couldn't be with someone selfish like that who will play with my emotions whilst trying to have their cake and eat it.

LegacyUser

I am sorry to hear your trouble.

Basically, I am in a similiar situation myself. just started a break after 6 years. It was me that initiated it, he agreed. I too have similiar reasons to your girlfriend. just need some breathing space. Not that i am going to go off with anybody else or anything. Just want to me be for a while and had questions ...is he the one etc... I mean we all only have one chance at life and if you have to take a week, a month a year away to figure things out then it's ok.

he is not texting or calling me. I am happy that he is out there living life and if we do get back together hopefully we will be able to keep some boundaries that we are building now! I too am studying and find it easier to focus and will be happy to meet and discuss where we are going but only after a significant period off.

All i can say is stay strong, be independent. You may not get a chance for this independence ever again. Live your life because at the end of the day you will either break up or get back together. If you break up, things won't be so harsh because you will have made a independent life for you and if you get back together you will be a more content rounded person.

I hope this makes sense to you. and good luck.

Nigel Farage

What dgenerate said, whilst sounding harsh, is exactly the truth. I don't think its ever as clear cut as simply wanting a break. There always appears to be another motive.

krudler

Been there myself, what "i need a break to see if we can be apart but still be together" really means "there are other guys i could hook up with, you wait here and I'll be back in a bit when they dont work out but i get it out of my system, cheers"

now thats not always the case, she may genuinely want to see if being apart will make your relationship stronger, but dont take it lying down either, hope it works out

Sephiroth_dude

Just let her have her space and dont crowd her or anything,give her time to miss you,break suck ass so I hope it works out for ya.

supermouse

Ah god that sounds awful tough on you OP, you sound like a lovely man.

I believe in fate, call me old fashioned, but i believe whats for you will never pass you and everything works out for a reason. I do also believe in breaks. I can see whypeople see them as a way out, but sometimes you need to take a step back from things to gain perspective and realize what it is you really want.

I dont agree with the drinks/contact thing though. Now, coming from me with my track record i should be taking my own advise, but cut contact!! Having that contact there is providing you a false sense of security. Imagine how you're gonna feel if she turns around and says no im sorry i cant be with you.. but since ye were meeting often it wasnt the impression you got.

I would cut contact, take it easy, focus on yourself for a while and leave her be. She will come to you when she's ready. Hopefully it will be running back into your arms..! I really really hope it works out for you, stay strong mate!