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The Ventriloquist

  • 24-11-2009 10:34pm
    #1
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,356 ✭✭✭


    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs. One night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.

    With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes when a blond in the 4th row stands on her chair and launches into a tirade…

    "I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person - Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds, but women in general, and you disguise your contempt behind a cover phrase called 'humor!' Well, I know better. I don't appreciate what you say one bit! And it isn't funny!"

    The embarrassed ventriloquist stammers as he begins to apologize. The blond easily interrupts him and yells, "You stay out of this, Mister! I'm talking to that little **** man on your knee and if he doesn't shut up I'm gonna come up there and smash his face in!"

    A wife comes home early to find her husband in bed with a strange woman.

    She says, "That's it, I'm leaving & never coming back."

    He says, "Don't you at least want to hear my explanation?"

    She shrugs & says, "Fine, let's hear your story. This had better be good!"

    He says, "Well, I'm driving along the street, when I see this young lady in torn clothes, no shoes, all muddy & crying. I took pity on her and asked if she would like to get cleaned up in my house. She climbed into my truck and I brought her home. She took a shower, I gave her the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the silk blouse and slacks that I bought you 2 years ago that you wore once, the $150 Nike running shoes you bought & wore only twice. I gave her some of the leftover roast beef from the fridge that has just been sitting there. Then I showed her to the door. She was so grateful, for all these things, she thanked me profusely. As she was about to leave she turned around and asked me, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'
    …And here we are."


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