explanation

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

Long story short, been seeing this "friend" for few year now. I love him. He has made it clear that we wont ever have a relationship so i guess its more a fb relationship.

Anyhow 3 weeks ago i picked him up from pub after some match. He had a good bit of drink on him. He got so cross with me out of no where and started telling me i would never compare to his ex and that did i honestly think i ever stood a chance with him etc. He went on to tell me he couldnt stand me most of the time. this fella rings me nearly every day and has done for years. I know everything about his life as he tells me everything and looks to me for advice etc. I was so upset i havent spoke to him since.

He has since sent me few texts one that nite after i got home saying "i didnt bring you up here for a fight but i knew i had tell you soon your wasting you time with a bollow like me, hope you got home safe". didnt reply, Next night he rang and i didnt answer. Then i got another message the following day saying "hi how are you? Things i said the last day could have been said in a better way, i tried ringing you yesterday to tell you so but..." Then yesterday i get a text that says "i dont know whats going on in your head but i think i deserve an explanation. Is it so hard to get in touch? Wise up please.

Im baffled as to this. Why does he deserve any explanation from me or does he??? Am i missing something?

davyjose

Tell him to f*ck off, and be done with him. Offer him nothing. He's a cruel assh0le.

Gyalist

Can't see why you are baffled. He explicitly told you how he felt then reiterated it the next day (albeit in a softer tone).

He doesn't deserve an explanation from you. In fact, you'd be quite foolish to continue contact with anyone who treats you like that.

shellyboo

OMG, this guy sounds like a carbon copy of a dude I had a dalliance with previously. So familiar it could even be the same guy. Acts like a complete and utter tool, treats women like shlt, and then gets pissy when you try to cut him out.

Do yourself a MASSIVE favour, OP - block his number, stop taking his calls. Cut him out.

LegacyUser

I'd reply and say something like "I don't owe you anything, never mind an explanation. You made your feelings quite clear. You are a cruel bastard and I want nothing more to do with you.".

No matter how you felt about him, he demonstrated that he has no respect for you. He is an absolute ass and you need to get him out of your life. He was obviously trying to hurt you, and he succeeded. He used you for years and you let him. He's probably feeling guilty now, but do not forgive him for that.

Colonel_McCoy

get rid of him now

How Soon Is Now

Dont ring him or txt him or anything leave the ignorant ****e be and trust me your better off.

If what he said when he was drunk is true *more then likely is cause it comes out when theres a few drinks had* Then he has being using you and messing you around you dont deserve this and deffo should not explain yourself to him you have nothin to explain you did nothin at all wrong as far as i can see.

Kiera

Do not contact him. He knows he fecked up so leave him to it. He wants an explanation from you to ease the guilt he is feeling from his “freak out”.

LegacyUser

You poor sod. This is a horrible situation. Honestly, I agree with the other posters. He's been absolutely hateful to you. He may have been doing it to make sure you were on the same page as he is, but the manner in which he has done it is disgusting. Not only are you now hurt because of what he said, he is now essentially looking for forgiveness. I think I would be inclined text him back and say something along the lines of "No need for us to be in contact, your feelings towards me are perfectly clear and understood. Please do not contact me again", and then to be honest, I would get a new number. This way you are acknowledging his texts and his request and also taking control of the situation.

Good luck. You deserve better. Hopefully you will meet someone soon who is looking for the same things you are.

dublingal80

O.M.G. What an Absolute "$%$£%!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whatever you do DONT text him back. get him out of your life, the sooner the better. There is NO WAY he could have a good explaination for what he said to you, and i wouldnt even text him any smart replies either.

Just leave it be and move on

prick!

mood

Get rid of him for good. You should have long ago when you realised you loved him but he didn't want a proper with you. Why prolong the pain!

dsmythy

He seems to be telling you he's a tool and not to bother with him. I'd take his own advice and ignore him.

Oryx

If (and only if)you feel it would bring the matter to a close, then I agree with other posters that you should tell him in a short, not so sweet, and final way, that you are clear on how he feels, and no longer consider him a friend. And that you dont wish to be in touch with him anymore.

And let that be it, dont engage in any further communication. It sounds to me like the guy wants to be free to say whatever the hell he likes to you, and to not have to consider your feelings in the slightest, and yet, he thinks he can still continue on with you. Life and feelings dont work that way, and you need to stay away from him. He sounds toxic.

MissFlitworth

Nah, you're not missing anything OP. He doesn't deserve an explanation and he doesn't need one either, he knows exactly what's going on and why you aren't in touch with him. He's probably looking for you to reassure him that you're ok and he's not a total f*cktard for what he did, don't give him the satisfaction! Good on you ignoring the calls and texts. I'd definitely agree with just cutting him out of your life and ignoring him.

ash23

Jeepers!
As cruel and all as he has been in what he said to you, he hasn't bothered his hole to attempt an apology. He has basically reiterated what he said and said he meant it but could have said it better. What a total shi*!!!


I had a brief fling with a guy like this before. i couldn't understand why he could be so mean at times and rude and arrogant. Was talking to him one night and basically same thing, he was hung up on his ex and basically hated women. I was to blame for all his inadequacies with me apparantly :rolleyes:

So I stopped speaking to him and the longer I did it the more annoyed he got.

I mean how dare I ignore him. I was dirt beneath his feet and I was ignoring him! The cheek of me to not hang around and allow myself to be dissed by this total waste of fresh air!


OP, you know yourself that this guy is using you for sex, he doesn't like you, never mind love you! He never will. You are wasting your time with him and while you are hung up over him, you're closing yourself off from a decent guy who will thank you when you do him a favour, not abuse you.

I woudn't engage him again. I don't think speaking to him again will give you any closure. I think it will just let him wheedle his way back into your affections or let him make you feel guilty for ignoring him. He has told you all you need to know. Don't give him any more of your time because he most definitely does NOT deserve it. B@stard!

LegacyUser

Hi all thanks so much for your replies. Im so upset i just got this message few mins ago "i see you have already taken me off facebook.... thanks you saved me the bother you childish little girl. time u grew up" am raging. w@nker

username123

unregistered wrote: »

Hi all thanks so much for your replies. Im so upset i just got this message few mins ago "i see you have already taken me off facebook.... thanks you saved me the bother you childish little girl. time u grew up" am raging. w@nker

He must be freaked out that he is being ignored, serves him right for the way he behaved.

Stay strong OP, nothing hurts like being blanked and this guy really sounds like he deserves to be blanked. And its clear its doing his head in.
Just delete his texts and comfort yourself with the knowledge that its costing him time, money and emotional investment to send them. But it costs you nothing to delete them.

Stay away from him and in future only stick with a guy who treats you with respect, if you want a relationship but are being maintained as an FB then dont stick around - you get what you settle for and all that.

Oryx

unregistered wrote: »

Hi all thanks so much for your replies. Im so upset i just got this message few mins ago "i see you have already taken me off facebook.... thanks you saved me the bother you childish little girl. time u grew up" am raging. [EMAIL="w@nker"]w@nker[/EMAIL]

Just want to point out that you should ignore this taunt for the angry rant of a childish man. Calling you childish. As if. He has the emotional maturity of an amoeba, and I want to make sure that even if you are raging, you realise he is full of it.

SheRa

OP he is a cruel w@nker alright.

But you have to see the positive side of this, otherwise it will eat you up inside. For the past few years you have been in love with him and so understandably wasn't interested in anyone else. At least now you see him for what he is, and in time you WILL get over this and will be with someone that will treat you well and will love you the way that you love him.

Mind yourself. xx

opinion guy

unregistered wrote: »

Hi all thanks so much for your replies. Im so upset i just got this message few mins ago "i see you have already taken me off facebook.... thanks you saved me the bother you childish little girl. time u grew up" am raging. w@nker

Have to say I know how you feel here. Its incredibly annoying when the person being childish turns around and tells you that you are the one being childish, especially when you've had the good grace not to say it to them.

To be perfectly honest what I think is going on here is that this guy has no selfesteem and is being self-destructive by sabotaging the one thing he as that is probably any good for him - you!! So I think you are better off without. I'm sorry for what you are going through thou


Edit: Hmmm don't be surprised if at some point he changes his mind and comes crawling back all apologies when he's realised he's made a huge mistake. Don't be surprised, but be ready.

Miss Fluff

Do not engage with him in any shape or form. Pretend he is dead. Seriously, this guy is so toxic and for every moment you have him in your life you are actually depriving yourself of real happiness and the chance to meet someone who deserves you.

Forget his name calling/pleas/reasoning and ignore him like you are doing. Good girl for deleting him from facebook. Delete his messages without reading them. And ignore any sudden declarations of love further down the line. He is a card carrying using b@stard who will die lonely. Be thankful he did you the biggest favour of your life by insulting you. Seriously.

LegacyUser

Sounds like a bit of a bully. You're a silly little girl? Seems to me that you are the only one in this situation showing any sort of maturity and dignity. Seriously, as per my previous text, I would tell him very politely to get lost and change my number. Don't even let him get through to you. Good luck!!

LegacyUser

Thank you all so much for your replies. I really appreciate them. i wrote here because i was starting to doubt myself and think i was beginning to believe that maybe it was me that was been childish but glad to put things into perspective. Took myself down to carphone warehouse today for new phone number. Thanks everyone.

Moomoo1

OP - maybe he doesn't remember what he said that time?

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

OP - maybe he doesn't remember what he said that time?

Hi Moomoo1. Thanks for your reply.

I really would love to believe that but its not the first time he has done this to me and on other occasions has pretended me couldnt remember what he said but i loved him and always allowed him back into my life. This time he did more or less confirm things two days later in text saying "hi how are you? Things i said the last day could have been said in a better way, i tried ringing you yesterday to tell you so but..."

Miss Fluff

Well done you on getting a new number, you're doing yourself a massive favour and saving yourself a lot of heartache by cutting him out of your life. I actually think it's merely incidental at this stage as to whether he remembers or not. He spoke to you in such a cruel hurtful way, don't even start to think whether he remembers or not. He remembers well.

davyjose

Moomoo1 wrote: »

OP - maybe he doesn't remember what he said that time?

The OP remembers - that's all that matters.

LegacyUser

Am DELIGHTED for you!! Well done on being so strong and good luck with the rest of your life and loves. x

mood

Moomoo1 wrote: »

OP - maybe he doesn't remember what he said that time?

Even if he didn't remember (which he did) he meant it. The OP has said she loves him but he doesn't want a proper relationship so why should she let him just use her and treat her like dirt? This girl needs to move on, forget about him and have room in her life for a nice guy who will treat her well and love her back. Life is too short for putting up with this crap.