Feel like a loser

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this as it's embarrassing. I'm 23, female and have just started a Masters in London. I came over alone, didn't know anyone so was relying on making friends at college. I started going for lunch with a few people etc, and have gone out in the evening with them a few times. The thing is, I get the impression they think I'm some sort of sad charity case, and I'm not sure why. I'm not at all clingy, I've never invited myself anywhere, always just responded to their invitations. They all seem to have clicked with each other - they're all from London and I feel like a bit of an outsider but it's not like I'm some sad loser or anything! I thought I was fun to be around but they make my feel like they invite me places out of pity or something. I mean, I always thought I was fairly interesting - I've travelled a lot, I like cultural stuff, I love meeting new people, parties, nights out, I thought I had fairly good social skills! I'm not shy or retiring, I always chat to new people. What could be the problem?

Contessa Raven

What makes you think that they invite you out of pity? It sounds like they're trying to be nice and help you feel welcome. Nothing wrong with that. But again perhaps I'm missing something. Could you be a bit more clear as to how they treat you or make you feel?

Star Lord

I personally think that you're feeling a little bit like a fish out of water over there, and as such are being a bit harsh on yourself! They invited you along, they wouldn't do that if they didn't want your company, so try to put those thoughts out of your head and relax, enjoy the company and you will be a lot more at ease and will find yourself forming new friendships a lot more easily!

LegacyUser

I was in a similar situation when I travelled.... I met a couple of girls, we travelled together but I always felt I was imposing on them so I would only meet them at night.

At the end of our time travelling I found out that they had invited me along because they really enjoyed my company..... I had spent days on my own (bored) and they thought I was just really independent - I'd have rather been hanging with them and they with me.

Sometimes you just have to trust in your self.

People won;t invite you if they don't want you there.

It might just be that they all know the landscape a bit better and that you are trying to find your feet.... so they know where to go and what to do and you then are "following" their lead rather than doing the leading, which you might have done at home.

Also, they might know more people around while you know few...

You could though, organise a night out, invite them out and see how that goes. Do something that is of interest to you but that will also be of interest to them.

idontknowmyname

tiny bit off topic but we have a boards site in the UK- it's www.boards.org.uk
we're all ex-pats who've come over for various reasons and are this site as well, most of us are based in London and meet up every few weeks for drinks.....so at least you'll get to know some other people.

There's also a website called city socialising that I've found invaluable, I came over here on my own 7 months and knew no one. Through this social networking site I have a fantastic bunch of mates. They organise social events for newbies and regulars, thousands of people in the same situation on it.

It takes a good while to get used to living somewhere, give it time