Is my marriage over?

LegacyUser

I have been married for 2 years and we have children together. I have caught him several times doing things he should not be doing over the last 10 years. He was texting someone and I think he may have been having an affair with that person several years ago. I also caught him out when he said he was going to be somewhere and he wasn't. THings like this had been happening but I thought it would all change after we got married. I now caught him 'talking dirty' to several women on facebook and he says it was just a cheap thrill and he is really sorry. I am devestated. We are best friends and I love him and I know he loves me but I don't want to keep feeling like this. How can we save our marriage?

Wurly

betrayed wrote: »

I have been married for 2 years and we have children together. I have caught him several times doing things he should not be doing over the last 10 years. He was texting someone and I think he may have been having an affair with that person several years ago. I also caught him out when he said he was going to be somewhere and he wasn't. THings like this had been happening but I thought it would all change after we got married. I now caught him 'talking dirty' to several women on facebook and he says it was just a cheap thrill and he is really sorry. I am devestated. We are best friends and I love him and I know he loves me but I don't want to keep feeling like this. How can we save our marriage?

You don't deserve this. What you do deserve is what you signed up for in the marriage - faithfulness and respect. That's not happening. You deserve a life of peace, not anxiousness and upset.

You say your husband loves you. In what way, may I ask? Because the actions you describe do not say 'love' to me.

I don't know what his motivation is for cheating/talking dirty etc. That needs to be established before you can decide if the marriage can be saved. And furthermore - if its worth saving.

May I suggest going to couples counselling if you really want to make this work with him..

However, you need to ask yourself, really and truly, if this is what you want. You cannot change a person. So forget the 'best friends' and 'we love each other' for a sec. In fairness - big deal... Look at the treatment you're receiving.. If this was your best friend in this situation, what would you tell her to do?

I know this is all easier said than done but you simply have to look at what is best for you in the long run.

Best of luck. My thoughts are with you.X

Anna Molly

Oh golly.
I may not be a relationship guru,
or ever married but;
i found nudie pics of another girl on my exes laptop and there's no excuse really.
You're obviously always wondering what he's up to, and perhaps second guessing everything he says or does. Talk to him about it, let him know exactly how you feel. Maybe this would nip the problem in the bud.

However, if you don't have trust in a relationship, what do you really have?
I hope it works out for the best. x

LegacyUser

"I have caught him several times doing things he should not be doing over the last 10 years." This is the man you decided to marry.

Now you have to decide is this the man you want to continue being married to. Ten years is more than sufficient to judge a person's character.

Do you want a life of being married in this way?

Splitting up is hell - but the peace and the relief afterwards is wonderful.
And it stays wonderful.

Barracudaincork

betrayed wrote: »

We are best friends and I love him and I know he loves me quote]

How he treats you is not how you treat an enemy not to talk of a best friend!

Right now your best friend is yourself and you need to decide if you want this for the rest of your life or if you want love, happiness and peace. Dont waste your life on someone who doesnt think of you as highly as your other half should, you are worth more than that!

Taltos

betrayed wrote: »

We are best friends and I love him and I know he loves me

My wife and I are also best friends and I love her.
Never ever could I consider doing what your OH is doing.

He might love you.
But - he does NOT respect you.

Question is do you respect yourself enough to either fix this or walk away?
Some people do change - but if he has been like this for 10 yrs and you have asked him before to change and he is not, then it is not looking good.

tbh

betrayed wrote: »

I have been married for 2 years and we have children together. I have caught him several times doing things he should not be doing over the last 10 years. He was texting someone and I think he may have been having an affair with that person several years ago. I also caught him out when he said he was going to be somewhere and he wasn't. THings like this had been happening but I thought it would all change after we got married. I now caught him 'talking dirty' to several women on facebook and he says it was just a cheap thrill and he is really sorry. I am devestated. We are best friends and I love him and I know he loves me but I don't want to keep feeling like this. How can we save our marriage?

fast forward 15 years. One of your kids comes to you and tells you what you've told us. What would your advice be?

Rantan

he needs a good kick in the b***cks!
If you think your marriage is worth saving then stick with him. People can change if they want, its very difficult though. Someone suggested counselling, something like that is a good idea, it might provide the kick of reality he needs to snap him out of his old habits. Maybe give it one last go? If his behaviour towards you doesn;t improve, well you have done everthing you can and he would only have him self to blame for throwing a good marriage away.
If you did that you would need to be very disciplined, set goals and deadlines for improvements and if he doesn't follow through well out the door. You cannot let him away with any more of this s**t!