should i be friends with this ex?

sunset_grace

im sorry if this is going to sound gloomy, but im a 29 girl who has a nasty past, for the first 14 years of my life i was physically and sexually abused, as a result for years my confidence was zero, i recently in the last few years atended cousoling and have a lot more confidence than i did, im starting to see the real value in myself, i am now in the hase of mourning my lost childhood and am looking ahead.

my relationship problem is this, however unfair it is i havent had a normal life and i find relationships difficult, with my last boyfriend i was attending counsoling and going through a bad patch with drinking i asked him to be there for me (this was the first bf i had confided in about my past) anyway he dumped me which hurt me at the time and now wants to be friends, i do understand its hard to be around someone going thorugh a hard time like that, but i deserve better than that and now he wants to be friends, im in a completly different place now not drinking to excess ect, i dont know how to feel about this ex, i dont think i have romantic feelings for him, would it be safe to be friends or would it cause further problems?

dublingal80

sunset_grace wrote: »

im sorry if this is going to sound gloomy, but im a 29 girl who has a nasty past, for the first 14 years of my life i was physically and sexually abused, as a result for years my confidence was zero, i recently in the last few years atended cousoling and have a lot more confidence than i did, im starting to see the real value in myself, i am now in the hase of mourning my lost childhood and am looking ahead.

my relationship problem is this, however unfair it is i havent had a normal life and i find relationships difficult, with my last boyfriend i was attending counsoling and going through a bad patch with drinking i asked him to be there for me (this was the first bf i had confided in about my past) anyway he dumped me which hurt me at the time and now wants to be friends, i do understand its hard to be around someone going thorugh a hard time like that, but i deserve better than that and now he wants to be friends, im in a completly different place now not drinking to excess ect, i dont know how to feel about this ex, i dont think i have romantic feelings for him, would it be safe to be friends or would it cause further problems?

firstly i am so so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. you have had such a horrific time and all i can say is well done you for getting professional help and now knowing the value of your self !!

Secondly, your ex firstly dumped you when you explained everything you went through and how he wants to be friends?? Dont de-value yourself!!!!! you know you deserve nothing but the best and he was not the slightest bit supportive towards you when you were honest with him. I cant believe he broke up with you. For that alone, he doesnt deserve someone like you as a friend

Also the fact you arent sure how you feel towards him, its jut better to keep clear of him. He has hurt you already and you dont deserve that ever again

HUGS

Kiera

He left you in a time of need and now wants back in to ease his guilt. Let him off. He doesnt sound like someone you need in your life.

sunset_grace

dublingal80 wrote: »

firstly i am so so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. you have had such a horrific time and all i can say is well done you for getting professional help and now knowing the value of your self !!

Secondly, your ex firstly dumped you when you explained everything you went through and how he wants to be friends?? Dont de-value yourself!!!!! you know you deserve nothing but the best and he was not the slightest bit supportive towards you when you were honest with him. I cant believe he broke up with you. For that alone, he doesnt deserve someone like you as a friend

Also the fact you arent sure how you feel towards him, its jut better to keep clear of him. He has hurt you already and you dont deserve that ever again

HUGS

i should say he didnt dump me the minute i told him my past in fact he was supportive but i did say im going to a therapist i will be going through a tough time bringing up the past, what i didnt know is that drinking while seeing a therapist can lead you to get very drunk very quickly, and i was too drunk in front of his friends and embaarssed him so i am partly to blame for the break up

tbh

sunset_grace wrote: »

im sorry if this is going to sound gloomy, but im a 29 girl who has a nasty past, for the first 14 years of my life i was physically and sexually abused, as a result for years my confidence was zero, i recently in the last few years atended cousoling and have a lot more confidence than i did, im starting to see the real value in myself, i am now in the hase of mourning my lost childhood and am looking ahead.

my relationship problem is this, however unfair it is i havent had a normal life and i find relationships difficult, with my last boyfriend i was attending counsoling and going through a bad patch with drinking i asked him to be there for me (this was the first bf i had confided in about my past) anyway he dumped me which hurt me at the time and now wants to be friends, i do understand its hard to be around someone going thorugh a hard time like that, but i deserve better than that and now he wants to be friends, im in a completly different place now not drinking to excess ect, i dont know how to feel about this ex, i dont think i have romantic feelings for him, would it be safe to be friends or would it cause further problems?

if things are going well for you now, don't change anything until you feel a bit stronger. If you're happy not being friends with this guy, the only reason you'd have to change is if not being friends with you upset him. Unfortunately, that's life. Sometimes you do things you can't take back. He has to learn that.

just keep doing what you're doing - don't be nasty to him, but don't return his calls etc.

dublingal80

sunset_grace wrote: »

i should say he didnt dump me the minute i told him my past in fact he was supportive but i did say im going to a therapist i will be going through a tough time bringing up the past, what i didnt know is that drinking while seeing a therapist can lead you to get very drunk very quickly, and i was too drunk in front of his friends and embaarssed him so i am partly to blame for the break up

i havent been through the tiniest bit that you have been through, but the amount of times i have gotten completely drunk in front of my OHs friends and embarrassed myself and himself to no end but never did he once even chat to me about breaking up

We all get drunk and do stupid things, and its even more understanding you doing that when you were seeing a therapist!! so dont even think that was a reason why it finished cos its not.

If you honestly think he will be a good friend to you and its someone you can depend on and trust no end, well be friends with him. but it seems like you are doing very well without him so i dont see the need to take a step back

sunset_grace

dublingal80 wrote: »

i havent been through the tiniest bit that you have been through, but the amount of times i have gotten completely drunk in front of my OHs friends and embarrassed myself and himself to no end but never did he once even chat to me about breaking up

We all get drunk and do stupid things, and its even more understanding you doing that when you were seeing a therapist!! so dont even think that was a reason why it finished cos its not.

If you honestly think he will be a good friend to you and its someone you can depend on and trust no end, well be friends with him. but it seems like you are doing very well without him so i dont see the need to take a step back

yes i am to be honest, and i think your right in the fact that i was treated harshly for getting too drunk, which is what all my friends have been saying to me,

davyjose

sunset_grace wrote: »

im sorry if this is going to sound gloomy, but im a 29 girl who has a nasty past, for the first 14 years of my life i was physically and sexually abused, as a result for years my confidence was zero, i recently in the last few years atended cousoling and have a lot more confidence than i did, im starting to see the real value in myself, i am now in the hase of mourning my lost childhood and am looking ahead.

my relationship problem is this, however unfair it is i havent had a normal life and i find relationships difficult, with my last boyfriend i was attending counsoling and going through a bad patch with drinking i asked him to be there for me (this was the first bf i had confided in about my past) anyway he dumped me which hurt me at the time and now wants to be friends, i do understand its hard to be around someone going thorugh a hard time like that, but i deserve better than that and now he wants to be friends, im in a completly different place now not drinking to excess ect, i dont know how to feel about this ex, i dont think i have romantic feelings for him, would it be safe to be friends or would it cause further problems?

it doesn't sound like you should, and it doesn't really sound like you want to. So why bother?

nesbitt

I think sometimes this 'lets be friends' that ex's seem to come with is questionable. Have you any idea why he wants to be friends now if he was so 'appalled' (IMHO not justified to be appalled with you at all) with your behaviour that he broke up with you?

My instinct would be too move on and not include him in your life as a friend. We all do silly things some times and friends/BF's/GF's should afford us some slack every once in a blue moon.

All my best on your journey OP, we are all on one, so don't dwell on this and move on.

hollis12

for what you went through you deserve a medal, he deserves nothing, especially not a moment of your precious time, he acted very harshly indeed we all get too drunk, especially those of who who start to attend consoling because it brings you right back to the hurt you experienced in the past. good luck to you i hope all goes well for you and you never meet anyone as weak as this individual.