Puzzled

merlie

Ok I want to ask people out there what they think of this.

For just a bit of background, in July of this year, my boyfriend of 6 years broke from me and it had deeply hurt me. We had discussed living together and having children etc the usual things when you are in a long term relationship. The break up was bad but we have remained in communication. He lives in England.

About a couple of months ago i was on a night out with my best friend Mary and I text him and told him where I was and he google searched for the pub I was in. He was able to tell me what it looked like etc then the day after he went all quiet and never text me.

Roll on to yesterday. He was online and chatted to me on msn. He knows I am going over to England for Christmas and the New Year but he didn't know who I am going to be staying with ( my friend Zoe )
While on msn, he asked me who I was staying with for Christmas,. Then he asked me how much money did I bring with me on my recent trip to England then he asked me how can I take so much holidays from work.

Today he has gone all quiet again and only text me once but it was not worth replying too.

I do not understand why he is asking me these questions. I mean would a 'friend' ask you those types of questions? I mean we are not together any more.

Tell me what you think.

shellyboo

I think the only person who knows why he's asking those questions is him... you need to talk to him.

Nevyn

If such questins bother you and he has not need or right to that info as your ex then why are you answering them?

Nervous Wreck

That all just kinda sounds small-talky to me.

"I'm going to England for Christmas."
"Oh yeah? Who ya stayin with?"
"Zoe."
"Cool. How ya managing to take so much time off work?!"

etc... I would ask those questions of a friend tbh...

dublingal80

6 years is a long time to be seeing someone so I can understand the difficulity you both are going through.

However, I dont understand why he is asking you those questions. You need to be more upfront to him when asking you strange questions such as how much money did I bring with me on my recent trip to England My answer would be... why you asking, arent you mr nosey all of a sudden!! how can I take so much holidays from work. just tell him you have loads left over from during the year

If he feels like he made a mistake about breaking up with you he needs to say it to your face... otherwise he is getting over you but letting you hang on and not get over him. Just keep your distance, have fun, meet boys and have a laugh and unless he tells you he wants to try again , and unless you feel the same way, dont give into his mind games

ash23

Ok, he lives in England and you are (or seem to be from your OP) in the UK a lot. Are you sure you're not just going over there because of him? Particularly because you keep telling him you're over there? It's like you want him to know you're nearby just in case he decides to change his mind and come and declare his undying love.
Stop telling him where you are and what you are doing. Stop keeping him informed about every move you make. He broke up with you. He doesn't want to know what you are doing, he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

If he feels his life is better without you in it ( and that is generally implied when someone dumps you) then let him off. He won't change his mind. He is humouring you out of guilt and possibly boredom. Looking up the pub, chatting on MSN etc, he's sitting at home doing nothing and is killing time with you. And then when he goes "quiet", well, it's because he's at the pub with his mates/on a date and he isn't thinking about you. You on the other hand are texting him when you're out and busy. He is clearly in your thoughts and you are not going to be able to move on if you keep this up.
Trust me, been there, done that and have the snot stained, tear sodden t-shirt

It hurts like hell at first and it is very hard to do, but stop contacting him. Just stop. You'll slip up now and then but eventually you'll get over him and move on. Like when my ex used to cancel seeing our daughter I'd spend hours wondering what he was doing and tormenting myself. So I totally cut contact and he was fine about it (surprise surprise!) and we only speak now in relation to the child and it makes it all much much easier. It's enabled me to get over him and move on and I know if I had stayed friends with him I would still be hurting a great deal and still in the middle of "breakup" which isn't a fun place to be

For your own sake, STOP!!

Moomoo1

were there maybe some financial issues during your relationship?

SarahSassy

Op look at the fatcs - he finsihed with you and has not asked you back. It looks like he is contacting you in response to your contact... It doesnt look good - sorry.

Gyalist

I remember your threads about the breakup during the summer and that you were given lots of good advice. Almost everyone told you to break contact with him and you clearly haven't.

He broke up with you because he wanted to see other women and yet wanted to remain "friends". Someone who breaks up with you forfeits the right to be your friend unless you have a good reason to remain in contact (like a child/children, or joint property). Now you're clearly not over him and analysing any bit of conversation with him to see if there's any chance of you two getting back together. You're not doing yourself any favours especially as this was a LDR.

jazzlewazzle

I think that the evolution of texting and msn have created complications etc for a lot of people regarding relationships.

People may text or email out of boredom leading the other to think they are interested etc.

I have this problem myself....

Talk is cheap... but text and msn is even cheaper.
TBH if he wanted you back he would prob say so - 6 yrs is no joke.

merlie

Thank you for all your replies. I have read them all.
I just want to clarify a few things. I don't want to get back with him as there is too much water under the bridge for me and would not bother me if he found someone else. I have been doing major thinking a couple of months after the breakup. Although I still like him and enjoy his company, I am sorting out my life and making a fresh start for myself.

I want to also say that the reason for me moving to England is NOT to be near him or that he can see me. The reason is I have a lot of memories here and I do not wish to be surrounded by them any more and moving over would not only give me a fresh perspective but also totally new environment and change of life, which is exactly what I need. We did not have money issues in the relationship. I have been curious as to why he was asking me those questions and although we text everyday ( morning, evening and night texts ) he was very happy to see me today on msn, but I only stayed on msn for a very short time. I am getting on with my life and making plans.

I don't analyse his texts to the enth degree and sit around waiting for him to say something I might hope. cos I am not there doing that. We are in communication but I don't see him now as a friend as I did previously, cos there are elements missing to make it a friendship, that is what I think.
But I do receive texts or questions from him that do puzzle me.

On Sunday I decided not to text him at all to see what would happen, he did text me but I did not reply and on Monday when I went on msn, he was there and immediately messaged me and the first thing he said was, " Where have you been? " and I told him and he then wanted to know what I had been doing all day Sunday.

merlie

sunflower27 wrote: »

I dont know if I buy that you dont want him back. SOunds like at the very least you want him to want you back so you can say eff off.

Why did you reply to his email?

If you want to move on then you had the perfect opportunity to say nicely that what you do now is none of his business and it would be best if you made a clean break.

Sorry hon, I think you do want him back

No I am sorry but I DON'T want him back. I know for a fact that if I did it would be most likely that I would be hurt all over again and that is where I do not wish to be or want to be. Yes I still like him but I do not love him anymore, I cannot afford another heartbreak in my life again. I am happy with the way things are now going for me and I have good friends that have supported me and have been there for me.

I can understand what you mean but there is no chance of me getting back with him and it would be like back tracking and there has been too much hurt and tears for me to feel the love I once had for him.

I am planning my life and looking ahead.