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I feel nothing for him anymore

  • 22-11-2009 7:52pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    With a man 8 years now and I really do not feel anything for him anymore (tbh I dont know if I ever did).. Long story... met in 2001- I had just come out of a long distance relationship which just fizzled out. DP was a drug addict and I was hurting and tbh I think I thought I could "save" him. Anyway after 3 years of hell he finally got clean and we had a child together. He is a lot older than me and we have never had anything in common...... nothing at all. He is a good man, a good father but I just dont feel anything at all.... no love, no hate, no nothing.

    We never go anywhere together, never go out, I go to all the childs events on my own, all my family gatherings are done on my own - because "those type of things are not his scene". When he gave up the drugs, he also gave up drinking and going out. We dont even watch tv together... I watch it in our room. We never talk at all unless he is moaning about something or other

    I am just so miserable and lonely. I think I am bored and depressed. I just wish I had the courage to leave but I dont think I could cope financially and I really dont want to hurt him...

    To make matters worse... I have found my long diatnace love on facebook and we have been emailing each other. To put you in the picture... this guy was the one true love of my life but he lived abroad and we just couldnt maintain the relationship.

    What do I do...... I'm so sick of crying myself to sleep at night and I know there has to be more to life than this


Comments

  • #2
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Simple answer, leave, no point staying if you're not happy, explain there's nothing there and you can't continue with the relationship.


  • #3
    Elba101
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Elba101


    Bonito wrote: »
    Simple answer, leave, no point staying if you're not happy, explain there's nothing there and you can't continue with the relationship.


    +1 there's so much more to life. You owe it to youself to be happy.


  • #4
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Does your OH know how you feel.

    What strikes me is that you have found your LDR ex and that is a side issue as he is not the cause of your problems or nesscessarily its solution. Emails etc could just be a booty call.

    The second thing is he has cleaned up and adopted a life to keep himself out of temptation. In his mind he is probably great and everything is tiketty boo.If he has had an addiction councellor or support group you should involve them.


  • #5
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    I am a bit wary of talk of co-dependency etc as its bandied about too much.

    Like it or not you got him thru his addiction or whatever but what you didn't plan on was what life would be like once that was done.

    Perhaps you miss the excitement it brought ,in some way, it does strike me that he has made the changes that you wanted him to make. Sorry to put it this way,but,you do sound as if you feel short changed by the result.

    It does seem that he is adaptable while you are probably not so.


  • #6
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    sunflower27 wrote: »
    Fair enough. I was only putting across my experience. :)

    Sorry I didnt mean you - I just hate the word:)


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  • #7
    Rebelheart
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,077 ✭✭✭Rebelheart


    OP1 wrote: »
    To make matters worse... I have found my long diatnace love on facebook and we have been emailing each other. To put you in the picture... this guy was the one true love of my life but he lived abroad and we just couldnt maintain the relationship.

    Bíonn adharca fada ar na ba thar lear (far away fields are green). I suspect that, as with so many people in long distance relationships, there is a great deal of romanticising going on about that. You cannot justly compare a real relationship where you share a life together and its joys, miseries and mundanities in the real world with a relationship to somebody who is not sharing these things with you. Only when you live with this other person can you make such a comparison with honesty.

    Other than that, I agree with the other posters: leave, and give yourself a life with somebody who shares your temperment and sociability. I do empathise with the situation of your current partner: being a former addict must make every day a battle and leave very little emotional room for getting involved in social gatherings etc.

    Everybody deserves love and happiness. Go for it.


  • #8
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Its tough to say OP that while Facebook Guy was the love of your life -you dont seem to have been the love of his. The proposition of a woman with a child and a person without commitments is very different.


  • #9
    carlychick
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭carlychick


    go for it - leave. you are mourning the end of your relationship now anyways by crying. be brave and trust me when you do end it you will find that you are so happy and a massive weight will be lifted off your shoulder. yes it is sad for sure but have the courage to go ............good luck


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