How not to sweat the small stuff

LegacyUser

Hi everyone.

I've posted here on the same subject before. Basically I can't stop getting annoyed and upset over small things. I get angry, I get sad, I get upset. Over stuff that doesnt really merit it. Im never happy, I always have something to complain about. I hate being like this.
I used to be a happy person. I am still a happy person. I think unhappiness has gotten the better of me.hopefully temporarily. I love my boyfriend family and friends. I love going out with my friends and I am the life and soul of the party. Always have been. In a long distance relationship for the last couple of years, It seems to be getting harder. a lot of the time issues with boyfriend can set me off. He tells me I get too worked up over small things and I know hes right.

But at the end of the day there's nothing going so wrong that I need to be unhappy all the time. Ive been to see counsellor twice, Im going to go again this week. I didnt talk to her much about boyfriend, I just generally talked to her about letting things upset me so much.

With b/f I can get argumentative and pick fights. I dont get to see him nearly as much as I like and I hate it and it makes me unhappy. But I just want to not let it get to me so much. He doesnt let it get to him, I want to be like that, I want to relax. For my own good as well as his. He has to deal with me being unhappy and getting angry upset etc and its not fair on him.

I can talk to him or my friends or family, Which i do. a lot. I just seem to get upset over something small and then it turns into something huge and Im upset for the whole day and Im crying and in a state. And it takes so much out of me.

I go through weeks of being mostly fine and then sometimes i can have bad weeks. I know I have to gain more control over my emotions and I have to learn to cope with things better. I still think deep down that I am a happy person, but this has been going on for a few years now on and off and I just cant seem to get a handle on it..

I improve sometimes but then something sets me off when Im tired or in bad form etc and the whole thing starts again and Im back to square one. I am open to advice and help and my mum and my close friends try and help me but I feel like its up to me. And I dont know why I cant just chill out. My b/f is starting to think that I enjoy being miserable and giving out and that but i honestly dont i just find it hard to be positive sometimes.

Any suggestions?

I have analysed this so many times that it seems a bit muddled in my head at this stage.
Generally I would be seen as a happy person, funny, always up for a laugh.
My poor boyfriend and mother seem to get the brunt of my negativity and upset.
I just want to improve things, not just for a day, or a week but improve things for good, get a handle on things so I can get back to my old self, which seems so long ago now that I dont even know if its possible.

I have succeeded in improving my relationship with my mother beyond recognition (we used to fight an awful lot), which gives me a bit of hope I suppose. Im much more tolerant and passive with her because I know that its worth it, and getting into fights with her is not worth the heartache.

Im finding the long distance thing hard and I would get upset if I cant see my boyfriend or if there is a change in plans etc. Which is understandable but I just want to be able to control it more, I tend to get into a state where my thoughts are irrational and all reason goes out the window. (this would be when I get really bad). Also I cry a lot when I start to get upset over something small, which I find hard to stop. I dont want to be known as the girl who is always unhappy. (And crying makes me feel pathetic, plus it does nothing for my looks!)

On the surface I love my life. Well I should love my life. Any difficulties I have are minor and I have people to talk to about them. So Thats why I dont understand why I get like this. I love college, have a great social life most of time, no major problems. I have a lot of study this year which makes juggling boyfriend/going home to see him etc hard enough. He could be a bit better about accommodating this but no one perfect and it certainly doesnt require full-on waterworks and dramatics...Im like the drama queen that forgot that drama was all just an act...

my friends and family and boyfriend love me and I want to stop being unhappy and upset so I can just concentrate on having a good happy life, and making the people around me proud and happy too.

Thanks for reading, any advice would be great.
I love advice.

SarahSassy

What was the counsellors opinion? Were you diagnosed as depressed?

LegacyUser

No I'm not depressed.
Counsellor said that I just needed to work on not letting things get to me so much, told me to keep a kind of diary of things that set me off. recognise when im about to get upset etc and try and look at the bigger picture.

the next time I went back to her I was doin good and we kind of said we'd leave it at that.

SarahSassy

Well tbh, you sound pretty spolit and I am saying that due to the fact that you seem to take your tantrums out on the people who are closest to you bf and Mum... If you were my sister, I'd be telling you to grab a dose of cop on and catch yourself on. Sometimes, we have to give ourselves a boot up the bum and maybe this is one of those time.

LegacyUser

ok well thanks for your replies.
I suppose you could look at it like that..
Maybe I do need a kick up the hole. I wouldnt say I take it out on them. I would just get upset about it myself really. like I could be on my own upset if you know what I mean. I mean more that they have to listen to me be unhappy and upset etc. I dont necessarily mean that I take it out on them..

lisajane

My sister is the same way. She gets upset at the smallest littlest thing. She's a very angry person. And then takes it out on other family members, mostly myself and my mother but i seem to get more of it for some reason. I mean, its over nothing or something so small, it doesn't matter. I told her to cop on to herself but she never did. Our relationship is over. I don't speak to her anymore. Its not worth the hassle.

At least you want to work on it, so do try before you push them away because there is so much anyone can take. If your mother or boyfriend had a bad day too, they can just as easily say they have enough.

Fck anything or anyone that gets you down. No point having anything negative in you life. That can really make you miserable.

LegacyUser

Hi,

what I mean when I said that they seem to take the brunt of it is that they have to listen to me when im upset and sad, I dont necessarily mean that I take stuff out on them. I would talk more to my b/f about being upset. Im sure he gets sick of me always being unhappy, thats more what I meant by that comment.

Relationship with Mum is very good. We had our differences but we both worked on it and now were good, which is great. I was just mentioning that because It gives me hope that I can improve if I improved that, if you get me.

But I see what ye're saying. Issues with boyfriend I do think stem from frustration that were not together, which isnt an excuse for me making too big a deal out of things, but it just makes things a bit harder.

I suppose Ill just have to not let things get to me and chill out a bit. Im tryin!

LegacyUser

Lisajane I just read your thread about your sister and I can safely say that I'm nothing like her, sorry. I like cats...
im just having a rough time Im not trying to take my stuff out on anyone..

Ps. You should try and work on your relationship, you both sound very frustrated with each other...