What the hell is wrong with me?

LegacyUser

Hi, I am a regular poster on here and I am going to go unreged for this one. I'm not sure whether this should be in Relationship Issues or Personal Issues as I feel its a bit of both. Please bear with me on this as it may not make much sense, to be honest it doesn't make any sense to me either...

I am in my mid twenties, I work in my families business in rural Ireland. I have a wonderful family, a the best girlfriend a man could ever ask for and friends that would do anything for me. I was happy as I thought a man could be up until this time last week. Last Monday I just seem to lose it all in my head, I was seriously doubting everything I stood for and my ability to do anything, and just felt genuinely worthless. I felt that my girlfriend would leave me and for someone else that was actually worth being with, and I felt that I was on the road to absolutely nowhere. I half discussed this with my girlfriend, who was genuinely shocked as I am normally a very confident and happy person. I didn't discuss that I thought she would leave me for someone else because I thought it would make her upset and I didn't want that.

These feelings have eased off over the course of the week, with some ups and downs, but I started feeling a bit down today again. Myself and my girlfriend were out for a quiet meal and a couple of drinks which was great! I bumped a few of my friends who were all going out to the night club and were all jolly to say the least. They were all going mad, having the craic! Something which myself and my girlfriend would normally do, but we were slightly muted, due to tiredness and possibly the soberness. We then went home, and were very tired, so the chat wasn't as energetic as normal. I went home and text her how I had a lovely night etc. and this morning I woke up with the same feelings as I felt last week, albeit not as extreme.

I have no idea what has triggered these extreme emotions, as I love everybody in my life and I was genuinely the happiest man on the planet only a week and a half ago. The only things that happened last week was that my girlfriend graduated from her college with an honours degree we went out and celebrated that. We discussed our future together, we talked about the prospect of purchasing an apartment for her work where I would be able to stay some days after work and on weekends. We were both extremely excited by this, so much so that our cheeks were hurting from smiling so much!

She got food poisoning the day after her grad, which I must admit I was very worried about her health as a result, and she was feeling off form for a while afterwards. Her mood changed slightly one of the days when I was with her when she was feeling slightly muted for the rest of the night (last Sunday) as a result. It was due to the fact that she was on antibiotics and she was feeling drowsy all week because of them. This was the only thing that I kind of got worried about. I had a strange dream that was completely unrelated to any one I knew that night. The next morning my mood was like I said one of sadness, worry and worthlesness.

What the hell is wrong with me? Surely none of the above could have possibly triggered such extreme emotions. I know myself and I am rational guy who doesn't get affected by anything, so this has come to a huge shock and it is confusing the hell out of me. Does any of it make sense to you guys?! I want to get my head straight before I possibly make myself worse and actually lose it all due to something completely stupid.

Sorry for such a long winded post. I hope that makes sense to you guys, and I look forward to your replies. Many thanks for your time.


C.

LegacyUser

If you feel like this you might be getting a dose of depression. It is for a GP to diagnose this.
I had my first episode when I was 18 and I hadnt a clue what was happening. But trust me youre not going mad or losing your mind. If it is depression it will most likely be cured easily and for someone in your position probably counselling is probably best. The fact that you have spoken to your girlfriend about it already is a sign of maturity and will really help.

SUNSHINEIRELAND

If this all happened after your girlfriend was temporarily muted one evening... is it maybe that you base your mood on the mood she is in? If not, then I think you need to talk to a doctor. Something is triggering this. It will work out... just talk to all the people you trust to find the answer! You can get your life back just work on finding the problem.

Fiend-Foe

I don't really have much to say about this except, there's nothing wrong with you mate.

We all have days like this from time to time, we call them bad days.

What's stranger is that you haven't ever felt like this before.

It may be depression, which can just happen and can have no triggers as such. Sometimes these things can be triggered by the crappy weather and short days (Seasonal affective disorder). I would doubt it is either of these things as it is not an ongoing thing.

Just keep an eye on it and go easy on yourself. Do little things to look after yourself and make yourself feel better when you're having a bad day, and remember that it will pass.

If it gets too intense and its not just feeling a little low consider seeing a doctor or speaking to a counselor.

Upsider

Has there been any major life event for you in the last number of months?

LegacyUser

Definately sounds like a dose of depression to me. Your story sounds a lot like my own. A feeling just comes over you and you start thinking irrationally and there doesn't seem to be a way to relieve it. If it continues you should see your GP. Don't put it off, there's no point. I put it off for a long time but eventually went and while I'm not yet where I want to be, it has improved and it helps a lot to talk about it.

Upsider

even the idea of the loss of your girlfriend, however tenuou and in your mind it a, triggered something in you - my own view is that you have posibly had a loss in your life that has been unresolved until now, that you never grieved over, and this just triggered it perhaps.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

If you feel like this you might be getting a dose of depression. It is for a GP to diagnose this.
I had my first episode when I was 18 and I hadnt a clue what was happening. But trust me youre not going mad or losing your mind. If it is depression it will most likely be cured easily and for someone in your position probably counselling is probably best. The fact that you have spoken to your girlfriend about it already is a sign of maturity and will really help.

Hi, I don't think it is just that extreme. I had one really bad day and then the rest were just ups and downs really. However I will keep your suggestion in mind if it does get to that level, ie. a day where I cannot face getting out of bed or whatever.

SUNSHINEIRELAND wrote:

If this all happened after your girlfriend was temporarily muted one evening... is it maybe that you base your mood on the mood she is in? If not, then I think you need to talk to a doctor. Something is triggering this. It will work out... just talk to all the people you trust to find the answer! You can get your life back just work on finding the problem.

I think you might have a point here. I do find I base my mood on my girlfriend alot of the time. She has had a few very bad weeks and although we have had some great nights out where we really had a good time. There always has been an edge to our moods. For example, last Wednesday she was in really bad form and very tired, but she eventually snapped out of it and really enjoyed the rest of the night.

I seem to remember also that when I was away for a week and a half without her, I spoke to her on the phone for the first time after about a week (I was texting for alot of it, as the roaming charges were sickening). I felt the exact same as I did last Monday week. Emotionally numb, and completely drained. Just talking to her on the phone really brought home how much I actually missed her, and I didn't really enjoy the rest of the holiday after that. When I got home everything lifted and I was myself again.

Fiend-Foe wrote:

I don't really have much to say about this except, there's nothing wrong with you mate.

We all have days like this from time to time, we call them bad days.

What's stranger is that you haven't ever felt like this before.

It may be depression, which can just happen and can have no triggers as such. Sometimes these things can be triggered by the crappy weather and short days (Seasonal affective disorder). I would doubt it is either of these things as it is not an ongoing thing.

Just keep an eye on it and go easy on yourself. Do little things to look after yourself and make yourself feel better when you're having a bad day, and remember that it will pass.

If it gets too intense and its not just feeling a little low consider seeing a doctor or speaking to a counselor.

You could have a point to a certain extent. I was feeling a little tired and slightly under the weather since the days got darker. Nothing really worse than normal though. The weather doesn't usually have too much of an effect on me. I don't think it is the main reason why I am feeling the way I am at the moment though, I think it could be more to do with what SunshineIreland said above. It has been more due to her mood really.

Upsider wrote:

Has there been any major life event for you in the last number of months?

Not really, I have had a great year. I've enjoyed everything I have done as I have been really really happy with my life in general. The only thing that has annoyed me throughout the year was that myself and my friend got into a fight with a gang of lads in a night club a few weeks ago where he was set upon and I intervened, fighting off a few of them. My friend just ended up with a split lip and the other guys were kicked out by the bouncers.

nineone wrote:

Definately sounds like a dose of depression to me. Your story sounds a lot like my own. A feeling just comes over you and you start thinking irrationally and there doesn't seem to be a way to relieve it. If it continues you should see your GP. Don't put it off, there's no point. I put it off for a long time but eventually went and while I'm not yet where I want to be, it has improved and it helps a lot to talk about it.

Thanks mate, I will keep this in mind if it does get worse. I have been feeling alot better since my OP so hopefully it won't get to the stage where I have to go to my GP, but if I do, I will most certainly go.

Upsider wrote:

even the idea of the loss of your girlfriend, however tenuou and in your mind it a, triggered something in you - my own view is that you have posibly had a loss in your life that has been unresolved until now, that you never grieved over, and this just triggered it perhaps.

You could be right to a certain extent. I had been thinking alot about my life since that Monday a week ago. One of the things that I was thinking about was the fact that I had no college degree, I am unqualified to do anything outside of the work I am doing.

This had caused me to worry, because I had felt that my girlfriend would see other guys with their qualifications as more successful than me. And that she would leave me for them. This is all purely in my head though, she has never given me anything other than her love for me. That said I felt like a loser, even though I have a great job and will most likely take the reigns of the business in a decade or two.

This all hit me like a train, as I've always been confident in my ability to deal with everything that comes my way. Whether it be customers, pressures of work, pressures away from work or problems of any kind. I've always had the ability to deal with them at ease because of my personality. Thankfully now I am gradually getting back to myself, but I want this to get out of my head and stay out!

Many thanks for your replies, and if you have any other ideas, or suggestions, please do not hesitate to post them.

C.