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31 and can't orgasm, maybe broken

  • 22-11-2009 2:45am
    #1
    dragonbelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭


    hey there
    I'm female aged 31 and i have never had an orgasm. I'm with a cool guy now and don't fancy telling him the truth, but we've not got into that conversation yet -too early.
    'Informative websites' tell you - know yourself first etc but I can't orgasim alone either.
    I am dying to have a 'normal' and fulfilling sex life and i am annoyed and scared that this issue is going to linger throughout this new and class relationship too!!
    Thing is, i think i may be broken?! physically and mentally a bit! When i was 15 my 'boyfriend' was 24 (and a drug dealer). his friend raped me when i was 16. I don't recall much because i was drugged on tamazipane, I just recall being turned over in a bed someplace and didn't ever follow up back then. thinking.. i was stupid enough to be hanging around with people like that so its par for the course.
    I don't care about all that stuff now, what i do care about is the stunted sex life I am faced with now and how that may effect the wonderful, gentle, gorgeous, talented musician I am with now.
    so.. i suppose the question is, have i ruined everything, am i broken? physically or mentally (somewhere deep down) and does that mean I'll never be able to come, and what i mean is - never be able to have a genuine, loving sex life? I'm pretty scared about that prospect and if I could turn back time, i would play more squash and hockey and 'party' with older boys less. I'm a professional person by the way, dunno why thats notable just that I had a, ye know, cool family etc so no other freudian issues at work eh.
    ex


Comments

  • #2
    kjl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    it sounds to me like you need to talk to someone about these issues. I would recommend you see a professional.

    You were a victum, you had part of your innocence taken away, this is having a physiological effect on you. If you can work out these issues there is not doubt that you will be able to orgasm again.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Very very sorry to hear what happened to you.

    I also often feel "broken" as a guy as I am incredibly shy and just have a lot of bad associations with sex due to things that have happened in the past with girls etc.

    From what I understand, many women have never had an orgasm. It's not unusual.

    I can't tell you how to recover as I don't know myself but I can tell you this: As a guy, I would have absolutely no problem with it. Every person is different, and it won't be a blow to his ego to say that you've never had an orgasm, because that's not the same as "you can't give me an orgasm".

    Repressed thoughts and emotions become amplified and blown out of proportion in our heads over time, and so the fear of opening up becomes amplified too. What seems like a big issue to you seems an absurd thing to worry about for most.

    I have read books about sex therapists Masters and Johnson (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masters_and_Johnson), and it seems that they were quite successful at 'reconditioning' attitudes to sex. Perhaps this kind of therapy is something worth looking into.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hi op,

    i had my first at the grand ol age of 33, with the help of a little vibrator from ann summers - its about two inches long so quite discreet, i would suggest getting one of these and explore yourself in a safe environment, i was never able to orgasm before either through sex or solo.

    i also think you would greatly benefit from speaking to someone about your trauma - it really does not matter how long ago something happened, and sometimes not remembering some of it is really scary, so talk to a professional, i dont think its something that you would regret.

    best of luck!


  • #5
    athlone M
    Closed Accounts Posts: 87 ✭✭athlone M


    Dragonbelle you poor girl. Rape is never the victims fault itwas your rapist that was at fault and your so called boyfriend at the time.
    As for the orgasm thing, maybe you need to talk to someone about the fact that you were raped this could be putting a bit of a block on you being able to relax and enjoy sex and this isn't your fault. In the meantime maybe you should try to relax when it come to the whole sexual side if your relationship with your new guy and stop putting pressure on yourself to achieve this orgasm. Also if this guy is as cool as you say maybe you could explain to him (in less detailed terms if you like) that you would like to take thing slowly and begin to discover eachothers bodies, also you might learn to trust yourself and this guy something that is probably missing due to your unfortunate past.
    My thoughts are with you dear, hope you can work through this.


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