needhelp

LegacyUser

Been with gf for over 2 years. Fell head over heels for her and after a year decided to ask her to marry me. She said yes and i couldnt of been happier. About 4 months I became friendly with a woman at work. We got on very well, same type of personality, same back round same interests (sport, socialising). My GF is not into the same things as me and spends most of her time either working or watchin tv (reality shows and soaps).She became engaged about 6 months after us to her long term boyfriend. I was initally very happy for them both but then I began to see her in a different light. Suddenly I couldnt stop thinking about her and wanting to be with her.
I know what I am doing is wrong and that I shouldnt be with my GF but to be honest I cant leave her. She is a great woman who deserves a man who loves her and well I dont think I do anymore.
My question is do I leave my GF (she has gone through bad breaks before and I dont think she could take another).
I have no intention of telling this other woman at work how I feel about her cause even though I do want to be with her I know she would never leave her guy. I think the only ways out dont look good and its really depressing me.
Sympathy is something i dont want (I dont think I will get any here anyway)
Advice is what i seek

token56

You need to think very clearly about your relationship and your relationship only. Disregarding this other women and your feelings for her, do you wanted a long term relationship with your current girlfriend, and most importantly do you want to marry her. She is under the impression you do and if as you said, you dont love her anymore then she needs to know. Even if breaking up will be hard its the right thing to do in the situation. You may think you are doing her a favour by not breaking her heart now, but it will be even harder in a few years time if you cant continue with relationship when you have further commitments such as a house or children etc. Be fair to both you and her if you really dont love her anymore.

That_Guy

Ok, you say you can't leave your girlfriend and then you ask should you leave her?

You've answered your own question but it's unfair for you to stay with her just because she's been through rough breaks before.

You clearly want to be with someone else but it seems to me that you're just too afraid to leave your present girlfriend in case this other girl you like rejects you and you end up with nothing.

It's completely unfair on your current girlfriend to be dragged around like this. It'll be hard for her to accept but the sooner things end, the quicker she has to recover. It's unfair for her to be putting effort into your relationship when she's the only one in it.

On the other hand, you could now work at your relationship and think of why you fell in love with her in the first place.
If you really can't work at it and you don't feel the same about her any more then you have to leave her.

LegacyUser

goin unreg for obvious reasons here.

im in exactly the same boat as you OP. and despite the logical advice given up it really isnt going to help is it? (no offence intended to you guys offering it)

when someone else's very being is screaming out at you, then kinda logic takes a back seat.

i have no answer for you. i can only say i feel for you and hope it works out whatever happens. falling for someone else when the timing couldnt be any worse is a really hard thing to get thru.

Weirdfish

Op the first thing is you cannot be responsible for anyone else's happiness in the same way that you cannot expect anyone to be responsible for yours - if you are not happy you need to do something about it. I feel this other girl is just a symptom of what you feel is wrong with your relationship. If it wasn't her it would probably have been someone else. You cannot continue your life unhappy. You are responsible for making your life what you want it to be. Sometimes in life it takes a lot of courage to pursue our own happiness but if you don't you will never live the life you want. This means you either talk to you gf and tell her how you are feeling - re the relationship not the other girl - and see if you can't work it out, or you break up. A relationship is never easy and as long as you communicate it will work its way out. Do not settle for something out of fear of talking! Good luck - but remember please do not blame your gf for your happiness - you are responsible for this as she is responsible for hers!

kjl

last night I fell asleep with my covers pulled up to far, you want to know why we are similar? We both have cold feet.

Talk to your girlfriend and explain to her that this is what you are interested in and you want her to do things with you.

avoid the girl in work