Older guy - any tips?

LegacyUser

Hi all. Not sure if I can post this here?

I'm seeing a guy in his early fifties and we get on well. I like him, we have good fun together and I miss him when he's not around. The sex, however, is not great and I'm thinking of calling it a day because it's got to the stage where it's more work than pleasure. His erections are not very hard, are not reliable and he's very slow to come, and I don't know what more I can do to improve things. He says I really turn him on! I have suggested as gently and un-threateningly as I can that viagra might be fun to try but he says he thinks he's ok, that it's just tiredness or stress sometimes. Whether he really thinks that or if it's pride or fear speaking I don't know, but I feel I can't press the issue without killing it altogether.

Any suggestions, lads? Any techniques I may not know about, links etc? Anything I've looked up requires couple's counselling - I'm looking for something simpler, that doesn't shout "Let's tackle this PROBLEM together"!!!

miec

How much of an age gap is there?

I don't think his difficulties are down to you, as some men get older, it is harder to maintain an erection and orgasm so it is not personal. Does he spend time in foreplay? What I mean is he willing to pleasure you either through oral or hand, as well as pamper you all over. Could this area be expanded on and take the focus away from penetration?

shellyboo

Would he be open to using toys? A C0ck ring can do wonders for a less than enthusiastic erection...

LegacyUser

Thanks, Shellyboo, that sounds like a good idea. Just wondering how to organise it...!

Miec, not sure what an age gap has to do with it. You thinking it could be psychological? Foreplay is fine, and he does pay attention to me but it takes the good away when penetration is so problematical. He wants it, I want it, we both work at it and it's only partially successful. A vibrator is not what I want because it still does him no good.

A cock ring could be fun, I'm thinking! :-) It would require a certain amount of plain talking which might be difficult... but something needs doing or I'm off. At least if he had some idea of how to improve things he wouldn't be afraid to start a new relationship when/if we split.

shellyboo

Frustrated... wrote: »

A cock ring could be fun, I'm thinking! :-) It would require a certain amount of plain talking which might be difficult... but something needs doing or I'm off. At least if he had some idea of how to improve things he wouldn't be afraid to start a new relationship when/if we split.

Yeah, there's no other way to approach it than to just talk about it unfortunately. One massive tip - do not talk about sex stuff in the bedroom, or anywhere near the bedroom, or anytime sex is on the cards. Totally neutral, non-sexy time is when you want to be having that sort of chat.

Don't go off and buy one without asking him first either... that will make him feel inadequate! It really is a minefield this one, so tread carefully!

Bonito

Go to ann summers and buy "the blue pill" its natural and safe, never used it myself but I have female friends who have/had boyf's who hadn't as much of a drive for sex as them but everything outside the bedroom was fine, then one of them was in ann summers buying some lingerie to heat her boyf up in the bedroom when she seen the blue pill, needless to say when she combined the two she wasn't complaining later that night

carlychick

hi - just to say i emphatise with you! i had a boyfriend for a year and oh my god!!! he was so bad in the bedroom anytime we had a bit of action he went soft and sex was rubbish. he just avoided it at all costs, he was 43 and i am 35 with a normal healthy sexual desires. had to ditch him though cause he was so selfish and set in his ways and could not face upto the sex issue................ i think you need to get the sex thing sorted for sure..i am sorry i am not giving you great advice. hope it works out for you good luck

LegacyUser

Bonito wrote: »

Go to ann summers and buy "the blue pill" its natural and safe, never used it myself but I have female friends who have/had boyf's who hadn't as much of a drive for sex as them but everything outside the bedroom was fine, then one of them was in ann summers buying some lingerie to heat her boyf up in the bedroom when she seen the blue pill, needless to say when she combined the two she wasn't complaining later that night

Be glad you've never had to use it - ann summers' website reviews say it's rubbish! Rated 2.5 out of 10. Most people say it doesn't work at all, guess it's a placebo effect for the others. I'll need to stick with tried and tested methods I think, but thanks anyway - it got me to look up the site and you never know what else I'll find there...

CDfm

OP you are right in a way as this is a GP issue and if he is stressed or his blood pressure is not right it can affect his erection.

Its also likely that he could also be dehydrated and too much coffee which is a diuretic can affect him. Thats easily cured with increasing his water intake.

This is fairly basic stuff in general mens health and if his back was out he would go to the Doc. So a general check up seems in the order of the day.

The other thing is how confident is he in the bedroom - have you considered buying a book and being a bit adventurous . He could have pre-match nerves and may be a long time between matches.

Emme

I think it's a GP issue. Not all older guys have problems - younger guys have problems too. I was with a guy in his early 50s (a friend of a friend) and he nearly wore me out! I didn't expect that from a guy 15 years older than me Maybe he took a blue pill on the sly, but I don't think so...

If he was a heavy drinker at any stage in his life this could affect him.

CDfm

Emme wrote: »

I think it's a GP issue. Not all older guys have problems - younger guys have problems too. I was with a guy in his early 50s (a friend of a friend) and he nearly wore me out! I didn't expect that from a guy 15 years older than me Maybe he took a blue pill on the sly, but I don't think so...

Yup - it seems like that. If anything he should be more attentive and longer lasting.

So try the water thing as it will do no harm and its 2 or 3 small water bottles a day I think is what you need to top up by if you are dehydrated.

I have a friend a big guy early forties who goes to the gym plays golf etc and he works in sales. You wouldn't class him as being shy but he dates a mutual friend and he asked me.So you can get bedroom shyness. So OP you may need to find ways of stimulating him orally etc and get a book.

Anyway - a guy his age should be getting regular check ups -every 6 or 12 months and fcek any machismo -he would be a right eejit not too say it to his doctor especially not only because it could be a symptom of something else but because good sex is great.