New bloke and his number of conquests!

LegacyUser

Hi all, maybe I'm being a little naive on this one!

Just started seeing a new guy, and we jokingly mentioned how many people we have slept with. When he told me he'd slept with 29 women, I was genuinely taken aback. Now I'm no wallflower and would have been quite wild in my day, but my reaction was... this seemed a bit excessive. He's 24 and I always thought was a very easy going fella who didn't get around as much as others I'd have hung out with. Also, I figured he was very fussy when it came to choosing girls.

I am 28 and have only ever slept with 10 guys. I feel like such an angel when compared to his exploits! And I always considered myself a wild one!

Just wondering is my reaction silly? Is this an average number for a 24 year old Irish guy?

Thanks!

Liam Byrne

I know Wibbs and a few regulars are going to have a field day with this, because it comes down to ONE "problem"; nothing to do with the actual number, but the obsession with asking or knowing.

If he'd said "2", would you be wondering whether your 10 was too high ?

Asking - and answering - serves no purpose.

And what's "normal" varies from person to person. Any "average" could be skewed by some shallow irresponsible git who's off with a different girl every weekend, which would give him, say, 250, throwing an "average" way off.

Forget about it. There's no number that would be right (if he'd hit the right number you'd probably second-guess that he was lying in order not to shock you).

If the relationship works, you'll be his last; that's all that counts.

BraziliaNZ

it'll teach you to ask again! You really shouldn't ask this, you're never going to be pleased with the answer. I'm 29 and would never ask girlfriends this, and I don't even know how many I have slept with, a lot of them have been forced out of my memories.

Wagon

There's no point in telling her "you shouldn't have asked" lads. Deed is done.

If you think 29 is high then that's cool, it's your opinion. If he never really had girlfriends and he's a handsome chappie then his number would be high. I have had a few girlfriends but i know that my number would be higher had i been single a lot over the last few years. Circunstances and preferences differ for each person.

i think the circumstances surrounding someone's number tell a lot more about whether you should be worried. Did they cheat on partners? Did they sleep with people who they knew were married? Did they do other things that you think are pretty bad? If he was thinking with his dick all the time and didnt care about hurting people then id be worried. But if he has a high number because he was doing some thinking with his brain and respected others then that's good news. I have female friends who have had a fair few partners but they are still completly faithful because they are mature and have a bit of cop on you know yourself if he has that.

Liam Byrne

Wagon makes a good point.

Say someone was just unlucky with their choices and went out with 3 different people a year, each with the mindset/hope that it might go somewhere.

That'd give an average 30-year old a notional minimum of 30 people.

Add in a few no-harm-done flings or the odd one-night stand and you'd probably hit 35.....and all within a decent enough mindset that wasn't out to hurt anyone.

So it's the mindset behind the numbers that's the most important.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Statistically, yeah I'd say its a high number.

Does it mean he's more likely to have some emotional issue? - I woudn't think so, most guys would jump at the chance of sex, he's prob just more attractive than the rest of us! Is he more likely to cheat on you due to this number? - I wouldn't think so. For similar reasons as above.

Also, I've heard men regularly increase their number of partners almost instinctively when asked about it. Perhaps he thought a high number would impress you.

LegacyUser

Well lets think of it this way, lets just pretend hes been having sex since he was 18 and he's 24 now, thats makes it 6 years. Thats an average (very roughly) of 5 a year. Thats not scarily high. He could be going out with a girl for a few months, break up, have a few one night stands in the space of a few months, maybe go out with an another girl for a few months. Add in young, probably attractive with libidos - its not unreasonable that the numbers would creep up.

metrovelvet

I dont know what to say. I know men with a way higher track record than that, and they were all womanisers. He might be one too. I knew a 17 year old who had been with 75 women but he had been at it since he was 12. I think it all the women eventually become a blur. Im not a prude but excessive numbers do raise a number of red flags.

Liam Byrne

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Wagon makes a good point.

Say someone was just unlucky with their choices and went out with 3 different people a year, each with the mindset/hope that it might go somewhere.

That'd give an average 30-year old a notional minimum of 30 people.

Add in a few no-harm-done flings or the odd one-night stand and you'd probably hit 35.....and all within a decent enough mindset that wasn't out to hurt anyone.

So it's the mindset behind the numbers that's the most important.

See........the thing is, if he was going out with 3 people a year for several years in the hope it would go somewhere, he wasn't unlucky in his choices. He either is a terrible judge of character or was somehow unable to make the relationships work. It's nothing to do with luck. Lots of people will say it doesn't matter how many people someone has slept with but I disagree. It tells you something about the person.

And the example of 5 people a year is a hell of a lot. That would tell me the person either rode lots of randomers or somehow was unable to keep a relationship going for more than 2 or 3 months in which case I'd be asking why. I know a good few guys of that age with that number and I wouldn't go near any of them. I just don't agree with taking sex THAT lightly on a regular basis. One of the guys I know has slept with 2 or 3 of his girl friends in 2 months, the last one just over a week ago, and now has started going out with a new girl. Fair play to her but I wouldn't date him. If a guy was flirting with me and it was heading towards a relationship, I would NOT be happy if he decided to ride someone else just because theoretically he was single. I prefer my men to be a bit fussier than that.

So yea, I would find the number very high and personally wouldn't like it, but once you've got all the doubts out of the way, it could be grand. Why don't you just ask him? Not for details but just how come he has such a high number. I don't think that's overly nosy. And I assume he's been tested for STD's recently?

kjl

rule of three, divide that by three plus or minus 1 and you have your real number.

MAB83

OP my girlfriend had the same reaction as you did when I told her my number (mine was mid thirties, hers was ten). She didn't freak out but I could tell it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear. I think girls need to know the number though for some reason, if she had never had asked me I wouldn't care what her number was. It's not like I'm proud of that number or anything but I had my fun plus I had a year and a half in Australia so it probably doubled in that time.

Don't judge him on it or worry that you're just another number. Everyone has a past, he just happens to have slept with more girls than you have with guys. It's not like his number is that ridiculously huge anyway. It won't bother you at all after a while if you're together and he's a good guy.

LegacyUser

Im 24 too and my number would be roughly the same, as would a lot of my mates who havent really had a long, long term relationship. I think it is pretty normal, as someone siad before if he first had sex at 16/17 thats nearly 8 years of having sex. If you throw in that he may have been on a J1, lived abroad and had several holidays, the number is going to increase.

I would find it strange enough that he says 29 and is so sure about it, like i said i would be hitting around that number but i aint sure of the exact number. Perhaps he just settled on a number as you had asked.

It really shouldnt be a problem and only will be if you let it be. Dont take notice of the judgmental posts written above implying there must be some deep reason behind it. He obviously hasnt been with someone he wanted to make a go of a long relationship with or if he has it didnt work out like he hoped. If you do really like him you should feel lucky that he feels he can be open and honest with you and it probably means he wants to make a go of things with you. The 'magic number' issue will then seem irrelevant.

magneticimpulse

im glad this topic came up!!! im 28 and have slept with 11 guys...give one or 2 i dont think i did sleep with but they are added in that number anyhow. i asked my ex how many? he said i dunno 35 or 40. he is 31 and was in relationships for maybe around 9 years plus. sex since 18, so i thought this was really high. i got upset (should have known better) and he got back to me the next day and said the number was 19. then he questioned my number. give and take i was in a on off relationship for 3 years and with him 1 year. he expected mine to be much higher. so i wasnt happy with his initial number and he wasnt happy that such an attractive girl who was single for so long, number was relatively low for my age.

to be honest i thought i would have been finished at number 11, but looks like number 12 will hopefully be my final one.

cant really give advice, just that i think girls always want to know the number. as afterall you dont want to be dating a man slut. if you like him, dont make an issue about it. it might actually be lower number and its an estimate. if i was to count how many kisses i had, i would really be lost for that and come up with an estimate