Girlfriend problem

LegacyUser

I'll try to make this as short and to the point as possible



I'm with a girl 6 months. I'm 25 she is 20. I have feelings for here, and i think she has them for me
She is not Irish and from another country (a country far away from Ireland :P )
As of the last 2 weeks she has been saying that she is going home but doesnt know when. We talked about it and I said I would like to continue the relationship until she gets on the plane and its apparent a long-distance thing wont work out, as she has no plans to return to ireland. At this time I thought it wasnt going to be for a few months, as she didnt know when and also because she had to sort out alot before leaving.

Its sooner than expected.
in fact, probably less than two weeks away. I realised that what I said, "be in a relationship until you get on the plane" - I guess, was something that I only said because I thought that fateful day was months off as the words "i dont know when" were said - i guess I am the type of person who feel things differently when that situation is upon me in the face.


There is a problem. half of me says do the right thing, spend time with her, enjoy it and what will be will be.

The other half of me is ... well ... on monday we had a chat over the phone and "other partners" came into it. Obviously if she is moving away, what can be said, obvious facts. I was saying " [about keeping in contact] I want to, but if we talk, i dont think i'd be comfortable with you being with other guys [because of my feelings] but like, youre obviously moving country. Obvious facts and all" - But to my suprise she responded so cold heartedly "i wont be a nun over there!, you should have sex with other girls!" ... now, as i say, obvious facts if she is moving away but i dont think that needed to be said. It seemed abit too cold.

We had a fight and didnt talk for about 2 days. She wants to continue the relationship until she moves away. She says that she has missed me etc. As I have missed her.


As you can guess from reading i am in two places.
1, make the most of it.
or
2, feeling that my "worth" or "usefullness" is only to be boyfriend until she moves away. I dont mean to sound like a D*ck... its just thats what one half of it seems. As I say, she plans on moving back home, but only for 9 months then to move to North America for college.


I have never once said that moving was a bad option for her, as with her situation its best. but I really need some advice. And thats why i am coming here.


Do I spend every last moment with her and enjoy it?
or, do i realise that maybe the other side of me is right, that, she has a new life planned and that I am not apart of it... - obvious facts and all but that other 50% of me is telling me, my usefulness is to be boyfriend in this country.

not to get too personal... but ... she doesnt have the most exciting of lives over here. She doesnt go out to bars too much, life is uneventful, so, that nagging feeling i have is telling me that her life would be better with me in it, until her new one begins.


I dont want to be that kind of a d*ck that just breaks something off with a girl cause she is moving away, but, at the same time, i dont want to be used. To drop her off at the airport and to be told "thanks for the memories, i'll give you a few skype calls. bye"



please your advice

Shin Bet

hi Jason
first off I have to comend you youre in a difficult situation and you seem to be handleing it well.
ok so you were a bit naive when she said she was heading home, did this come out of the blue or did she say from the start she never intended to stay in Ireland ? anyway whats done is done you have feelings for her.

Part of the problem is her age shes only 20 with her whole life in front of her and Im sure hte toughts of leaving here and being home are daunting enough but at least she is being honost with you that she wont be sitting around watching tv on a saturday night.

yes she could be that cold hearted that she wants you as a boyfriend "to pass the time" until she goes as tough as it sounds a lot of people are able to do that I wouldnt be one of them. as Im sure you wouldnt either.
so what to do now.
think of it like this, if you had a fight and she missed you after two days imagine what she will be like after two weeks at home she might miss you enough to come back if thats the case definitly be the boyfriend till she gets on the plane and hope for the best.

or you could have a talk with her and finish it today and start the healing process without the heartache of goodbyes at the airport but regret what might have been in the two weeks.

one thing is I would be prepared for is some kind of comeback in a bad way by her, In a few weeks she might be mad at herself for leaving Ireland. and you and could take it out on you in a bad way maybe saying something like "I wasnt happy with you" or something to that effect. just remember some people when they move home have a feeling of resentment that they never made it in the forign country. this can easily be turned into anger directed at someone she loves.

I hope whatever descion you make helps you.

LegacyUser

OP here,

thanks for the input Shin Bet



Think its looking like I am just "an irish boyfriend"
Decided last night to arrange meeting her today in Tallaght around 2pm. I am from North Dublin (other side) She text me saying about how she said it was a bad day and it might rain. Is it a good idea to meet kind of stuff ... texted her saying its up to her. After about 3 texts of how "bad the weather" was. She said she'd met.

I decided not to.
She only lives ten mins walk from the square shopping centre (where we were going to meet) and altho i am coming from the other side of dublin, it was too much to meet it felt like.

maybe i over reacted. but.. this was first meet after the fight. and, weather was more important i think.

I got to pull the plug.


Seriously, why does dating suck? lol.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Tough one mate.

She knew she'll be going to the states since she got accepted so this had to have crossed your minds previously.

Personally I'd go with friends with benefits for now, perhaps a cheeky holiday to wherever she lives before she goes to the states but I'm probably a much less grown up 24year old than you.

You seem mad about her so I'd say break up and cut contact. Personally I couldn't deal with that but think you need to get into the healing process asap.

I know its gonna be a painful break up but try and remember the good times. Don't be angry at her, she's only 20 and you knew this when you started seeing her.

Shin Bet

oh op i hate those ones
the ones who always find an excuse to avoid a meet up or talk
there really not worth it, your right pull the plug if it was me id do in a nice amicabe text saying I was going to break up with you at the square but it was going to rain soooo.... you get the picture

Bonito

Pull the plug OP, imagine if you meet a girl by chance that you fancy and you wanna swap numbers and you think "oh no wait i'm in a relationship for the next two weeks"

Now that'd really suck