i know i should stop

LegacyUser

ok long time poster going unreg for honest answers.

ok before i start let me make a few statements just to prevent things getting heated later...

i have been seeing a guy who has a LD GF. I KNOW THIS IS WRONG

i have been sleeping with this guy.. I ALSO KNOW THIS IS WRONG

i havent know this guy long.. this isnt wrong but its very relevant!

i am single... relevant to me!

ok so the general gist is that i met this great guy, started sleeping with him, found out he has a girlfriend, now we cant stop what were doing. we have tried stopping things to no avail in fairness i really didnt want to stop it and neither did he. we just cant get enough of each other and its driving me absolutely crazy. its not a one sided thing, this i know.

why cant we stop? thats my question! ive known him 3 months, the sex is fab, we are great friends, we get on like a house on fire. i need to stop it because i know its wrong and so does he but the attraction is something neither of us can resist. it was there the first day we ever met.

so why? why is it so hard to stop? i should not b feeling what im feeling for him after only a few months. it really cant be normal! has anyone else ever felt this way?

Mixedup

If it's not a one sided thing why don't you just tell him to break up with the girlfriend?
He obviously doesnt care too much about her if he's been sleeping with you for 3 months. If he won't break up with her then he's not as into you as you think.

Shin Bet

plus one for the above also think of this.

You didnt know at the start he had a gf thats good for you but if he does break up with her whats to stop him from meeting someone else and doing the same while you two are going out.
Its the once a cheater syndrome. Id say finish it with him and find an honost guy they are out there.

LegacyUser

Mixedup wrote: »

If it's not a one sided thing why don't you just tell him to break up with the girlfriend?
He obviously doesnt care too much about her if he's been sleeping with you for 3 months. If he won't break up with her then he's not as into you as you think.

hes going to speak to her next weekend. they have been together quiet a while and dont see each other often. although we are going behind her back he still doesnt want to hurt her. which i totally understand because i feel terrible for what were doing. like i ament totally heartless, i know he still has feelings for his gf, we just dont understand the feelings we have for each other when we really havent known each other all that long.

LegacyUser

Shin Bet wrote: »

Its the once a cheater syndrome. Id say finish it with him and find an honost guy they are out there.

thing is we are brutally honest with each other. its something we have made the centre of our 'relationship', for want of a better word, and something we both appreciate and expect from the other and something that has brought us closer together.

i always have stood by the once a cheater and all that but this is honestly different. he isnt the typical cheater, hes actually one of the good ones! which makes it even more bizzare. i too am not the type of girl who would be happy to be the other woman or even want to be but this thing seems to have thrown all morals and beliefs out the window.

LegacyUser

I have been in the same situation as you. You need to tell him you can't keep seeing him while he has a girlfriend, Then cut all contact. Otherwise it will all end in tears. You are worth more than someones bit on the side. You deserve to be someone no. 1.
If he likes you as much as you like him he will leave his girlfriend and then call you.

sam34

all confussed wrote: »

i always have stood by the once a cheater and all that but this is honestly different. he isnt the typical cheater, hes actually one of the good ones! which makes it even more bizzare.

i'm not a religious person at all, but ive often heard teh following said, and i think it's a good analogy here.

people (religious people) say the most evil and clever thing the devil ever did was getting most people to disbelieve that he actually exists. thats what he wants and needs people to believe, so he can then go about his evil deeds unhindered.if they believe that, then they dont have to go round worrying about him, and trying to identify and prevent his acts.

bear with me here!

of course this guy wants you to think he "isnt a typical cheater".

i bet he's told you he's never cheated before and never thought he would ever cheat.

thats what he wants and needs you to believe.

he's hardly going to tell you the truth if he is a guy that cheats regularly.

we know he's not truthful and trustworthy - after all, he's been lying to his girlfriend.

how do you know you can trust him?

why would he be honest with you when hes not being honest with the person he's supposedly in a committed relationship with?

get the blinkers off.

and remember, if he does dump her and if you become his girlfriend, then your current position - that of his bit on the side- becomes vacant for another woman.

themadchef

all confussed wrote: »

thing is we are brutally honest with each other. its something we have made the centre of our 'relationship', for want of a better word, and something we both appreciate and expect from the other and something that has brought us closer together.

i always have stood by the once a cheater and all that but this is honestly different. he isnt the typical cheater, hes actually one of the good ones! which makes it even more bizzare. i too am not the type of girl who would be happy to be the other woman or even want to be but this thing seems to have thrown all morals and beliefs out the window.

You sound like a very smart lady. You've been swept up in this whirlwind. Step back, look at the situation sensibly. The part i underlined, well, let me try this analogy, "he isint the typical thief" he does it with class is that what you mean? Wrap it up, dress it up, pour sugar on top if it makes you feel better but he is a cheater.

What happens if he comes back and says "ahh sure it's almost Christmas, i'll wait till after Christmas to break up with her"

You are very much the other woman here until he breaks it off. I'm not going to lay into you for that, we all make our own choices in life. I will however remind you that if you do get together trust is going to be a major issue down the line.

It;s great to find that spark, but he's committed elsewhere, and a coward if he carrys on like this.

Best of luck.

dirtydress

How long has this been going on? The full 3 months you've known him??! To be honest I cant believe you put up with being his bit on the side for so long, I really dont think i could play second fiddle to anyone. I hope he make a definitive decision soon, for both your sakes.

LegacyUser

HaveTheTshirt wrote: »

I have been in the same situation as you. You need to tell him you can't keep seeing him while he has a girlfriend, Then cut all contact. Otherwise it will all end in tears. You are worth more than someones bit on the side. You deserve to be someone no. 1.
If he likes you as much as you like him he will leave his girlfriend and then call you.

ive done this... i said those exact words and told him he couldnt have his cake and eat it but politely, im actaully not a bitch despite my weird situation i find myself in!! i left like id cut my right arm off afterwards. i ached for him

but its not as easy as cutting all contact... id be good at that bit apart from the fact i have to see him every single day for the next few years, we spend 8 hours a day together, have mutual friends who we both love! although we now live in the same town neither of us is from here and there the only friends we have!

thank you all for your replies...lol at the religious bits but so true when you think about it!

i know every single one of you are right, ive always known that and known what we have is THE most unhealthy obsession ever!

ok i guess i need to know how to end it when we have to remain friends for both our sakes and the sakes of our future careers, and for our mutual friends sakes, but still be able to avoid the temptation of hopping into bed with each other whenever the opportunity arises...ahem!

LegacyUser

dirtydress wrote: »

How long has this been going on? The full 3 months you've known him??! To be honest I cant believe you put up with being his bit on the side for so long, I really dont think i could play second fiddle to anyone. I hope he make a definitive decision soon, for both your sakes.

not quiet, its been going on for about 6 or 7 weeks maybe. wasnt too pushed at the start as i really didnt want to get into anything but im falling so hard for him i need to hit a speed bump soon or the s*** is going to hit the fan and i really dont want us to fall out over any of this

martdalto

I also agree that if he was really, really that crazy about you, he would have finished with his girlffriend long before this.

It's been going on 3 months, I know you said they dn't see each other regularly, but surely he's seen her in 3 months? Has he slept with her while he's been sleeping with you?

I agree with HaveTheTSHirt. Hard as it is going to be for you, you need to tell him that in order to give you both some space and time to think about things, that you'll stay out of the way until he does what he needs to do with his gf. And then DON'T contact him.

If he wants you and if you are meant to be together, he'll be back to you by the end of the weekend (next weekend you said, not this one?) It's only a week - stay away from him and see how far he is prepared to go for you.

LegacyUser

martdalto wrote: »

I also agree that if he was really, really that crazy about you, he would have finished with his girlffriend long before this.

It's been going on 3 months, I know you said they dn't see each other regularly, but surely he's seen her in 3 months? Has he slept with her while he's been sleeping with you?

I agree with HaveTheTSHirt. Hard as it is going to be for you, you need to tell him that in order to give you both some space and time to think about things, that you'll stay out of the way until he does what he needs to do with his gf. And then DON'T contact him.

If he wants you and if you are meant to be together, he'll be back to you by the end of the weekend (next weekend you said, not this one?) It's only a week - stay away from him and see how far he is prepared to go for you.

its impossible tho... the staying away from him bit, ive NO choice but to see him every day!

LegacyUser

OP-all confussed I'm in that same position as you. He is not from my town but is working here and I see in during his working day.He says he is with his girlfriend years(also LD) and I know he has other women on the side aswell as me. I know this because he has openly admitted to loving sex and to wanting to have fun with others, even asked me once would I be interested in a 3-some.

I pulled away recently and actually cried over him. I never wanted him as much. I was just getting over him when he contacted me again saying he wanted me.
Here I am now
- knowing he is a cheater
- knowing he has lied to me eventhough he looked me in the eye saying what he did
- wanting him again
- knowing he wants to keep in contact to have me as a go-to-gal when he is bored or alone

but can I stop? I want to stop again but we have great chemistry when we get together and that's what I think about.

I know how you feel but what can we honestly do. He is great at what he does. It's bordering emotional blackmail of sorts for me.

LegacyUser

i know for a fact i am the only one 'on the side' and that he has in fact never cheated before. im not saying how i know this but its a fact etched in stone almost!

im glad im not the only one that feels this way, i was actually thinking i was beig a bit weird for falling for a guy who ive known all of a few months

sam34

all confussed wrote: »

i know for a fact i am the only one 'on the side' and that he has in fact never cheated before. im not saying how i know this but its a fact etched in stone almost!

im glad im not the only one that feels this way, i was actually thinking i was beig a bit weird for falling for a guy who ive known all of a few months

sorry, but you dont, and cant, know the above as fact.

you've only known this guy a few months.

you have no way of knowing anything about his past as fact.

here's what you do know as fact, however:

he's a liar
he's cheating on his girlfriend on an ongoing basis

hmmmmm, quite the catch, isnt he?

dudara

Are you comfortable with the thought of him sleeping with his girlfriend while he is also sleeping with you? Because I can bet you he is.

Stop making excuses - you know damn well what you are doing and the excuse of not being in control is piffle and lazy.

Back off and leave him alone until he has sorted his relationship out.

martdalto

all confussed wrote: »

its impossible tho... the staying away from him bit, ive NO choice but to see him every day!

But you HAVE a choice.. ok you have to see him everyday, but that's all! Surely for the sake of one week you can both control yourselves! Don't sleep with him, don't go out with him on a date for lunch whatever.. just 'stay away'... it IS posisble to do, even if you see him everyday!!

It is perfectly normal to completely fall for someone in such a short time. I knew within 2 weeks of being with my now husband that I was going to marry him. Nobody is saying this can't work out.. because I'm sure it can. But his relationships needs to end before you can continue this.

'Stay away' for one week. Then at least you'll know what's going on. If he doesn't finish with her next weekend, how long are you prepared to wait for him? (that's a genuine question by the way!)

LegacyUser

martdalto wrote: »

But you HAVE a choice.. ok you have to see him everyday, but that's all! Surely for the sake of one week you can both control yourselves! Don't sleep with him, don't go out with him on a date for lunch whatever.. just 'stay away'... it IS posisble to do, even if you see him everyday!!

i have to see him constant for between 2 & 8 hours a day! its very hard, not the control ourselves bit cos obviously were in public during that time but its hard not to look at him etc and stop the thoughts in my head! and id rather not sit alone for lunch when everyone else sits together, i already said i dont want to alienate our friends or myself

i know he sleeps with his girlfriend, i have no answer to how i feel about that. i sure you can guess.

i do know for a fact that he has never cheated before and that im the only other one. it really doesnt matter if you dont believe me, i know.

in fairness i need to keep this as friendly as i possibly can for everyones sake. i know its going to be hard but i deserve to be someones nnumber one as one poster so eloquently said earlier!

all confussed

all confussed wrote: »

thing is we are brutally honest with each other. its something we have made the centre of our 'relationship', for want of a better word, and something we both appreciate and expect from the other and something that has brought us closer together.

i always have stood by the once a cheater and all that but this is honestly different. he isnt the typical cheater, hes actually one of the good ones! which makes it even more bizzare. i too am not the type of girl who would be happy to be the other woman or even want to be but this thing seems to have thrown all morals and beliefs out the window.

That is very, very naive. What on earth is a typical cheater? He is cheating on his long term girlfriend, how much more of a cheater can you be? He's probably telling his girlfriend how much he loves and misses her every day - what kind of 'good guy' does that? Believe me, I was fooled by my ex, everyone thought he was such as 'nice guy', I was convinced he wasn't the 'type' to cheat. There is no type. NOTHING good will come of this, believe me. I feel sorry for the poor girlfriend.

LegacyUser

martdalto wrote: »

how long are you prepared to wait for him? (that's a genuine question by the way!)

im not going to wait. i dont know if he will finish it with her but if he doesnt it'll just be the proof i need to stop things i think.

do you think i should say it to him beforehand that if he doesnt finish it then hes lost me or should i just keep it in my own head and hit him with it if he returns still attached? i want to know he finished it because he wanted to finish it and not for me or cos i asked him or told him or whatever.

LegacyUser

[quote=[Deleted User];63121854] I feel sorry for the poor girlfriend.[/QUOTE]

so do i

martdalto

all confussed wrote: »

do you think i should say it to him beforehand that if he doesnt finish it then hes lost me or should i just keep it in my own head and hit him with it if he returns still attached? i want to know he finished it because he wanted to finish it and not for me or cos i asked him or told him or whatever.

Well you said earlier, that he was going to talk to her next weekend? What's he going to talk to her about? I assumed it was he was going to "talk" as in break up with her.. ?

You have said that you 2 are honest with each other and it's one of the fundemental things in your relationship.. so be honest and up front with him. Ask him is he going to finish with her. If he says yes, tell him that for this week then you should keep your distance until he is free. (You can still 'look' and 'think' anything you want.. just don't 'do'!!)

If he says No, then I suppose you know what needs to be done.

By the way... I assume you work together? Don't fool yourselves that you're being discrete! You friends/colleagues, (possibly even your boss) know!

LegacyUser

martdalto wrote: »

By the way... I assume you work together? Don't fool yourselves that you're being discrete! You friends/colleagues, (possibly even your boss) know!

nope. we are part of a larger community :-) our close friends know and after that frankly it doesnt bother me who knows cos not many know he has a gf so they presume...

Liam Byrne

all confussed wrote: »

i know he sleeps with his girlfriend, i have no answer to how i feel about that. i sure you can guess.

No, we can't guess, because we don't cheat with other peoples' other halves and leave them have the best of both worlds.

Maybe if you actually typed how you feel about this, it might help you reflect on the fact that how you feel about this is directly related to how you feel for him; i.e. if you have rose-coloured glasses and reckon he's somehow god's gift (which I can assure you, a 3-month two-timing prick is not) and are SEPARATING or IGNORING how the above makes you feel, then you need to merge those.

If the above makes you feel like ****, then say so. Because he's the one making you feel like ****, and you're also helping a fair bit yourself by not respecting either yourself or his girlfriend.

LegacyUser

Ok this isnt going to be what you want to here so you might want to skip this now. Im in a ld relationship. If I knew my fella was at this and his, mistress?, other girlfriend?, was on saying she felt strongly for him and loved the sex and "felt bad" for being the other woman and saying she couldnt control herself and it wasnt her fault, it was the "attraction" I would be sickened. This other girl doenst need your pity, she needs you to stay away from her boyfriend while he is her boyfriend. The words used seem to be trying to justify your actions. You have no right to sleep with him (once would be a mistake but for 6-7weeks?). Ive been out and seen atractive people but I dont sleep with them, I control myself. Its not that hard not to sleep with someone is it?! You say you have to see him every day, but in a group setting, Just dont take him to situations where you will be alone with him. Do you have a girl mate you can confide in and be your "buddy" to help you get over this? Or do you even want to get over him? If he likes you he can break up with his missus and start things with you. But dont come on here and say you feel sorry for her, that you feel bad and that you cant resist him. It disrespects you, and the girlfriend. i know someone can love two people, but that is no excuse to cheat. Its not your fault, if he will cheat on his girlf with you he is capable of cheating with someone else. Can you put yourself in her shoes? If he breaks up with her and starts going out with you will you be able to trust him, knowing he is capable of lying and cheating for weeks while professing love to his oh? What is a typical cheater? How many relationships do you know start on a basis of lies and cheating and actually survive? There are plenty of single men out there, and the longer this goes on the harder it is on you. He is manipulating you (even if he doesnt fully realise it) and playing on your feelings and it isnt fair on anyone, and even if he thinks he has feelings he isnt showing them this way. Give him an ultimatum and find out, but it is so hard always being told next week, now isnt the right time its x occassion, next month, soon, i love you and i will break up with her after christmas, her birthday, after our wedding, after our first child is born. Maybe he will breakuo and if you do get together all the best. In the words of Doctor Phil if he cheats with you he will cheat on you. Best of luck and I really do hope you work it out and end up being happy and with someone who is mature and honest enough to be in a proper, functioning relationship.

LegacyUser

OP i think you are just on here to offload your guilty feelings & validate them with people here who are anonymous to you - but i honestly do not believe you have any intention of ceasing this relationship. At the end of the day, you are being as selfish as he is... Your comment of making 'honesty' an integral part of your 'relationship' made me laugh,....seriously?!! When you believe something is bad enough, or wrong enough, it will outweigh any good stuff you can see in a situation. And thats the crux here, you might 'feel bad' and 'feel guilty', but not bad / guilty enough to stop yourself speaking / sleeping with him etc. It seems a case of 'I'll have what i want, regardless' with you, and your attempts to appear somewhat turmoiled here don't wash... If you got your man, could you honestly tell us all here that, you wouldn't worry that he could one day do the same on you? I doubt it.... Already in his mind you are OK with him being a cheat, you are aiding and abetting it and rewarding him for it - that'll come back to bite you in the ass, believe me.

LegacyUser

Earlier you said that his excuse for delaying telling her was because he didnt want to hurt her. Surely having sex with someone else behind her back would hurt her more than him just breaking up with her? You actually have to get rid of him. He's only looking out for himself, and if you cant see that yourself then take it from all of us posters on here who are screaming it at you!

LegacyUser

Hi OP!

Ok i don't have much experience in relationships or whatever but I do know is that it's impossible to truly love someone unless you have been with them for ages. There's a difference between love and lust. I think you know what you are doing is wrong and hurting someone else so you are justifying it to yourself by thinking that it's love.
I have spent the last few years helping my elder sister in a relationship that started quite similarly to yours. Her fellas ex girlfriend moved on while my sister was left dealing with her life slowly falling apart around her at such a young age (she was 19). She deluded herself that she loved him, he loved her, he left his fiancee for her.
Five years later, she realised, after they moved in together that he can't be trusted. He's a a serial flirt, has no respect for her and has left her a few times for other girls (who all thought he was in love with them.)
This relationship has pretty much been the focus of my teen years but it has taught me a lot. Men that cheat, always cheat. People love the attraction of being with someone unavailable and often mistake this attraction for love.
My sister has now fallen in love with this man and wants to be with him but he can't deal with the commitment. The trule love story you have in your head is just that...in your head. It doesn't happen that way. It's easy to control yourself....walk away.
It might seem like it could work but I'd advise you to approach this 'relationship' with extreme caution.

SarahSassy

If he is still sleeping with her, he ain't leaving her.... This will all blow up in your face whether now or in the future when he cheats on you.... Move on and you can only go upwards.

Bonito

Is he with you for you or is he with you for that little bit of excitement until his girlf is back on the scene and then all his sexual tension of lusting after her while she's away is then displaced from you and on to her and you're forced to take the back seat, and while on this back seat you start lusting after him, why? Because simply put you want what you can't have.

End it, not befor him or you get hurt, but before his girlf gets hurt, she deserves better and is the innocent one in all of this, and for you to know about her and still continue with the relationship is very dishonest, a decent girl would have ended it and told his girlf what he was up to.

dublingal80

I cant believe how much you trust this guy when you have only known him for a few months. And I cant believe how much you believe of what he says. Its crazy

Firstly, if you pitied his girlfriend and everything that was going on, as a woman you would STOP! Us women have to stick together and if you feel THAT bad for her, STOP!!!! Let him finish up with her and then resume. It doesnt matter if his friends know about the girlfriend or not, STOP MAKING EXCUSES! You know its not right what you are doing

U know deep down what you have to do. And its to stop EVERYTHING until he is single. If you HAVE to see him every day or whatever, do that. Thats fine, just dont be put into a position where you are alone together and where things can progress. Let him do what he says he has to do, break up with her. otherwise the girl WILL find out. There is always a way to find out about these things and you will also come out looking like the bad guy

Im sorry but he is still sleeping with his gf and you.... I dont see how he is going to break up with her any time soon. If he wasnt sleeping with her it would show their relationship was on the down and out, but its not. IF he does break up with her, I dont see him wanting to be exclusive with you. No way! I can see him wanting to continue messing around with you, but in his mind he will be single, which he hasnt been in a while, and he will want the time to have fun with his friends and go out drinkin and meet girls... and still have you on the side.

You will not be number 1 to him. Never. If you were going to, he would have already broken up with his girlfriend if he felt that strongly about you

Also, dont forget: KARMA!



and PS: just because you are single does not make any difference to the situation whatsoever. You know he has a girlfriend and you continue to do what you are doing.

Emme

He's a cheat. If he was a decent guy he wouldn't have cheated on his LD GF for so long. If he was really into you he'd have finished with her BEFORE he started sleeping with you.

If you slept with him the once and walked away with a few regrets for what happened I'd think ok, anyone can make a mistake, but you're selling yourself short here by continuing to sleep with this cheater. Do you ever stop to think about his GF and how you would feel if you were her being cheated on?

If he has seen her in the last 3 months there's a 99.9% chance he has slept with her as well.

Sir James Goldsmith said "When a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy". Straight from the horse's mouth - Sir James was a brilliant and charismatic man but a notorious womaniser.

babyinacorner90

Ok..
Its actually a known fact there are more women in the world then men resulting in the main woman and the other woman....*fact*

So, this guys sounds like he's keeping the both of you for his benefit.
Think about it. He's never gonna get caught. Shes LD, your near him.
Its a flawless booty plan.
He gets you on the weekdays ,her on the weekend. lol
If you decide to carry this on, remember, you have no idea whats going on when hes with her and WHAT hes telling her. If he was more keen on you, wouldnt he of done you justice and broken up with her and got with you, considering your great friends?
Its easy to fall for someone but what kinda person does it make you if your sleeping with a girls boyfriend, and you actually know this??
If she was sitting down infront of you right now, how would you feel?
Trust me, you both are being played by a very good liar.
And who knows? Maybe he has another girl somewhere else on the side.
..John Tucker style.
Ever read "Hes just not that into you"? Seriously, Im not saying that to be mean, Im saying it because its a really good book. I have it at home. Basically, theres tons of articles about the other woman and the guy is sweet talkin, saying he'll leave his gf blah blah blah..2 years later, we're still waiting for his relationship status to change.
He's telling you what you wanna hear to distract you from the situation....
Hes having your cake and eating hers too. His lying and cheating ways should tell you what kind of person he is. By all means, if you find that attractive, stick around sister, cause it will be a long wait. But If you know you dont want this, you know you want your OWN guy, ditch his cheating ass.
Dont be "the other woman" cause your not gonna be the main woman in his life if youve already landed the role of the other woman....These stories never end well.....And besides, if this all comes out, do you want the rep as the "other woman"? Cause, if you do get the rep, watch your friends who have boyfriends hold onto their men tightly around you....
Girlfriend, ditch him and find YOUR OWN man
One you deserve and one who will treat you like the queen you are!
If you have recognised it now, you know you know what to do

magneticimpulse

has anyone agreed with you that this is a good idea so far? i think the majority say this is a bad idea. its happened to me...i was Long Distance from a guy in dublin who had a long distance girlfriend in germany. he also had girls on the side in dublin. hmmm he was not your typical cheat either, very nice well spoken guy!! he broke all our hearts but i was the clever one who found out and told the other girls. not to hurt them, but to make them aware of who they thought was mr. right.

my friend had similar situation with a married man. similar stories, didnt love his wife, was going to leave her and end it. the wife had a baby 2 weeks ago and my friend was left with a crappy text that said, sorry but "you" have to leave me alone forever!!

the posters are most likely to have experience in the area. i was in another long distance relationship and again this time a girl contacted me to say my lovely ex boyfriend had been sleeping with her and another girl (god knows how else). it makes me sick, because he was coming here and we had the most wonderful relationship. at no stage did he say he ever cheated and i will never know. but what i know is women should stick together and keep their hands off other men that are in relationships because its no fun when it happens to you.

Liam Byrne

magneticimpulse wrote: »

he was not your typical cheat either, very nice well spoken guy!!

I always have to laugh when I read things like this......what did you expect him to do - act like the prick that he is and wear a t-shirt saying "I'm a cheat" ???

Mind you, the OP's scenario is different, because she already KNOWS that he's a louse (albeit told a little too late to protect her from him) and she's now facilitating his cheating.

OP - saying "I know" and putting it in bold doesn't change a thing if you're not prepared to do something about it.

merlie

Hi Op,

It's only exciting because he is in a relationship and what you both are doing is wrong and knowing its wrong makes it all the more so. The fact he is cheating on his girlfriend, says a lot about his character. He has feelings for his girlfriend, yet at the same time, he is cheating on her, makes no sense. If you love someone you will not cheat on them. The thing about cheating is, it is mostly sex based, rushed meetings etc.

I know what being cheated on is like as it happened to me once many years ago and it is not a nice thing to happen to anyone. But who is to say that if he leaves his girlfriend, the spark will go from what you had with him or that if you do get together, than who is to say that he won't cheat on you too?? I know I would find it hard to trust a man like that. And what makes you believe that everything he is saying is the truth? He may never leave his girlfriend for you, so be prepared for that. I mean what do you think of him being intimate with you and then with his girlfriend??!! It isn't right full stop.

I think you are far better off stopping this now and get on with your life. You do not need any of this. He is having his cake and eating it!!

I have a motto - once a cheater, always a cheater.

LegacyUser

He isn't going to break up with his girlfriend if he was going to, he would have done it by now. Guys like this are just players and are usually very good at it, you can be damn sure that everything he says to you, that he cares about you, that the sex is great , that use have great chemistry etc is exactly what he says to his girlfriend when he see's her. I bet she thinks he is a great guy, charming, too good to be true etc.

And the next girl he hooks up with will think this as well, I doubt either of you would be any loss to him if push came to shove he is just thinking of himself, you during the week, his GF the weekend and if it all ends for him he will do it again, if you get together as a couple he will do the same to you that he has done to her and that point he will break your heart, its a cycle honestly it is.

I know this because I have done it, loads of times in the past, I kept girlfriends purely for sex and I cheated on them with anyone that I found attractive and that would fall for my crap after time I believed it. I'd tell them all the same thing and it never bothered me when they left, I didn't feel guilty for anyone either and saw alot of girls go on the way you are right now, like he actually wants to be with you.

BTW i'm just giving advice no need for anyone to hop on me because of this behaviour i don't do it anymore I eventually got Karma turned on me and copped on.

Emme

magneticimpulse wrote: »

hmmm he was not your typical cheat either, very nice well spoken guy!!

:D:D LMAO!! Very nice well spoken guys are just as likely to cheat as anyone else. More so, IMHO. Don't think that because he's a nice Southside Mummy's Boy he isn't going to cheat on his wife or girlfriend!

iguana

babyinacorner90 wrote: »

Ok..
Its actually a known fact there are more women in the world then men resulting in the main woman and the other woman....*fact*

I'm not sure where you learned that 'fact' in but it's completely wrong. The world population is roughly 50.3% male, 49.7% female.

The general gist of the rest of your advice is fine, but you are basing it on misinformation.

HermitHorace

HaveTheTShirt woman is on the right track.

Whether or not this goes somewhere or not, you cannot keep going to way you're going, despite everything being so good - tell him you can't see him like this and cut the contact.

If he wants you as much as he says then he will sort his situation out and return. Otherwise you'll know to move on.

LegacyUser

Tell his girlfriend! I know other people might not agree, but I am in a LD relationship and, although I trust my bf, it is possible that he could cheat and I would never know. I would rather know that commit yourself long term to a person who will cheat. I reckon while I would still be angry at the girl I'd feel she respected me a bit more to lay it out. You know he is seeing (at least) two people..she doesn't

SarahSassy

I would also, if I had the info, tell his gf....

SweetDreamer

similar story with me and my bf- but i was the one cheating. I felt crazy bout the other guy and cudnt stop cheating but could only break up with the boyfriend face-to-face, so had to wait until i got home and we broke up within a week. I hadn't seen my boyfriend in nearly 2months and almost felt single. I think you should just kinda monitor how he's getting on with his gf. Is he texting/ringing her a lot? If he is, he clearly still likes her and your wasting your time and only going to get hurt. If he's seen her at all and played along to her like everything is fine, ur also wasting your time. It's tricky because it's hard to say no to someone you really like but if he's just using you as "the girl to sleep with while the girlfriend is away", theres not going to be a happy ending! On the other-hand, if he really does like you and is just waiting to see his girlfriend in person to break up- then give him a chance. The lad i cheated my bf to get with is now my current boyfriend for over 6months and i love him to pieces.

magneticimpulse

i was making a point to this poster about the guy i met who was cheating on his girlfriend (when i said he was nicely spoken). and no, im from the northside and very well spoken (so no southside needed be mentioned). i however copped on that the guy i had met had a LD girlfriend in Germany (i was in France) and told her the truth after careful consideration about what to do. I also told the other girls he was involved with that he had a LD girlfriend. I was by no means falling for his charms. True nice guys dont have to "act" nice, you can tell genuine guys. I cant believe I recently met about 3 guys who play the "charm" on me and my parents, thinking im a fool who hasnt met a real nice guy in my life. you can spot them a mile away!!!

Wagon

Im in a long distance thing too. If my girlfriend was cheating id want to know.