Homesick

LegacyUser

I recently moved abroad in the last couple of weeks and I am feeling very homesick and really want to go home. My family keep saying give it a chance but I've always been a very homely person and am very close to my family. I'm quite young and still live at home and this is my first time away from that.

I feel like I made a mistake and feel like I'm going to be laughed at and thought of as a failure if I do arrive home so soon. I just can't see me settling in, I'm miserable here.

Skinfull

I moved abroad for the year in June. I came home in October. It was great over there, I loved the place but like you said I was a homely person and I missed being at home.

How long have you been over there? If you think you have given it enough time then fear not and go home. no one will laugh at you and they will all be really happy to see you. you tried it, it wasnt for you, move on and stop beating yourself up about it. dont be thinking you are a failure.

What helped me was making a list of all the things I wanted to do before flying back...then I listened to "future Skinfull" and wondered if she would regret if I went home having not ticked 100% of the boxes...she was homesick too so I came home. Havent regretted it for a second.

LegacyUser

Skinfull wrote: »

I moved abroad for the year in June. I came home in October. It was great over there, I loved the place but like you said I was a homely person and I missed being at home.

How long have you been over there? If you think you have given it enough time then fear not and go home. no one will laugh at you and they will all be really happy to see you. you tried it, it wasnt for you, move on and stop beating yourself up about it. dont be thinking you are a failure.

What helped me was making a list of all the things I wanted to do before flying back...then I listened to "future Skinfull" and wondered if she would regret if I went home having not ticked 100% of the boxes...she was homesick too so I came home. Havent regretted it for a second.

Am only over here two weeks but the way I'm looking at it is there's no point spending all my savings just to "try" it for a few months when I know I'm not going to enjoy it. Like it's great and I'll stay here another week or two at least.

I just know I'd hate to miss Christmas at home. That would really suck!

Overheal

I felt very much the same way when I moved to Ireland. I was always a homebody and still would consider myself a homebody (or at least a hermit) Must have called home 3 times a week. Then twice a week. By the 8th year I barely spoke to somebody at home on a bi-monthly basis.

Really though, the feeling will pass and youll get used to being so far away. You have to treat yourself to the adventure. Not always easy or comfortable, but youll definitely get stories to tell. Like that one Easter that went terribly awry for me, or that time up in galway when my friend's Gard friend prank-arrested me for smoking a bong (wouldnt calm down till he had a hit himself...f@#ker.) Or those people you meet and those places you see and those things that you learn. Honestly traveling and being far away from home - seeing the world from completely new and foreign angles - its the best thing that will ever happen to you.

To give you one last bit of perspective: next week will mark the first time I've had thanksgiving with my family in over 10 years. They didnt go anywhere while I was gone; I was just off and happy doing my own thing.

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

I felt very much the same way when I moved to Ireland. I was always a homebody and still would consider myself a homebody (or at least a hermit) Must have called home 3 times a week. Then twice a week. By the 8th year I barely spoke to somebody at home on a bi-monthly basis.

Really though, the feeling will pass and youll get used to being so far away. You have to treat yourself to the adventure. Not always easy or comfortable, but youll definitely get stories to tell. Like that one Easter that went terribly awry for me, or that time up in galway when my friend's Gard friend prank-arrested me for smoking a bong (wouldnt calm down till he had a hit himself...f@#ker.) Or those people you meet and those places you see and those things that you learn. Honestly traveling and being far away from home - seeing the world from completely new and foreign angles - its the best thing that will ever happen to you.

To give you one last bit of perspective: next week will mark the first time I've had thanksgiving with my family in over 10 years. They didnt go anywhere while I was gone; I was just off and happy doing my own thing.

I see where you're coming from when you say this but I'm not travelling. I'm just over here meant to be working. I am asking myself constantly why am I over here going to work a non-skilled job for minimum wage and be miserable when I could do the same at home?

cashback

I think the first few weeks can be the hardest sometimes. Maybe you've not made many friends yet or you're a little intimidated at being so far from home.

If you can at least it give it a few months, you won't feel like you may have missed out. If you haven't got Skype, try that and at least you could see people back home.

I have a friend who went to live abroad and came home after a few weeks, he does regret he didn't give it a little more time. If you're still not happy after two months then at least you tried it.

Skinfull

homesick wrote: »

I see where you're coming from when you say this but I'm not travelling. I'm just over here meant to be working. I am asking myself constantly why am I over here going to work a non-skilled job for minimum wage and be miserable when I could do the same at home?

Thats exactly the reason for me. it was the final straw as it were. But I really think you should give it a bit more time than a few weeks. The first week was horrendous for me then I had 3 amazing months...then the sickness kicked in big time.

I hear what Overheal is saying and its great that (s)he has made a home here but its not for everyone. Give it a few more weeks. Still 5 more till christmas and then see how you feel. no shame ini coming home.

Overheal

homesick wrote: »

I see where you're coming from when you say this but I'm not travelling. I'm just over here meant to be working. I am asking myself constantly why am I over here going to work a non-skilled job for minimum wage and be miserable when I could do the same at home?

Thats OK, I went over there to Live. And it wasnt my choice either :pac: Just because you dont think its the best outcome for you doesnt mean you cant turn it into one. Give it a fair chance. And yeah as for the job market youre lucky to get one Anywhere much less in a foreign country, with visa restrictions and the current eco-political climate. Its starting to level off, and we may see growth again next year but it'll be in recovery mode for the next 2 to 3 years before the job market really looks healthy again.

edit: she?!

Contessa Raven

Hi, OP.

I moved to London from Dublin in September. I am very close to my parents as I am an only child. It was agony the first few weeks because I missed my friends, my family, my house etc... After a month I started to feel fine about being here. I'd made friends and started to know my way around. Then I had to go home for a weekend for graduation from my old course. I really enjoyed being home and spending time with everyone. But then when my dad dropped me off at the airport to fly back-BANG! I didn't want to leave again. There were tears and hugs and then I came back to London. I moped around for a couple of days and then I said to myself "Why am I sad? I've just been home to spend time with the people I love and in the time I've been here they haven't gone anywhere. I am here to do something good for myself and to ensure my future."

My point is OP, that it's up to you, you alone, to turn this into a positive for yourself. If you just can't do that, well then you'd probably feel better at home. But IMO, 2 weeks away from home isn't enough time to adjust. It can take months to adjust. I'm still adjusting. And believe me, it does get easier. But you have to be willing to put your best foot forward.

I hope it works out for you OP! Only you know what's right for you in the end.

CR

Kevster

Where did you move to? I moved to York in the UK in August and I'm here for the long term I feel. When all had settled down and I realised that i was on my own, I had a panic attack one day and it felt as if I was suffocating (mentally). I rang my mother though and she calmed me down a bit. So, please just hang in there a bit more. If you're also in the UK, then maybe we could get to know each other better or something, online at first. If you think it'd help, then that's okay with me.

Don't ever feel that you're alone though. With the Internet, that's an impossibility.

Take care,
Kevin

anon41

Awh I felt the same, went abroad for a year and everyone was saying what a great experience it was but all I could think of was the mistake I made, partner found work and wanted to stay on..

I found work eventually, went home after 1 1/2 years last year and was so happy to be back..I just felt happy and content inside...this is kind of a bad post cos I'm not really giving you much advice!...:(

my partner was still abroad so with the recession and all Icouldnt find work, and went back to him and here I am now abroad again for the last few months,was sick when I came back first, call home a lot ...

I guess some get used to it and some dont, give it til xmas but no one will think badly of you for going home, they 'll just be happy to see you:o

LegacyUser

I moved far, far away to a developing country for two years. I'm here two-and-a-half months and have been suffering from some extreme homesickness for the last month. Such a switch from the first month and a half where everything was new and exciting. The sheen's worn off, I spend too much time on my own, I'm lonely, isolated, anxious, tired, feel like crying all the time, I can't do my work. Meeting other people helps, but in quiet times the feelings come back. Right now, I want to go home for Christmas and never come back. I feel that would be a cop out, though. I have hope, at least, that things will improve when I come back. But it's up to me to do that.

I'm quite depressed, but I've begun taking anti-depressants.

All these feelings are natural where you literally feel like mourning for your old life. I think succeeding in your new life depends on how you respond to the experience - interesting work and/or social life helps. If you remind yourself to look at the positives, the big picture, that can help. I'm sure you can do it, but you're not trapped if you ever want to head home.

anon41

yeah I can see that, I felt like I was grieving for the life I had. I try and do a few more activities (alone though), the days seem very long at times..

one day last year, I was in someones house and literally felt like the walls were closing in on me, I took some anti anxiety medication for a while after that. I know if I go home I'll be on the dole, with little chance of getting back into work in my area.. Its a catch 22.