I'm not so special

LegacyUser

hi all

i have always thought I was a good looking woman but now Im not so sure. I put my pic in a website last night to be rated and i got a 4.8!!! The guy that gave it to me was an oily slicked back, chippendale kind of guy. Id have given him a 0. I have taken my pic down straight away. I must be not as good looking as I thought I was. I know ive always obsessed about my looks and it was unhealthy. Maybe this is the kick I need - Im not that special at all. Am I over reacting???

Victor

Realise that the average between 0 and 10 is 5, your picture got almost exactly that.

"Average, the new fail level".

Overheal

Because nobody is vain on the internet...

Honestly I doubt it reflects anything.

krudler

sadandupset wrote: »

hi all

i have always thought I was a good looking woman but now Im not so sure. I put my pic in a website last night to be rated and i got a 4.8!!! The guy that gave it to me was an oily slicked back, chippendale kind of guy. Id have given him a 0. I have taken my pic down straight away. I must be not as good looking as I thought I was. I know ive always obsessed about my looks and it was unhealthy. Maybe this is the kick I need - Im not that special at all. Am I over reacting???

Havent you just answered your own question? attractiveness is relative, to some women he could be sex on legs but not to you, and vice versa

minidazzler

sadandupset wrote: »

hi all

i have always thought I was a good looking woman but now Im not so sure. I put my pic in a website last night to be rated and i got a 4.8!!! The guy that gave it to me was an oily slicked back, chippendale kind of guy. Id have given him a 0. I have taken my pic down straight away. I must be not as good looking as I thought I was. I know ive always obsessed about my looks and it was unhealthy. Maybe this is the kick I need - Im not that special at all. Am I over reacting???

In fairness, no matter what site you were using it's bull****.

You could be an absolute stunner and still get the same score. Besides you are supposed to leave it up long enough to accrue a few scores!!

Maybe ONE guy didn't fancy you, is that such a bad thing? He doesn't speak for the rest of us!

LegacyUser

minidazzler wrote: »

In fairness, no matter what site you were using it's bull****.

You could be an absolute stunner and still get the same score. Besides you are supposed to leave it up long enough to accrue a few scores!!

Maybe ONE guy didn't fancy you, is that such a bad thing? He doesn't speak for the rest of us!

i just took it down straight away as i was shocked i got such a low score. Kick in the guts

Victor

Folks, lets be careful not to get into a detailed discussion of such sites. Or my scoring method. And just try to help the OP.

op here wrote: »

i just took it down straight away as i was shocked i got such a low score. Kick in the guts

So, for research purposes, I just had a look at hotornot and went through about 30 pictures. All of the high scoring pictures were well shot pictures with a person posing in a presentable outfit, smiling and looking at the camera. Showing flesh seemed to be popular with the punters.

The photos with poor scores were out of focus, badly framed of people who weren't exactly putting their best foot forward.

Compare these two photos.

Photo 1. One is small, with poor contrast and mostly shows a house, but at least she is facing the camera. Her body shape may not mark he out as "hawt", but the photo isn't exactly allowing the viewer judge as to whether she might have a nice face or importantly is she smiling - and realise that it is judging, some of which can be very unfair. She seems to be comfortable with herself, but with that photo, she's not putting their best foot forward.

Photo 2. The photo is a reasonable size, face focused, but just a little over-exposed. We can't comment on body shape, but the photo isn't exactly allowing the viewer judge. She looks like she might be slim, but that could vary from almost anorexic to average. She may be wearing an awful lot of orange make-up, but the over-exposure makes it hard to tell. The teeth have had a fortune spent on them. There may be something weird going on with the hair at the top of the photo. Superficially, she'd get a good score, but there is this niggling feeling shes an umpa lumpa and may be high maintenance, but you can never tell from a photo only.

Now some scoring methods I've seen:

Method 1.

1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10-1-10

Method 2.

Is she alive? +1
Is she human? +1
Is she female? +1
Is she smiling? +1
Are major deformities absent? +1
Is she wearing less clothes? +1
etc.

My own method - is her demeanour pleasant?

LegacyUser

i think the second girl is good looking. The more I look at my pic - the more I feel im only average who wants to be average i am

Liam Byrne

sadandupset wrote: »

I put my pic in a website last night to be rated and i got a 4.8!!!

Can I ask WHY you felt compelled to let random strangers "rate" you ?

LegacyUser

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Can I ask WHY you felt compelled to let random strangers "rate" you ?

ah the feckers - ive just made up a fake account with a picture of trees and ive got a vote of 5! The stupid company or whatever gives you a random vote when you join. Jesus. So no one rated me at all. I know Liam - I am insecure. I can't help it i guess I am working on it and seeing a counsellor. I duno - looks have alwyas been important to me. wrong i know.

Zombienosh

because of one person? this is ridiculous imo, so if one person found me ugly, im ugly?

well one person thinks im amazing and wants to marry me.... does that mean everyone should?

LegacyUser

AlcoholicA wrote: »

because of one person? this is ridiculous imo, so if one person found me ugly, im ugly?

well one person thinks im amazing and wants to marry me.... does that mean everyone should?

i guess when you say it like that - my thoughts are ridiculous. i need to get a grip.

irishultra

maby u just need to get over it? good luck

Rebelheart

What does it matter what other people think? If you are seeking external approval you are going to - quite rightly - get a kick up the arse.

If you are over 20 you should be more comfortable in your skin than to be looking for outside endorsements. It's ferociously depressing to see a young woman torture herself out of youth and beauty and into ugliness with this sort of self overanalysis. 'The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven', as a poet once noted - which are you choosing?

You must have achieved something deeper, something real, in your life?

No matter how many aesthetically gorgeous women I've known, nothing is as beautiful or as much of a turn-on as self-confidence.

MmmmmCheese

Well if you are 'just' average then there's only one thing you can do and thats get over it.

Have you got two legs, eyesight, the ability to speak? Just be grateful for what for what you have and put things in perspective. Some people are not as lucky as you. Looks aren't everything.

LegacyUser

In reality, there is nothing more attractive than a strong confident woman, the old cliche of it comes from within is true, the more secure you feel in yourself the more you will attract like minded people, if you think insecure and shallow this will be the mindset you attract, when i watch the hills i get totally drawn in by it but i realize that there is a shallowness to their existance and they are defining themselves by their looks, it only leeds to unhappiness.

As a female myself i have found that the media has effected women from an early age, i feel we are programed to see our flaws from an early age, i have been working on my self esteem for a few years now and found out that you have to 'feel' good about yourself and put that vibration out there to have it come back to you,

This might sound mad but this is a self esteem test, go to the mirror and look in your eyes and say out loud your name and I love you I love you, how it feels in an indication of your level of self esteem level, if you feel it is uncomfortable and hard to do then you know you need to love yourself more, if you have a tendency to say negative things to yourself like god the state of me or im a wreak, then you have to stop that dialogue within yourself and change it to a positive inner voice,

I have done really well now in enhancing my self esteem with mirror work and affirmations, i also write out as much as i can... I love and approve of myself, eventually you start to out way the negative voice.

Lots of people think this is crap but it it really worked for me, and women need to empower themselves.

All the best.

I'm a 9.3 on hotornot and I'm shíte looking. Nevermind those sites, they're pointless. I joined for a laugh with another lad and girl a few years ago.

JonathanAnon

Why the hell would you post a picture of yourself on the Internet looking for gratification. People on the Internet are cruel, because they are anonymous and not accountable for their actions. If you cannot handle the responses then DONT POST on these types of websites.

I put a few postings up on youtube, playing guitar and singing, and you always get a few lads telling you that you're rubbish, you're an idiot, they're doing your sister (and I dont have any sisters) etc etc...

Why would you look for the answer to (what you consider to be) a serious question from a bunch of immature, irresponsible, anonymous kids???

Post your picture here, and I'll give an honest mature response ;-)

dudara

JohnathonAnon is correct - people are far crueler on the internet than they are in real life. It's easy to hide behind the facade of an avatar/username and hurl insults that you would never utter in real life.

TBH - you need to call yourself aside. To value yourself by your looks is an extremely unattractive trait - in the end looks fade, but character remains.

LegacyUser

If this was "hotornot", please don't take it to heart. When my friends and I were 11/12 we used to go through all of the photos and click "1" on all of them (sorry ). A click through the site will show that many people deliberately go on and screw up the results.

You'll also notice that all it takes is a bit of boob showing to get a 9.

Xluna

op again wrote: »

i think the second girl is good looking. The more I look at my pic - the more I feel im only average who wants to be average i am

I'm hope this does'nt sound callous but...most people are average,hence the term average. Try not to be so narcissistic. I know it's hard due to the pressure the media puts on people,especially girls, to look like a supermodel but at the end of the day that's what all these cosmetic companies want,for you to feel like crap and spend a fortune on their products. They thrive on peoples insecurities.

Firetrap

I agree with what the others have said. Basing your esteem on something that will inevitably fade with time is a poor way to be. Besides, your genes decide what sort of face you'll get, not something you've achieved in life. Sure, you can have nice hair, do your make-up well, stay in shape but you've got your parents and your ancestors to thank for the raw materials.

It's time you stopped being so obsessed with your looks and started working on other parts of your life. Like doing well in your career (if you are lucky enough to be working), learning new things, becoming an interesting person to chat to.

LegacyUser

i have just been given a 10 and yet i still wonder - am i average?? i know it shouldnt matter and i have read all the responses but how do i actually get it into my head - it doesnt matter what i look like? its on the inside that matters?????

minidazzler

op here wrote: »

i have just been given a 10 and yet i still wonder - am i average?? i know it shouldnt matter and i have read all the responses but how do i actually get it into my head - it doesnt matter what i look like? its on the inside that matters?????

That can take a LONG time because it's something you have to believe yourself.

Why do you think you are average???

Why not sit down and make a list of what you like about yourself.

Don't stand until you think of 10 things.

Average is all perogative.

Firetrap

For starters, you should take that photo down off the site. You have to want to stop worrying about what other people think of your stunning good looks. As long as that photo is up there, you're going nowhere.

Irishcrx

To be honest OP, looking through all of your posts it seems you have big self assurance issues, you shouldn't have to post pics of yourself on the internet to convince yourself you are good looking, most people know where they stand in terms of looks anyway.

If the site was Hot or not or one of them , some people just go on there and sabotage scores and most of the girls who get 10 are usually wearing little to nothing. I remember we put up pics on a while ago for a laugh and although some of the girls were very good looking scores didnt reflect it. High or low score who cares, what matters is having confidence in yourself, know your good looking and you have benefits and remember that not everybody is into you. Some girls I would talk to on a night out just wouldn't be interested at all, personality or looks it's just preference others would be very interested, people have differant tastes.

LegacyUser

well im trying to make steps towards not been so obsessed with my looks. Ive dyed me hair back to my natural red ( although its abit fake looking!) the blond is gone. Im going to take down my photo. And TRY to stop worrying!!! Not sure what else I can do....

Firetrap

What on earth has dyeing your hair got to do with anything?

LegacyUser

Firetrap wrote: »

What on earth has dyeing your hair got to do with anything?

hard to explain but for me it just has.

Karen_*

Its only one persons opinion and you set yourself up for it OP. Pride comes before a fall as they say!

r3nu4l

Just to let you know, myself and my friends used hotornot and other sites before when bored and we basically did one of three things.

1. Gave the hottest girls a 1 or a 2 out of 10
2. Gave the really-not-very-hot-at-all girls 9 or 10 out of 10.
3. Just clicked randomly on a number to get to the next pic...

So, never, ever believe the scores you get on those sites. There will always be very accurate scores (to my eyes) but there will always be scores that are way off the limit. We used to vote the 'hot girls who obviously were trying for high scores' with very low scores...

Cinnomen

what? lol gosh hun im sure you are beautiful, dont listen to one darn persons opinion 0_0 everyone is beautiful in their own way, steer clear of those silly sites they have no clue what their on about!

LegacyUser

IVE REMOVED MY PCITURE. ive been looking through other pictures and comments on the site and god, the people on it are so vain! Alot of them on it are nothing special looking and yet I can bet they go around acting like pains because they are 'great' online, NOT THE REAL WORLD! Its so pretentious. At the end of the day its just how we look - what god gave us, doesnt make us any better then the person next door. Thanks all for replies.

Oryx

op again wrote: »

IVE REMOVED MY PCITURE. ive been looking through other pictures and comments on the site and god, the people on it are so vain! Alot of them on it are nothing special looking and yet I can bet they go around acting like pains because they are 'great' online, NOT THE REAL WORLD! Its so pretentious. At the end of the day its just how we look - what god gave us, doesnt make us any better then the person next door. Thanks all for replies.

In your first post, you came across as seeking reassurance that your vanity was justified. So what you were doing was NOT THE REAL WORLD! You give out about people judging you below how you see yourself, and then you equally judge everyone you see on those sites, including the greasy slicked back chippendale.... Katie Price might take a good photo now and again, but weve all seen shes as messed up and in trouble as the rest of us. Looks can often mask the ugliest of traits, and while they may be superficially helpful, you shouldnt depend on them, or think they are all that you consist of.

You say youre getting counselling for your insecurity and obsession with your looks. And yet you do something daft like this which only reinforces those insecurities. Its like an alcoholic getting a drink to see if he is still addicted. You know its not good for you, and makes your self image warped, as its based on whatever rating you happened to get today. If its 9 yippee, a good day, if its a 1, what, do you go back to bed in a sulk?

We all have days when we feel beautiful, and days when that same face looks to us like the back of a bus. It has nothing to do with our actual looks but with how confident we are and how well life is going.

Blisterman

I know identical twins who each put pictures up on hot or not. One got an average of 9.3, the other 6.4.

This was after 5 years, so that site varies wildly.