Fed up of Friend

scarymoon1

I have a friend who is bugging me lately and to be honost I dont think she will be my friend for much longer. Basically she has no other girlfriends to go out with ( she always finds some guy to tag onto ) well last few times we arranged to go out for few drinks - every time she cancelled. No money, sick, postpone etc. Yet if some ex asks her out or some new guy she met recently she will go. I know her with years. Im really beginning to feel like I cant be bothered with her anymore. She has asked to postpone drinks again but now ive made an excuse to say i cant go. I just dont feel like being her friend anymore. Im going to go out this weekend with other girls and let her on her own ( which maybe she wants!!! ) should I just let her on her own and not bother??

XarcherX

it's a tricky one. On one hand if she's your friend for years & she's there when it counts i wouldn't be throwing it away just cos she cancels on nights out, some people are just flaky by nature (slightly like that myself :-P)... however if you feel she's just using you when there's no man around to occupy her then that's another story..
Next time you make arrangements make sure there are other people included so your not left sitting there when she cancels at the last minute.

JonathanAnon

Sounds like she is a user. If you think that there is a serious chance that she will let you down with some disingenuous excuse, then dont make plans with her. If she asks you why you wont go out with her any more, simply say "every time we make plans, you let me down".

She's only using you to have as company in case something better doesnt come along. I have a "friend" like that. Just dont put yourself in the situation where she can let you down.

scarymoon1

I guess - the recent thing with her is she met some guy and he was like - when are your friends coming out??? If I didnt go she'd have no other girlfriends to go out with her and then the guy might think - where are your friends! . So this weekend we were meant to be meeting up. But then the guy couldnt make it and I said - Do you not want to go out anyways??? She said ok.Then texts later to say she is still feeling sick and can we postpone. ( she wasnt too sick when the guy wanted to go out ). Im just beginning to feel like I can't be bothered with a friend that thinks a guy she met a couple weeks ago is more important then years of frienship.

thebiggestjim

Why not distance yourself somewhat, i.e. don't be available sometimes when she wants to go out, but do go out with her. Let her make an effort to organise nights out. No need to cut her off completely.

JonathanAnon

Yeah, sounds familiar. I would just go with what I said earlier, just dont agree to meet her, as she will inevitably let you down. Or try and make sure that if you are meeting her that there are a few of you going out, so that she cant ruin the whole thing on you by canceling.

scarymoon1

JonathanAnon wrote: »

Yeah, sounds familiar. I would just go with what I said earlier, just dont agree to meet her, as she will inevitably let you down. Or try and make sure that if you are meeting her that there are a few of you going out, so that she cant ruin the whole thing on you by canceling.

yeah ive told her i can't make next week. Oh well - I guess her new guy will have to wonder why she has no friends!!

Faith

Is this the same friend that all the guys like when you go out?

spurious

There aren't too many of us can afford to throw away old friends.

laura l

don't burn any bridges.
arrange nights out with other friends and invite her along, if she goes, great, if she cancels, then you still get to go out with your other friends and have a good night.

laura l

scarymoon1 wrote: »

she met some guy and he was like - when are your friends coming out??? If I didnt go she'd have no other girlfriends to go out with her and then the guy might think - where are your friends!

why is this your problem? Does she not have other friends?

How Soon Is Now

Long time friend or not u should not have to take crap off someone whos meant to be a good mate.

I mean i have mates i have known for years ya we cancel things at times and say ah i dont really wanna go there or do that but we always sort something and we would never drop anyone of the group for a women or for anyone else.

I remember only couple weeks ago me best mate was asked to a party that rest us kinda were not invited to *Till the very last minute*

I told him out straight just go man its cool i dont care im headin home sure which i was anyway he felt bad bout leaving us out but we made sure it was all good. Things like this what proper mates do so my best advice is if you two are both proper friends talk to her straight about this and ask her why she does it. If she gets all pissed off and it ruins things it was not worth it in first place if your a real mate to someone you s can talk bout anything.

ash23

thebiggestjim wrote: »

Why not distance yourself somewhat, i.e. don't be available sometimes when she wants to go out, but do go out with her. Let her make an effort to organise nights out. No need to cut her off completely.

Totally agree.
I had a friend like this. I was the best in the world except then she got a boyfriend and was "busy" all the time :rolleyes:

She let me down very badly in one instance and it was the 3rd week in a row she had done something like that. so I distanced myself, stopped calling over so much, went out with other friends. I still spoke to her, texted occasionally but nowhere near as much as I had been. If I was going out with friends I asked her along but I never made arrangements with her if you know what I mean? Just a case of "if you're around we'll be here at 10pm" sort of thing.

This went on from summer until a couple of weekends ago. New fella went off the scene a month or two ago and suddenly I get an invite to go out. I went along, wasn't doing anything anyway, and she gets me in a corner and goes on about how much she misses our friendship and how sorry she is for the way she behaved etc.
I don't hold grudges so I told her it was fine.

I don't think our friendship will ever be the same as it was. I'll never rely on her the way I did and will always keep some distance.

But no point in falling out over things.

scarymoon1

Faith wrote: »

Is this the same friend that all the guys like when you go out?

yeah thats her. The thing is I get on good with her and I have more of a laugh with her than my other friends. I think maybe Im just bored lately and picking up on stupid things. Thanks anyways for all the advice everyone.