Depressed about stuff

LegacyUser

Long time reader, first time poster. This might be a stupid thread, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

To be honest I'm kind of depressed, I've got issues to begin with but these aren't the ones that are getting me down at the moment. I finished my degree there in May (I'm 20 going on 21) and got a 1st from a really good university in Dublin, now doing a masters in a 'highly respected, prestigious institution' in Dublin, doing alright the work is okay, tough enough.

My biggest problem is that I can't get with any birds, I feel like shit from it the whole time. It's like when I do fancy a bird, and I'm fairly polite, courteous etc... like I would never be dick to anyone especially women cos it's ungentlemanly, but I can't seem to get passed this whole 'mangina-friends' thing, it's really depressing, yeh I'm somebody to talk to but that just seems to be it.

I'm not after sex or any of that, that's not everything, I would like something more and not be left feeling alone all the time.

I'm feel that I look like shit, feel like shit, that I'm generally somebody that's just worthless. It feel like I'd nearly have to be rebuilt like the bionic man or something for any bird to like me. It's fecking awful then when there's total dicks of fellas who seem to go out with loads of birds and then end up with girl friends.

I don't know, I'm just sick of feeling like crap because women think I'm unattractive, I went through an entire arts degree without ever going out with any birds or even meeting birds on a night out (three years and nothing!).

I might sound immature but I'm sick and tired of feeling like a eunuch all the time and all women seeing me as some weirdo or 'go-to-guy for shite talk' or whatever.

dudara

OP - I've added some paragraphs so as to help readers with your post.

You need to stop calling women 'birds'. This kind of attitude, even if you think it's internal, will come across when talking to women, and is an immediate turn off.

Yeah, I agree about the 'bird' thing. Massive turnoff for me if I hear a guy using it (except in jest) and as dudara said, that attitude will come across when you talk to women. You seem to see women like another species, like some sort of trophy or prize. I personally have no time for being treated like an object and a surprising amount of men do it, most without realising they're doing it. I can't believe you can't get a girlfriend because you're not good looking (if that's even true), I know some really rotten looking guys, by their own admission, with girlfriends, because they know how to treat women. Girls aren't generally shallow, I for one put a lot of stuff ahead of looks - intelligence, sense of humour, common interests. If I get along great with someone, that's what matters to me. I met all my boyfriends in a 'normal' setting and got to know them as friends first, I've never been with anyone in those cattle market nightclubs, don't see the point in em tbh, if you're looking for something meaningful.

WesternNight

Indeed, case in point http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055738208

Overheal

dudara wrote: »

OP - I've added some paragraphs so as to help readers with your post.

You need to stop calling women 'birds'. This kind of attitude, even if you think it's internal, will come across when talking to women, and is an immediate turn off.

Thats about all I was going to say.

Youre evidently a highly educated man of stature - and yet youre calling women "Birds".

That may sound like overly simplistic advice but then again it may just be evident that - I dont want to say youre objectifying women - but you're definitely not giving them the credit they are due.

ElaElaElano

If you're worried about or afraid of being alone, that may well cause potential relationship problems because as soon as you meet a girl who fancies going out for a drink, you might think that's it, she's the one, when in fact she just wants a drink and a bit of fun.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it's the nature of life, and the more desperate you become the harder it can get. Be patient, bide your time and until 'the one' turns up (could be tomorrow, could be in five years) make the most of what you do have.

RossFixxxed

If you feel unattractive and it is annoying you chatting to 'birds' is not gonna go well. You need to get on with yourself and things will follow. And also what everyone else said above +1

thefeatheredcat

Putting all the 'birds' stuff aside for a minute....

People of a depressive nature or who have low self esteem/no confidence will project how they see themselves onto others while engaging them.

Being around someone negative, depressive etc is not what anyone wants and although you may not be expressing yourself consciously in that way, it is expressed subconsciously through behaviour and non verbal communication.

Clearly from your post you have a negative perception of yourself and this needs to change.

Sort out yourself and get out of the depressive state with professional help and make steps to grow your confidence. When more confident and self assured you'll be happier and you'll attract positive things in your life.

RossFixxxed

Actually to be fair, males, especially younger onces CAN express depression etc through aggression and anger rather than the 'normal' symptoms. Projecting frustrations onto your boss, or women, or men, or whatever is probably part of this too.

LegacyUser

First off, you'll have to excuse my use of the term 'birds', it's not meant to be pejorative or demeaning of women in anyway, and I want ye to understand that first and foremost (I just have an awful vocabulary and an over-dependence upon colloquialisms).

Secondly, I'm just feeling like shit all of the time now, it's got to the point where I was out the other night with a few friends in a night club and three of us (myself another lad and a girl I kind of fancied) were talking and the other two were discussing their "relationship experiences" (let's just say they've been around the block... a few dozen times, in some rather "interesting encounters") and all of that carry on, eventually under the weight of this and thinking about personal **** that I've gone through I just broke down and wept... right in front of them, I was absolutely disgusted by myself. The girl comforted me (we've similar personal backgrounds) but I still feel awful. I think I build up the ones that I like to be something they are not or something that's perfect and then I can't take it when it goes pear shape.

I'm getting really down in myself at the moment, I can't even look at myself in the mirror, I feel like a useless sack of crap.

I feel that women just don't see me at all, I feel invisible (and I'm quite visible!) or the ones that do, see me only as 'just a friend'. I know that there are people out there with way worse problems and this might seem trivial but even typing this I feel unbelievably weak.