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the ascent of mortality

  • 18-11-2009 7:49pm
    #1
    ddef
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 426 ✭✭


    Man has but a short time to live. When one thinks of the birth of mountains or the creation of oceans, we can only look on in astonishment at the uniqness of this plant, the power of this word and it's indestructable immortalilty.
    Romans have crossed it, empires have conquered it. Yet us. Us in the age of oil we have destroyed it. Our home. This earth we live on.
    Romans killed for land and glory. We murder for a liquid. Our greatest tool, like the cavemen, is too, a raw material. Upon ascent of the drill, it brings with it a black substance, filled with the devils intent.
    This has washed away our mountains, flooded our sea, and has created a gap between two worlds living on the same planet. The same home. These features of the landscape created by earth, our mother, have been robbed from her and broken her.
    The ones who have betrayed her are the same people who need her. While the Romans attacked, the people reacted. While the oil flows and our homeis washed away, we can only wait.


Comments

  • #2
    Grievous
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 218 ✭✭Grievous


    ddef wrote: »
    Man has but a short time to live. When one thinks of the birth of mountains or the creation of oceans, we can only look on in astonishment at the uniqness(Uniqueness) of this plant, the power of this word(world) and it's indestructable immortalilty.
    Romans have crossed it, empires have conquered it. Yet us. Us in the age of oil we have destroyed it. Our home. This earth we live on.
    Romans killed for land and glory. We murder for a liquid. Our greatest tool, like the cavemen, is too(To), a raw material. Upon ascent of the drill, it brings with it a black substance, filled with the devils intent.
    This has washed away our mountains, flooded our sea, and has created a gap between two worlds living on the same planet. The same home. These features of the landscape created by earth, our mother, have been robbed from her and broken her.
    The ones who have betrayed her are the same people who need her. While the Romans attacked, the people reacted. While the oil flows and our homeis (homes are)washed away, we can only wait.

    Heh.

    I am not sure if this is supposed to be a poem or a piece of a story? Can you clarify? I am not been snarky by the by.:)

    I noticed a few spelling mistakes. I put them in bold. I am no punctuation expert. But some of the sentences felt off to me.

    I like the topic and theme of your piece. Sure, We don't need you or me to tell the world and it's people where their priorities lie. It's still a very relevent subject and plenty of potential in this piece.

    Anyone else?


  • #3
    ddef
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 426 ✭✭ddef


    hi and thanks for the reply.
    Just on the spelling mistakes, I'm using my iPhone and this touch pad can be a right pain.
    On if it is a story or poem, I must admit I did not structure it correctly. It was more of an idea I decided to lash out on the Internet. A discussion more than anything.
    Thanks for reading by the way. I will try structure it into a certain format tomorrow and post it up.
    Cheers again,
    Ddef


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