Looking for a relationship, time to grow up.

LegacyUser

Hi, I was on here a few months ago, my original thread has disappeared.

Basically, I had one problem, I am not in a relationship.

I am 26 now, male, Good job, always been told i am good looking.

I can go out and score a girl, I have done several times since i posted the last time.

The main advice i was given was to wait, eventually ill find her.

I have been single and enjoying myself for two years.

I think its time for something new. Just dont know how to get it.

I want to grow up, I have had enough of the single life.

MIN2511

I don't understand what your problem is? Surely, you go out regularly and socialise? If you see a girl you like, approach her, chat with her.... Suss out if you want to go on a date with her, if you do-ask her and if you don't onto the next victim(girl)

ash23

I sort of see where you'r coming from.
I've been single for 18 months, plenty of hook ups but no relationships. Keep hearing that someday I'll just meet some lovely bloke but eh, where?????

I think I'm approaching it all wrong. I'm going to pubs and clubs which is great for scoring but not for starting anything more worthwhile. But as a single parent in a female dominant workplace (all the men are married), it's the only place I know to go. It's where my friends go.

I've tried internet dating and it was a disaster!

So I'm stumped......but I'll be keeping an eye on this for some ideas.
My resolution last year was to accept every offer and I've more or less done that but it still revolves around pubs and drinking.....

Peggypeg

Hey Hey, I have an idea, ask Ash23 out!!! She could be the one!!! You guys could have a mad worldwind romance and fall madly in love and be stupidly happy for the rest of your lives!!! That would be so romantic!!

LegacyUser

The problem is, either me or the girl i meet in clubs loses interest. I dont want to settle for just anyone. I agree completely with Ash, how are you supposed to get to know someone if you can only meet people in Pubs and Clubs. Getting a bit sick of Clubs.

I dont know, just want a change. I am happy with everything else in my life. Just want to share it with someone now. I dunno how this is coming off.

I really dont even know what i expect from this thread. Just wondering are there other people out there having the same problem.

Eve_Dublin

Its Time wrote: »

The problem is, either me or the girl i meet in clubs loses interest. I dont want to settle for just anyone. I agree completely with Ash, how are you supposed to get to know someone if you can only meet people in Pubs and Clubs. Getting a bit sick of Clubs.

I dont know, just want a change. I am happy with everything else in my life. Just want to share it with someone now. I dunno how this is coming off.

I really dont even know what i expect from this thread. Just wondering are there other people out there having the same problem.

I don´t know....this whole "you´ll never meet the love of your life in a pub" malarky doesn´t cut it with me. I´m thinking back at all my relationships right now...and I think I met them all in pubs. Thinking...thinking...yep, all in pubs. OKay, they were evidently a failure....but most relationships are and had a good year or 3 with each and who knows, one of them could have been the one, that´s just the risk you have to take. It depends on the kinds of pubs you go to. OP, you need to pick and choose where you go more carefully. Certain pubs attract kinds of people. Personally, Í would completely avoid bars like the Q Bar cos I´m not going to meet the anyone I have in common with there and I´m not sure anyone goes there to find the love of their lives. It´s the quieter bars where you can actually strike up a conversation with someone and have a chat without shouting. Do you live in Dublin? Ever hear of Grogans? That pub is full of hot, friendly, clever males and females of all nationalities...or at least they´re my cup of tea. There´s more pubs of that ilk in Dublin and even more in other cities around the country (you should move to Cork if you don´t live there already).

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

. I'm going to pubs and clubs which is great for scoring .

what does scoring mean?

dentalnurse

Its Time wrote: »

Hi, I was on here a few months ago, my original thread has disappeared.

Basically, I had one problem, I am not in a relationship.

I am 26 now, male, Good job, always been told i am good looking.

I can go out and score a girl, I have done several times since i posted the last time.

The main advice i was given was to wait, eventually ill find her.

I have been single and enjoying myself for two years.

I think its time for something new. Just dont know how to get it.

I want to grow up, I have had enough of the single life.

I know exactly where your coming from, im feeling the same way lately.
I can get men, just not they type id like to settle with and after 2years being single i want the meals, cinema, trips etc.
I dont know where to start. Am i being too pickey or what?? Im just not meeting the right one ?? People tell me iv a barrier, maybe you have too and you dont realise it?? wow there is so much i want to say..... cant wait to read more replies:D

dentalnurse

an post wrote: »

what does scoring mean?

lol scoring is hooking up aka "getting with a woman"

LegacyUser

Its Time wrote: »

The problem is, either me or the girl i meet in clubs loses interest. I dont want to settle for just anyone. I agree completely with Ash, how are you supposed to get to know someone if you can only meet people in Pubs and Clubs. Getting a bit sick of Clubs.

I dont know, just want a change. I am happy with everything else in my life. Just want to share it with someone now. I dunno how this is coming off.

I really dont even know what i expect from this thread. Just wondering are there other people out there having the same problem.

Me OP. I have the same problem. I'm a 29 yr old female and know exactly where you are coming from. One part of me has become so accustomed to telling people how happy I am single and the other part craves to be with someone that I am in love with. And not just any person either. I am a secret romantic at heart and want to experience true love. I spend so much time imagining what it will be like when I meet this guy (I imagine very exaggerated scenarios!) to the point that some people tell me I am building my expectations up too much, that in real life noone will live up to my expectations and it's resulting in me being very fussy.

I don't know really. I get impatient about it soemtimes and sometimes I just accept it and tell myself to get over it. Sorry to anyone who is a girlfriend reading this, but I live in hope that there is a wonderful guy out there who builds up the courage to leave his unhappy relationship and then comes and finds me and we live happily ever after (I did say I daydream)

Next time you are in a pub, and you see an old man drinking on his own, just think to yourself 'well I am only 26 and have my whole life ahead of me, who does that poor man have??' Puts things into perspective for me anyway

LegacyUser

dentalnurse wrote: »

lol scoring is hooking up aka "getting with a woman"

you mean sex a one night stand?

dentalnurse

well in my opinion scoring is a one night stand

LegacyUser

Ha,

You are not alone - a 30yr old male here who feels the same. Mates all settled or abroad not making it easier either. I don't mind pubs etc but it's boring going to them single and with the expectation of perhaps finding someone who you might have a connection with or rapport, so I gave up on that idea a long time ago. Clubs? - forget it - boring as fck and full of kids, gigs always, I even go to the odd one by myself (would be nice to have a female for a few giggles and someone to mind the seats while I'm in the gents tho

I also crave the depth that goes along with a relationship, one-night stands might be interesting to a 'tweenager' but pour moi the boredom kicked in years ago. So, that's my tale, I'm also interested to see what suggestions people have - haven't tried web-dating yet, might at some stage tho

Thoughts?

LegacyUser

Dentalnurse

I was not sure if by scoring/hooking up he meant a one night stand/sex or just chatting up getting number. It seems to be a phrase with different meanings, some say it when they just spend an evening talking to someone/get a number or a future date

If yours is the definition then they are welcome to it

MIN2511

Scoring = kissing
Scoring = One night stand

It all depends on your group of friends...


Right; i believe there are loads of people(myself included) in this situation.
Unfortunately there aren't many non alcoholic activities in Dublin and we are notoriously known for our drinking habit

That said, you could meet anyone anywhere... I've found that we expect the "perfect/ideal" partner but in reality no one is perfect.

LegacyUser

Im with you on this OP. I'm male 27 and a single parent, it seems like theres so many people out there in the same position as me that would love to just find that person settle down and be happy, but how do we find each other!? Someone else here mentioned pubs and clubs are great for scoring, but the chances of finding the person your going to grow old with there arent great! Ive looked at a few of those 'dating' websites but it just seems so wrong and a little bit seedy to me, I wouldnt at all feel comfortable meeting someone on one of those and imagine telling people you met on the internet

ash23

By scoring I meant kissing or one night stands.

I've gotta say, I've had great fun in the last 18 months, met a lot of guys just none i could forge lasting relationships with (probably my own fault). I've made loads of new friends and have a pretty good life at the mo.

But I am bored of going out "on the pull". I'd like to meet someone, properly, not just a crash and burn kind of thing.

LegacyUser

Just to clarify the scoring thing. Doesnt mean I always sleep with the woman. To me anyway.

Thanks for all the replies, Its good to know i am not the only person feeling this way. I always wanted to settle down and get married, raise a family etc at 30. But I wanted to get to know my future wife well before that, live together for a while. I have 4 years till then.

If I was to be honest, for some reason I always hold back from the ladies I am most attracted to in a night club/pub. Self preservation or something. I kinda go for someone I think is going to be interested in me. (rejection is a horrible thing) Does that make sense. Id love to be with someone and feel like I am the luckiest man in the world, and I would obviously want her to feel the same about me.

thefeatheredcat

If you really want to change, then take the courage to do just that.

You're looking for something meaningful, so start going to meaningful places. You won't find it in a club where people are off their faces, or inebriated at last orders in the pub. Do you really think you'll find Ms Right there?

Do things that have meaning for you. Brake out of your boundaries. Enjoy yourself. Stop wanting and start doing.

Relax and don't worry - take a positive look and know what you're looking for in a relationship. Don't bother with those looking for a quickie/sex buddies/fling, they will just put you off track from what you really want.

Keep a positive frame of mind and when you're onto a good thing, don't give up.

ash23

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

You're looking for something meaningful, so start going to meaningful places. You won't find it in a club where people are off their faces, or inebriated at last orders in the pub. Do you really think you'll find Ms Right there?

Examples???

thefeatheredcat

In doing meaningful things like doin things you are passionate about and have a real interest in.

There's plenty of arts festivals, film festivals, gallery events, art exhibitions, comedy festivals that will always offer the opportunity to meet new people. Even other things like museums, book launches, charity events/days.

Getting involved in the community, volunteer work, post office all provide chances to meet new people. Dole office if you're in there signing on.

Even just hang around somewhere and you'll find plenty of people who are lonely and want a chat.

Leisure activities like adventure and water sports, other sporting activities. Art/pottery/dance/photography ie own interests. Also friends of friends.

LegacyUser

If I was to be honest, for some reason I always hold back from the women I am most attracted to. Self preservation or something. I kinda go for someone I think is going to be interested in me. (rejection is a horrible thing) Does that make sense. Id love to be with someone and feel like I am the luckiest man in the world, and I would obviously want her to feel the same about me.

This is my problem. Has anyone any advice on how to get passed this problem?

MIN2511

It seems to me that you are scared of loving/trusting someone completely; you are scared and think “what if it works”? Does that mean she’d see all my bad/embarrassing traits....
To be honest; majority of us feel this way. We wonder if we let go we may end up heartbroken which could be devastating.
Since you last posted, have you met any girl? Is there any girl you like and maybe want to take things further?

LegacyUser

MIN2511 wrote: »

It seems to me that you are scared of loving/trusting someone completely; you are scared and think “what if it works”? Does that mean she’d see all my bad/embarrassing traits....
To be honest; majority of us feel this way. We wonder if we let go we may end up heartbroken which could be devastating.
Since you last posted, have you met any girl? Is there any girl you like and maybe want to take things further?

I went out two nights since i last posted and i was with two different people. Didnt sleep with either. Exchanged numbers etc. Neither of which i can see any future with to be honest about it.

There is for the first time ever no Girl i long to be with, no crush etc

That would be something. I just feel i couldnt be further from finding someone to see my bad embarrassing traits.