Jokes.

Par71

New Rules of Golf for Seniors 55+
> Rule 1.a.5
> A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on
> the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into
> the rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall
> grass which ground keepers failed to mow.
>
> Rule 2.d.6 (b)
> A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This
> is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The
> senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled
> if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.
>
> Rule 3.b..3(g)
> There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or
> near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone
> else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the
> felony by charging himself or herself with a penalty.
>
> Rule 4.c.7(h)
> If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have
> dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.
>
> Rule 5.
> Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in,
> may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches
> from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.
>
> Rule 6.a.9(k)
> There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny-pinching
> golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The
> senior golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.
>
> Rule 7.g.15(z)
> There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should
> float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers'
> shortcomings.
>
> Rule 8.k.9(s)
> Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing
> new golf equipment. Since this is financially impractical for many
> senior golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using
> old equipment.
>

Mister Sifter

Yes, always provides a good chuckle!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055556393&highlight=rules+golf

mag

I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing. I was on the second hole when I noticed a frog sitting next to the green. I thought nothing of it and was about to swing when I heard, "ribbit ... 9 iron."

I looked around and didn't see anyone. Again, I heard, "ribbit 9 iron." I looked at the frog and decided to prove the frog wrong, put the club away, and grabbed a 9 iron.

Boom! I hit it 10 inches from the cup. I was shocked. I said to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, "ribbit lucky frog." so I decided to take the frog with him me the next hole. "What do you think frog?" I asked. "ribbit 3 wood."

I took out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. I was befuddled and didn't know what to say. by the end of the day, i golfed the best game of golf in my life and asked the frog, "ok where to next?"

The frog replies, "ribbit las vegas".

We went to las vegas and said, "Ok frog, now what?" The frog says, "ribbit roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, I asked, "what do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "ribbit $3000, black 6."

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game I figured what the heck.

Boom! tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

I took my winnings and bought the best room in the hotel. I sat the frog down and said, "frog, I don't know how to repay you. you've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "ribbit kiss me." I figured why not, since after all the frog did for me, he deserves it. with a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous and well-developped 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God"

ShriekingSheet

Not a "joke", and Par72 may not forgive me for poking fun at female golfers But my mother was playing in a fourball one tuesday - society thing, very casual golfers, some as much out for a natter as much as the golf itself.

On the 16th tee, lively four-way conversation & banter was in progress as tee-shots were hit. Midway up the fairway, they set their carts beside their balls and were preparing to hit second shots when one of the ladies realised she had not actually played a tee-shot

billy3sheets

Lady golfer runs screaming into the pro-shop. "Ah, ah, I've been stung by a wasp!"
"Where?" asks the Pro.
"Between the 1st & 2nd hole" she replies
"I think your stance might be a bit wide..."

PhilipMarlowe

Don't think it was on here that I heard it but apparently it's true:
In a competition day, there is a prize for nearest the pin on a par 3...
A guy hits his shot in fairly close and puts down his name.
At the prize giving, a woman is called up as being the closest and collects the prize.
He speaks to her afterwards... "That was a good shot. What did you hit in?"
She says "A 5 iron and a 9 iron..."