Cutting ties with your ex

LegacyUser

I am posting this anonymously because i want objective opinions, so don't hold back.

Long story short i ended a very LTR and ended up with someone else a month later, that was 4 months ago. To avoid upsetting the ex I have refrained from updating my facebook profile or making it publicly obvious that I am with someone else. The new gf is pissed because of this and running out of patience. The ex is aware that I was with someone and is only aware of the relationship now. The expectation from the ex is that I will not be with someone else publicly for an undefined length of time, I am not sure what the protocol is there. The expectation from my new gf is that I will acknowledge her online and cut ties with my ex completely.

Any thoughts appreciated.

loveandlive

god how long was this LTR with the other girl??

Really like your gunna have to do it at some stage?

LegacyUser

just under 5 years.

i know what you mean, i am putting this off while i try to please everyone but i am pleasing nobody, least of all myself.

loveandlive

wow 5 years..

I know how that one feels.

I was with a guy for 5 years and like you need to be sensitive and all that kinda stuff for a while.. like 4 months.. thats a pretty short breakup after that long together ya know. are you like friends with your ex on facebook still and stuff.

I can see it from both sides.. you dont wanna hurt the ex and then you want to please your new bird....clearly. if your not friends on facebook with the ex wouldnt be easlier to put your profile on private and then its gravy??

you still friends with the ex like?

tough situation.. and dont think you are being silly at all you have a fair enough point

G-Money

If the situation was revered, would your ex do you the same courtesy? I know a girl who was going out with a guy (and living with him too) for at least 2 years and when they broke up she was seeing someone else within a month.

Where did she get this expectation about you not being with someone else publicly? And why does it matter?

I know it's probably not nice for your ex for her to know you are with someone else, but at the same time, you's aren't together anymore and as long as you aren't rubbing her face in it, I don't think you are doing much wrong. There's a point where you consider other peoples feelings but there's also a point where you can take it too far.

LegacyUser

Hi OP .I am in a similar situation, but in your ex girlfriends shoes so i'll give you my perspective...
Short background - me and ex boyf were together 5 years, split up two and a half months ago, mainly his decision but to be perfectly honest it wasn't working.
I was fairly gutted, due to the length of relationship, best friends etc etc. Then i found out he was with a girl after a couple of weeks that he works with, and they have been seeing each other. I didn't get upset, jealous, angry etc., i just felt a bit hurt that he didn't wait a bit longer out of respect for me. It just cemented for me the fact that we did the right thing breaking up.
I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but i imagine your ex girlfriend will get over it in time. Best thing is to be honest. Nothing worse than for her to hear it from Joe Soap on the street.
My two cents! Good luck with it!

ManOfMystery

The answer is quite simply really.

To avoid upsetting the ex ............. you're upsetting the new gf instead. That may not be your intention, but unfortunately that's the effect your choice is having.

So you'll have to decide which is more important to you.

Personally, whilst I'm all for sensitivity towards exes, the moment you split you are technically single and free to do what you want. She no longer has any say in your life, and cannot - under any terms - dictate to you how long you should remain single before meeting a new partner.

In any event, 4 months is an average enough length of time. The ex will simply have to deal with this.

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

To avoid upsetting the ex ............. you're upsetting the new gf instead. That may not be your intention, but unfortunately that's the effect your choice is having.

exactly. i've quoted this bit because it sums up the problem exactly.

thank you for the responses. i am asking a lot of people for advice on this, i know it's not right to just act on a concensus but most of what i am hearing just backs up what i am thinking myself

symbolwoman

Delete the ex's number, facebook, IM chat, email ... the works. Dust yourself off and realise that life is going on.

I am guessing that it was your decision to end the relationship? Seems that you might be a little bit further down the getting over it line than your ex. Why torture her by allowing her to check your facebook(you know she will do this:rolleyes:)... Block her. It will be for the best to give a clean end