my housemates...

LegacyUser

...i used to live with some really sound people, but as of late, they have started to piss me off and today they have really taken the biscuit.
dont get me wrong, they arent essentialy bad people. Its just...eh....

Im unemployed, so cash isnt in full supply. Im also round the place a lot more then i used to be.
all started last week. i had to go home to my parents house for personal reasons,mentioned it to one of them, didnt want to talk too much about it with my housemates, even though i would be quite close to them. one rang me and compleetly tore strips off me that i hadent told her i was going home and that she'd planned to do things with me (which included going shopping for food and cleaning the house, all very fun, once in a life time activities), which i now couldnt do and had ruined her weekend. then was rang at 6.30pm on friday and was asked did i want to go to a gig at 7.30. since home is about 2 hours from dublin and i was sitting in the do, i had to decline. got hung up on.

when i finaly did return on saturday, I explained a few of the reasons I had gone home to one of the other housemates. they were helpful and so i went out to visit another friend, didnt feel the need to ask anyone i lived with, as they didnt know them. when i came home from visiting my friend the next day, got about 100 questions from the one that rang me on friday about where i went, how much i drank, the cost of the drinks, where did i stay, how much did it cost and so on. none in a friendly way, all in a seriously disaproving way. even what i was wearing was questioned, "is that new? when did you get it? how much was it? thought you were unemployed?". I dont know if its a thing that she felt left out, or she cant cope without me, but she keeps getting upset when i do things without her. how do i get her to relax? it always seems like she has to have more drama then me.

so thats that one.

the other one is, well... ive been sick for 3 weeks. but he wont let me put on the heat in the house. im freezing and every time i put on the heat he makes me turn it off after 30 minutes, coz hes warm. he a very tidy person, i apriciate that, i try to be tidy, but as I have said ive been sick and things have just gone by the way side. the house is by no means messy. however, if leave somthing down he puts it away, on numerous occasions iv left a bag or a coat in the sitting room so as to take it the next day and i come down and its disappeared. I am never told where its been put. i am missing runners, cups, coats and lots of other things. its not being stolen, but "put away". somtimes even if i have a cup taken out of the press to use and step away from it for a minute, i come back and hes washing it up (its not even used). today, my medicine has gone missing. i am in a massive amount of pain. i text him and asked hime where he put it, he wont tell me. all i got back was "well that will serve you for not putting your stuff away". All i left was one pack of tablets on the coffee table, nothing else. i left them there on purpose as i was up early this morning and knew i culd get them there as i walked out the door. have havent taken them all day and cant find them. apparently he had to move "7" bags out of the sitting room the other day and he is fed up. i dont even own 7 bags!

im so ****ing fed up with this! especialy the fact that i am lying here in serious pain, freezing, i cant go home coz they will get thick, i cant buy more medicen in case i might offend one of them. i cant go to a friends house in case i might piss one of them off. i dont know what to do. help me.

pookie82

blab wrote: »

. i cant go home coz they will get thick, i cant buy more medicen in case i might offend one of them. i cant go to a friends house in case i might piss one of them off.

Are you for real? Why are you taking sh*t like this from people you owe nothing to? Go home to a warm house until you get better, turn off your phone, and face them again when you're well enough to collect your bags and tell them to fu*k off and mind their own business in future.

prinz

pookie82 wrote: »

Are you for real? Why are you taking sh*t like this from people you owe nothing to? Go home to a warm house until you get better, turn off your phone, and face them again when you're well enough to collect your bags and tell them to fu*k off and mind their own business in future.

Well it depends on the full story. OP are you contributing your fair share? You mention not being around for food shopping etc, is this usually done together? Do you pay your way now that cash is in short supply? I once lived with someone who always claimed to be short of money yet would be travelling, going to gigs, nights out boozing etc, would conveniently disappear when things like house shopping etc was to be done, yet would return and use the house food etc, not saying this is what you're doing but I could see someone getting wound up if that is what they think, money's tight for everyone, even those working tbh.

Satyr_The_Great

If i were you id get out of the house. There is no need for you to stand for this crap. Move home or something until you can get sorted again, You are obviously a better person than them and it shows in your post.
I know you said they are not essentially bad people but there is a bit of " stuck upness" about them and you dont need that.
Hope things work out for you.

Satyr_The_Great

prinz wrote: »

Well it depends on the full story. OP are you contributing your fair share? You mention not being around for food shopping etc, is this usually done together? Do you pay your way now that cash is in short supply? I once lived with someone who always claimed to be short of money yet would be travelling, going to gigs, nights out boozing etc, would conveniently disappear when things like house shopping etc was to be done, yet would return and use the house food etc, not saying this is what you're doing but I could see someone getting wound up if that is what they think, money's tight for everyone, even those working tbh.

he / she said they werent around for food shopping as they had to go home for PERSONAL reasons and it seemed like an emergencie so missign one shopping day for familly or personal reasons is fair.

prinz

Satyr_The_Great wrote: »

he / she said they werent around for food shopping as they had to go home for PERSONAL reasons and it seemed like an emergencie so missign one shopping day for familly or personal reasons is fair.

Of course, I am not saying it isn't. But the housemates reactions depend on what they think.. perhaps they didn't see it as an isolated incident/emergency.

Chinafoot

Satyr_The_Great wrote: »

he / she said they werent around for food shopping as they had to go home for PERSONAL reasons and it seemed like an emergencie so missign one shopping day for familly or personal reasons is fair.

True, but the OP didn't let the person she had made plans with know. Even when she came back she explained it to a different housemate. The avoidance of the housemate in question would suggest theres a bit more to this. Also, its common courtesey to cancel plans with the person involved directly. If I had made plans with someone and heard it wasn't happening from someone else, I wouldn't be too happy either.

Anyway, OP, are you paying your rent/bills/buying your own food, etc? Have you been late with any of these recently? Have you borrowed money from any housemates,particularly the one in question? If you are paying your way and not putting the hand out then what you spend your cash on is nobody's business. As another poster said, go home and get yourself well.

It might be worth taking a step back from the whole situation and trying to look objectively at things. You're unemplyed and you're not well. Both can be hugely stressful. You might possibly be overreacting to things or convincing yourself that your flatmates reaction is worse than it really was.

Have you tried actually talking to her? Even just to tell her that its none of her business where you go or what you spend your money on.

SueWho

OP you say they used to be sound and now (clearly from your post) they're not really acting very sound- expecting you to explain your every move, the money you spend, how much heat you use... are you certain that you are still contributing equally to the house? I'm not having a go at you but something must have changed.

And if you can honestly say you are still paying your way and not taking any of them or their stuff or food for granted then you need to sit down with them and ask them why their behaviour towards you has changed.

OR maybe they always acted like this but you just didn't notice because you were happier/ less stressed/ not sick and therefore better able to just brush off their sillyness- is that a possibility?

After you've spoken to them about this if they still aren't budging or apologising/ explaining anything then I would move home to the parents to a warm house where you're actually welcome.

Hope this helps.

Why do you leave your stuff in the living room? That's really annoying and it gets old really fast. There's no reason your runners, medicines, coats and whatever else should be left in there, do you not have a room to leave them in? If everyone did that, the place would be a mess. Your flatmate moving stuff and not telling you sounds weird and petty but maybe you've done it so much, he's had enough? One one hand you say you're tidy but on the other that loads of things have gone missing - why were they not kept in your room to start with? Leaving your coat so 'you can get it in the morning' is a stupid excuse, you can get it from your wardrobe like everyone else. I got really sick of sitting on couches with my flatmates' coats thrown over the back and tripping over her shoes and moving her stuff to the side of the table so I could eat. It's more annoying than you realise.

bakkiesbotha

blab wrote: »

i am lying here in serious pain, freezing, i cant go home coz they will get thick, i cant buy more medicen in case i might offend one of them. i cant go to a friends house in case i might piss one of them off. i dont know what to do. help me.

You poor thing. Just hang on in there and something will turn up.

*hugs*

dudara

OP, this story sounds so odd, that I'm wondering if there is more going on here than you're telling us about.

Can you maybe give us some more info - how long have you and the others been in the house? I know you said you're unemployed, but are you keeping up with payments (or have you fallen behind on any)?

Sorry to be intrusive, but this is one weird story.

Satyr_The_Great

Chinafoot wrote: »

True, but the OP didn't let the person she had made plans with know. Even when she came back she explained it to a different housemate. The avoidance of the housemate in question would suggest theres a bit more to this. Also, its common courtesey to cancel plans with the person involved directly. If I had made plans with someone and heard it wasn't happening from someone else, I wouldn't be too happy either.

Anyway, OP, are you paying your rent/bills/buying your own food, etc? Have you been late with any of these recently? Have you borrowed money from any housemates,particularly the one in question? If you are paying your way and not putting the hand out then what you spend your cash on is nobody's business. As another poster said, go home and get yourself well.

It might be worth taking a step back from the whole situation and trying to look objectively at things. You're unemplyed and you're not well. Both can be hugely stressful. You might possibly be overreacting to things or convincing yourself that your flatmates reaction is worse than it really was.

Have you tried actually talking to her? Even just to tell her that its none of her business where you go or what you spend your money on.

They are called familly or personal reasons for a reason....

Chinafoot

Satyr_The_Great wrote: »

They are called familly or personal reasons for a reason....

And its common courtesy to let people know if you need to cancel plans. She didn't need to go into detail. A simple text of 'need to cancel this weekend. I'll be heading home, family stuff.' would have sufficed. If she can take the time to let another housemate know then why not the one she had plans with?

This is all beside the point and i'm sure if the op responds to the questions posed to her we'll all have a better understanding of the situation. The above is simply an explanation for her housemate's reaction.

Blogger50

[quote=blab;6305751 one rang me and compleetly tore strips off me that i hadent told her i was going home and that she'd planned to do things with me

It seems to me that the OP wasn't aware that they had plans with their housemate.

Overheal

blab wrote: »

...i used to live with some really sound people, but as of late, they have started to piss me off and today they have really taken the biscuit.
dont get me wrong, they arent essentialy bad people. Its just...eh....

Im unemployed, so cash isnt in full supply. Im also round the place a lot more then i used to be.
all started last week. i had to go home to my parents house for personal reasons,your anonymous here, can you tell us? mentioned it to one of them, didnt want to talk too much about it with my housemates, even though i would be quite close to themso this situation you went home for, does it involve them?. one rang me and compleetly tore strips off me that i hadent told her i was going home and that she'd planned to do things with me (which included going shopping for food and cleaning the house, all very fun, once in a life time activities), which i now couldnt do and had ruined her weekend. then was rang at 6.30pm on friday and was asked did i want to go to a gig at 7.30. since home is about 2 hours from dublin and i was sitting in the do, i had to decline. got hung up on.

when i finaly did return on saturday, I explained a few of the reasons I had gone home to one of the other housemates [so this involves one housemate? - whom you are avoiding]. they were helpful and so i went out to visit another friend, didnt feel the need to ask anyone i lived with, as they didnt know them [do you normally seek permission or approval from your flatmates before going out? That seems odd]. when i came home from visiting my friend the next day, got about 100 questions from the one that rang me on friday [the one youre clearly avoiding] about where i went, how much i drank, the cost of the drinks, where did i stay, how much did it cost and so on. none in a friendly way, all in a seriously disaproving way. even what i was wearing was questioned, "is that new? when did you get it? how much was it? thought you were unemployed?". I dont know if its a thing that she felt left out, or she cant cope without me [mhmm..], but she keeps getting upset when i do things without her. how do i get her to relax? it always seems like she has to have more drama then me.

so thats that one.

the other one is, well... ive been sick for 3 weeks. but he [who now??] wont let me put on the heat in the house. im freezing and every time i put on the heat he makes me turn it off after 30 minutes, coz hes warm. he a very tidy person, i apriciate that, i try to be tidy, but as I have said ive been sick and things have just gone by the way side. the house is by no means messy. however, if leave somthing down he puts it away, on numerous occasions iv left a bag or a coat in the sitting room so as to take it the next day and i come down and its disappeared. I am never told where its been put. i am missing runners, cups, coats and lots of other things. its not being stolen, but "put away". somtimes even if i have a cup taken out of the press to use and step away from it for a minute, i come back and hes washing it up (its not even used). today, my medicine has gone missing. i am in a massive amount of pain. i text him and asked hime where he put it, he wont tell me. all i got back was "well that will serve you for not putting your stuff away". All i left was one pack of tablets on the coffee table, nothing else. i left them there on purpose as i was up early this morning and knew i culd get them there as i walked out the door. have havent taken them all day and cant find them. apparently he had to move "7" bags out of the sitting room the other day and he is fed up. i dont even own 7 bags!

im so ****ing fed up with this! especialy the fact that i am lying here in serious pain, freezing, i cant go home coz they will get thick, i cant buy more medicen in case i might offend one of them. i cant go to a friends house in case i might piss one of them off. i dont know what to do. help me.

Your situation as written, and series of events feels very incomplete and is kinda difficult to follow.

Without having more information, I want to wildly speculate. But I'll hold my tongue. I've left my remarks/questions for you in the above quotation.