Help to walk away from this

LegacyUser

I am in an abusive relationship. I've made step one to come to terms with it. He comes home drunk from work, doesn't talk much to me that makes sense. I make him his dinner, he goes to bed. Snores, keeps me awake all night with it and then wonders why i've been tired all the time. Been living together over a year now.

He hasn't come home until the following evening on a few occasions, saying he as with friends.

He says he would never knowingly do anything bad to me. Yet he maintains contact with an ex who is still in love with him, he keeeps in touch with her because she makes him happy and laugh...

He'll come home and shout at me until I cry, then laugh at me suffering in the grief he's caused me.

My parents disapprove of this relationship on the grounds that he won't meet them. and they have their suspicions i'm being treated badly. parental intuition is so right. I don't have the strength to get away.

I clean, cook, look after bills, pay half the rent.... I'm being walked all over. His family have been involved in the most recent stint, he didn't come home, he was with someone, but won't say who, and so i got in touch with his friend to see if he knew anything ,he didn't. His mother came round , his dad rang and his brother phones me too. He still came home pashed drunk and out of his mind.

I think it's time to walk away. I'm broke. Have nowhere else to go until I find somewhere else on my own.

I think it's time to go but I can't work up the courage.

I don't know what will come of this.

Please some sort of advice anyone who can give it...

Zaph

It sounds like you're in a bad situation OP, but there is help out there for you. Contact Womens Aid, they have plenty of experience dealing with women in your situation and will be able to tell you how to go about getting out of this relationship. You say you have nowhere to go to, but is there any chance you could move back in with your parents, even for a short period?

LegacyUser

I could go back with my parents but the costs of moving are high and they don't know i'm broke , and will be very angry I got myself into this situation...
I'm so confused and feel so alone, I had a look at the women's aid thing and wil ring tomorrow..

meglome

You really don't deserve the treatment you're receiving, no one does. I don't think I'll have anyone disagree with me saying your boyfriend is a complete asshole. If the ex wants him let her have him while you run a mile in the opposite direction. Can you move back with your parents temporarily? If you don't have the strength (and who can blame you after being treated like this) pack up your all your stuff and leave when he's not there. I'd tell you what he deserves but that would get me banned.

ManOfMystery

OP,

The whole point of having a relationship with another person is hopefully to become happier and more fulfilled, having found someone to share your life with. It sounds like your boyfriend is failing spectacularly in this area.

He doesn't make you happy; he's not helping financially; he treats you with complete disrespect in all areas of your relationship by the sounds of it.

If this was one of your friends, what advice would you give her? You'd tell her to run a mile - NOW.

There's no miracle cure to this, or no secret fix : this relationship is destroying you and you have to get out of it. So what if you have to move back with your parents for a while until you get your feet on the ground again? That's what parents are for, and I'm sure they would rather be there to help you than have you go through this alone - swallow your pride, pack your bags and leave that selfish pig to wallow in his own mess. You deserve much better.

Good luck

harps90

well done for taking step one and facing up to things.i have been in your position, and it took me almost a year from step one to actually moving out.i have 3 kids,no savings(spend,spend,spend!!!),but i went!thought my family would be so mad and disappointed,but they were fantastic.yes they were upset,but more out of saddness for me and the children.there are still moments of doubt tho, and i think did i do the right thing, am i awful for doin this to him,but you know what,previous posters are right, you deserve so much more than this. good luck.:)

LegacyUser

Trust your family OP. I was in a very messy relationship for over a year and knew early on I should get out. But I was too ashamed to talk to anyone. I ended up getting sick because of it, on antidepressants, I was in a terrible place.

I only told my family and friends the full extent of it once I had eventually left, when the fallout from it all could no longer be hidden. They were disappointed, hurt and sad, but for me, not by me. They were all amazing and I got better with their support. It's too hard to do things like this on your own. Let them do what they will want to do, help and support you.

Best of luck x

mood

strength wrote: »

I could go back with my parents but the costs of moving are high and they don't know i'm broke , and will be very angry I got myself into this situation...
I'm so confused and feel so alone, I had a look at the women's aid thing and wil ring tomorrow..

They might be glad you are getting your self out of the situation before kids etc are involved.

When you leave you could change your number etc so he can't contact you. Why would you want him to?