Ashamed of my body

LegacyUser

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to get over negative feelings about your own body.
Firstly I'm married to the most wonderful man. He's kind, caring, intelligent, and would never do/say anything to hurt me.
The problem is that I am very flat chested, and I cannot believe that he genuinely fancies me. It's getting to the stage where I cringe when he touches (or even sees) my breasts. I think I'm about an A cup - if even. Before I had our son, I was a pretty flat A as well, but at least they were perky. Childbirth and breastfeeding for nearly a year has really taken it's toll on them. (also I went up to a C during that time, and I think I kinda got used to them ) I feel so ashamed and sick everytime I see myself in the mirror.
The funny thing is that some other mothers are envious of me as I am so slim ( size 8, 5'6 - in fact my high metabolism and small frame are probably the 'curses' that have me so flat) , but I would rather have a extra few pounds if I could just have some decent boobs. I feel that's what matters more to men I wouldn't mind as much except that I know my husband is a breast kinda guy. I have long legs and tend to get complimented on my bum. The one thing that I know he wants, I don't have. I just feel that I'm letting him down, and that I should be providing him with pics of topless women to compensate for my lacking in that dept. ( I realise I come across as a kid, but I'm actually mid 20s)
I think at this stage he is worn out telling me he loves me the way I am etc, but I just don't believe that he could like my naked body - I mean I can barely look at it myself. I think we are both frustrated. I'm kind of thinking now that I will only want to get intimate with the lights off (I was never this bad before) I really don't want our sex life to suffer, but I just don't know how to feel better about myself when I look so bad.
Has anyone else been through something like this?
Thanks for reading the rant!
ps. I would not consider a boob job, so that's not an option.

Libertewhite

I can see where your coming from as my sister is in the same position and always complains about her small breasts.
Ill tell you what I tell her and any girl that sees small breasts as a "curse"...It does not matter what size they are to the majority of men!
I don't believe for a second that he lies when he says he loves you the way you are!
You sound attractive so you really have nothing to worry about. If its really getting you down and you wont consider implants, there is not much you can do. You just have to accept the way you are. Try and ignore it. Consider yourself lucky, I'm sure a lot of women are envious!

BraziliaNZ

I think it's just the normal Irish girl guilt thing. You're fine, your husband probably loves your body.

Warfi

ashamed wrote: »

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to get over negative feelings about your own body.
Firstly I'm married to the most wonderful man. He's kind, caring, intelligent, and would never do/say anything to hurt me.
The problem is that I am very flat chested, and I cannot believe that he genuinely fancies me. It's getting to the stage where I cringe when he touches (or even sees) my breasts. I think I'm about an A cup - if even. Before I had our son, I was a pretty flat A as well, but at least they were perky. Childbirth and breastfeeding for nearly a year has really taken it's toll on them. (also I went up to a C during that time, and I think I kinda got used to them ) I feel so ashamed and sick everytime I see myself in the mirror.
The funny thing is that some other mothers are envious of me as I am so slim ( size 8, 5'6 - in fact my high metabolism and small frame are probably the 'curses' that have me so flat) , but I would rather have a extra few pounds if I could just have some decent boobs. I feel that's what matters more to men I wouldn't mind as much except that I know my husband is a breast kinda guy. I have long legs and tend to get complimented on my bum. The one thing that I know he wants, I don't have. I just feel that I'm letting him down, and that I should be providing him with pics of topless women to compensate for my lacking in that dept. ( I realise I come across as a kid, but I'm actually mid 20s)
I think at this stage he is worn out telling me he loves me the way I am etc, but I just don't believe that he could like my naked body - I mean I can barely look at it myself. I think we are both frustrated. I'm kind of thinking now that I will only want to get intimate with the lights off (I was never this bad before) I really don't want our sex life to suffer, but I just don't know how to feel better about myself when I look so bad.
Has anyone else been through something like this?
Thanks for reading the rant!
ps. I would not consider a boob job, so that's not an option.

Bit of a long shot, but would it help you to think that every time your husband compliments you and you 'refuse' the compliment, you're actually hurting him? You're the person he loves most in the world, and he can't tell you how he feels about you and your body without you batting it away.
You might think being embarrassed of your breasts in front of your husband is just hurting you, but can you imagine how you would feel if your husband didn't want you to see him naked? You'd probably feel shut out-naturally you would want to be there for your husband whatever he's going through.
Maybe coming at it from this angle will give you the courage to accept your body

LegacyUser

hi, thanks for the replies.
he does often look hurt that I don't believe him. I feel bad for hurting him as he is one of the most decent people I've ever met. Sometimes I do be ok for a while, but there's just too many ample chested women around on the telly etc., and I feel stupid for accepting his affections or compliments, as I look pathetic in comparison. I really would like to accept his words as his honest opinion, even if I cannot understand how he finds them desireable. I just don't find it that easy. Well I guess I just have to work on my self esteem, before I end up pushing him away too much...

thefeatheredcat

Well a boob job is the worst solution (which thankfully you're not considering) as this is a self esteem issue and fixing it by implants will only solve part of the emotion for a while but will not resolve the psychological conflict.

Have you told your husband how you really feel? You need to be open about him with this, even just to get it out of your system as if you keep feeling this way about yourself, your sex life will suffer. There is more to being a person and a woman than boobs and I'd be confident that your husband married you for the person that you are.

Shopping for new bras/outfits/makeover will boost your confidence but that's only a temporary fix, but a good idea at the same time and will give to a state of happiness.

The issue for yourself is your own self-perception which is lowering your self-esteem and you need to deal with this. You need to be open to yourself about how you feel about your body and force yourself to confront your image in the mirror and accept yourself. Professional help and friends as well as a positive frame of mind can help you through this.

Warfi

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

The issue for yourself is your own self-perception which is lowering your self-esteem and you need to deal with this.

ASAP! I used to worry about parts of my body too (god I sound like one of those ads! :pac:). One day, however, I was looking at photos of myself from a few years back. I distinctly remember thinking at the time that I looked awful that night. With the benefit of hindsight, all I can see now is how fab I looked at the time! It suddenly struck me that I'd wasted so much time worrying about x,y,z that I wasn't actually enjoying myself. I decided there and then to accept myself the way I am and to enjoy my life (prior to that, I had a few false starts where I felt great going out, something would happen, and I'd be down in the dumps again. It was different this time because I took total control over how I perceived myself).

At the end of the day, I don't want to be looking at photos when I'm eighty odd and be thinking to myself 'Why didn't I realise that I had everything I needed to be happy?'

It's your decision to view your body in the negative way you do. It can also be your decision to view your body in a positive way, it's just a small step to the other side of the coin but it'll make all the difference in the world for you (first and foremost), and your husband.

iceman777

Believe me when I say men don't really care about the size of the breasts. To be bluntly honest, it is the nipples that do it so as long as you have them all is well in the a man's mind.

What are breasts without the nipples? They are just flesh, but the nipples make the breasts seductive and that is what we are attracted to. Have you ever seen ladies with tassles etc? As long as you can't see the nipples, the breast isn't "naked".

I have been with A cup to GG size ladies and it didn't make the world of difference at all. I think your partner is VERY happy with the way you are so please enjoy your time together and don't focus on things that don't matter at all.

KateC92

You are the complete opposite to me, I'm 5'9", a size 12 and 34G and honestly it's horrible!! I would trade bodies with you anyday. You just don't realise how beautiful you really are!!! I would prefer to be a A cup and be really skinny, you can probably where any clothes you like and always look good.
Most women would kill to be sleek and slender like you!!!!
I think you should believe your husband, he is obviously a great guy and really loves you, and you should learn to love yourself too!!!

meglome

Don't know what to say to you OP other than personally I'm a small frame, small breast man so you sound like the perfect size as far as I'm concerned and many of my friends would feel that way too. I know several women who would kill for your frame. The next time your husband compliments you just stop and say thank you and feel good about it, no need for any further analysis.

Monkey61

I can totally understand why you feel the way you do OP but you basically have two choices here - you can work on changing how you feel about your breasts or you can change your breasts.

While the second one is always an option, you might as well try your best with the first one as it will be a lot cheaper, less possibly dangerous and less painful.

You have a husband who you love and who loves you. He fell in love with YOU, the way you are and it is pretty obvious from all you have said that he loves your body the way it is. So what if he likes big boobs? I love red haired girls yet none of the girls that I have fallen in love with in the last few years have had red hair. Did I sit around with them wishing they had red hair? Did I fancy them less because of it? Of course not. Everyone has physical things that they like,but it doesn't for a second mean that it is all they like and that anything else won't be enough for them.

Sleepy

OP - sounds like you're in great shape to me. Shall I let you in on a little fact though?

Most men know that childbirth has it's toll on a woman's body.

Want to know the more important fact?

It doesn't stop us wanting to have sex with our partners after childbirth.

Honestly, the way you're behaving is far more off-putting than any physical trait could be. Most guys I know, myself included, won't even notice a partners minor physical shortcomings if that partner is enthusiastic about their sex life. I'm not saying that having small breasts is a shortcoming, but from the way you're talking if you still had C cups, you'd find some other part of your body to be self concious about: minor stretch marks, a bit of cellulite etc. You need to learn to cut yourself a break and try to focus the energy you're wasting on being paranoid about your body into improving your sex life - initiate things with the light on, forget about your body and, dare I say it, focus on his!

Emme

An A cup!Lucky you, I'm a D cup and it's a bummer to find tops that don't make me look tarty. We're never satisfied with what we have.

Love yourself - you sound like you have a great figure. Show it off!

Keira Knightly has an A or AA cup and she looks fabulous.:D

J Peterman

Warfi wrote: »

It's your decision to view your body in the negative way you do. It can also be your decision to view your body in a positive way, it's just a small step to the other side of the coin but it'll make all the difference in the world for you

Is this really true? My OH has similar body issues, and I used to think that it was something that is controllable, but now I wonder. I mean, why would anyone "decide" on a course of action that is harmful and unpleasant?

If true, how can the person work on making the switch?

shellyboo

J Peterman wrote: »

Is this really true? My OH has similar body issues, and I used to think that it was something that is controllable, but now I wonder. I mean, why would anyone "decide" on a course of action that is harmful and unpleasant?

If true, how can the person work on making the switch?

I don't think it's something you consciously decide to do - but it's certainly possible to decide NOT to do it anymore. I've done it myself and it was literally like flipping a switch in my head, a proper epiphany moment.

Taltos

I am going to be short here.

My wife is also convinced I am one of those guys preferring the bigger breast.

I'm not though - and tbh I am sick to the teeth of being so labelled. It's almost like - "I don't like my body so I am going to blame you for not liking it either".

Did I say sick to the teeth yet? Oh I did. Well I am.

Please try to focus on yourself as a whole - not just one part of you. As a guy this is how I see my wife - a whole person - with foibles and things that annoy me but other aspects that make me fall in love with her every day. Try for your own sake to see what he sees - "an amazing woman who chose him and who is the mother of his child" - as well as everything else about you.

LegacyUser

hi, thanks for the helpful replies. I actually feel a lot more postive today. It's strange, when I still had an extra few pounds of pregnancy weight on me, I saw a photo of me about 2 years previously. I thought wow I looked great. Then I remembered that at the time I felt very self conscious and kept tugging my top over my non-existent belly. I'm not saying I suddenly think I look fab. But I really did try and see it from my husbands point of view. I know that if he suddenly gained 15 kg and wouldn't let me near him I'd be upset and also insulted as it would suggest he found me shallow. I guess I see just why he gets upset when I don't believe any of his compliments. I still think my breasts are horribly small and I am embarrassed that I can't fill some tops/dresses. (and yes I have a few stretch marks too - strangely they don't even bother me as much) I suppose I am kind of in mourning for my old body. I hope I get over it soon though. The fact that I'm slim has barely registered throughout my life as I have always been so, even during pregnancy ( apart from the belly). I tend not to appreciate that. Anyway I'm rambling on again. Many of your posts have made me feel a lot better, and I hope to surprise my husband with a little bit more confidence. (well at least confidence in him liking me!)

Warfi

not so ashamed wrote: »

I hope to surprise my husband with a little bit more confidence. (well at least confidence in him liking me!)

It'll be like a second honeymoon

Good luck

Darthhoob

i'm an F cup and i HATE that they are that big lol. i get back ache, i can't find nice looking bras and after 2 kids they are a bit saggy..at 27 years old (plus pregnant again lol). i have loads of wobbly bits, and cellulite, my bum....well...it balances out my boobs shall we say....oh i could go on complaining lol. i think most people have hangups about there bodies. but i know my OH loves me for me...he doesn't give a stuff about ANY of the things i worry about...what he DOES worry about though...and it is a big worry for him. is how i feel about myself. he wants to to be happy. however i have no hangups with getting butt naked in front of him LOL, as i believe him.

i would think that when your husband tells you these compliments...he really does mean them, and he is probably strained and hurt by you not liking yourself. i'm looking to so self esteem counselling etc which i imagine would help, so maybe look into something like that. in the meantime try and trust that your husband DOES love you...he is with you and not a big busty woman off the telly.

sorry i cannot help more as i am nearly in the same boat. i think realising these problems are your own (as in ..in your own head) is a beginning though x

and as peeps have said kiera knightly has small boobs and she pulls them off nicely. infact it took me a while to even notice she had small boobs at all (but then i'm not a bloke lol). she isn't the only celeb either probably more who have A cups than natural F cups anyway lol