Need to avoid "Friend Zone" & "Big Brother Zone"

LegacyUser

My story is that I haven't been too successful with women, and at 30 years of age I want to do something about it.

I have plenty of lady friends, but I always end up being seen as the friend or the big brother - basically I'm considered too nice.

Any tips on how to avoid these pitfalls. I have met a really nice girl who I would like to get to know better but don't want to end up in the zone without giving something a try.

Thanks for the help.

shellyboo

Don't act like her friend or big brother if that's not what you want - act like a lover. Flirt with her, woo her, and most importantly, ask her out! Immediately if not sooner.

Start as you mean to go on.

panda100

yabadabadoo2034 wrote: »

My story is that I haven't been too successful with women, and at 30 years of age I want to do something about it.

I have plenty of lady friends, but I always end up being seen as the friend or the big brother - basically I'm considered too nice.

Any tips on how to avoid these pitfalls. I have met a really nice girl who I would like to get to know better but don't want to end up in the zone without giving something a try.

Thanks for the help.

I don't think theres any such thing as being 'too nice'. I think most women want to go out with someone who is nice and pleasant!
I find that guys that are put into the 'too nice' category are generally those who lack assertiveness and confidence.

Did you ask the girl you like out?

Wibbs

You're looking for a girlfriend, so take the word itself as a hint and go for the girl part first, not the other way around. If she's interested then you have a chance at getting a girlfriend, if she's not interested in that way then you may well end up with a friend.

LegacyUser

I think the confidence/shy/lack of assertiveness category is definitely somewhere that I can be slotted into - how to move away from this I don't know.

I haven't asked her out and it is this ridiculous fear of rejection that has probably prevented me from doing so. I guess I'm looking for the perfect opportunity where I know she definitely would not say no!!

KrustyUCC

Hi Op this could be just the thing that will get your confidence going. I wouldn't wait for the perfect opportunity where I know she definitely would not say no ... that might never happen. Do you have her number? Give here a call and ask her out. This will ensure that she knows exactly where you stand. For your self you will have had the confidence to ask her out. Also it's 50/50 whether she accepts your offer. Way better than not knowing/over analysing the situation.

shellyboo

yabadabadoo2034 wrote: »

I think the confidence/shy/lack of assertiveness category is definitely somewhere that I can be slotted into - how to move away from this I don't know.

I haven't asked her out and it is this ridiculous fear of rejection that has probably prevented me from doing so. I guess I'm looking for the perfect opportunity where I know she definitely would not say no!!

That's never going to happen. You have two options:

1. Ask her out now, face possible rejection. Don't get the date? Feel fantastic for overcoming your confidence issues anyway.

2. Ask her out in six months' time when you're really totally smitten with her and face certain rejection because you've landed yourself in the friend zone.

Pick one

Wibbs

yabadabadoo2034 wrote: »

I haven't asked her out and it is this ridiculous fear of rejection that has probably prevented me from doing so.

OK look at it this way. If you have this fear of rejection you don't value yourself enough as a romantic partner for this woman, so why should she? As Shellboo says you'll never have a sure thing unless she asks you out, which is rare enough, so bite bullet or have regrets. Regrets are far worse than rejection thats for sure.

themusicman

From Experience

Do what has already been said. Ask her.....do it now.....because someone else will. Trust me I know.

panda100

Wibbs wrote: »

OK look at it this way. If you have this fear of rejection you don't value yourself enough as a romantic partner for this woman, so why should she?

Wibbs hits the nail on the head once again

Op, everyone gets rejected. Yes Its horrible and knocks your confidence,but we all have to go through it. At the end of the day rejection is a transient feeling and after the intial embarrasment you'll feel a boost of confidence that you had the courage to ask a girl out.

Nothing is more unattractive than a lack of confidence in a potential partner. You dont have to be cocky or arrogant but be self assured enought to realise that this women is lucky to go on a date with someone who sounds like a really nice person.

You must ask this girl out on a date before you get into the friend zone, as once she thinks of you as a friend then thats all you wil probably ever be.

kjl

fyi, I'm 30 too, have had lots of gf's and lover's and I still find it hard to ask someone I like out.

BUT the reward is worth the risk. Man up and take the plunge, or it will pan out exactly as shellyboo said it would