best friends?

LegacyUser

hey first time poster, my ex and i have split mutually, im not doing to bad now however whats starting to hit me now is that i am also losing my best friend, he and i did everything together, not only that we confided in one another all the time.

we were on the same page, ive talked to him a few times since the break up, one day i would like to get back together with him, my qeustion is how many of you had relationships were you grew to be best friends?

the people i know who have the best relationships werent all sparks at the start however they grew together so much that their love was stronger than most's i dont want to lose my chance of that, i should say i asked for the split first but i think i was hasty.

GismoBaby

hey miss him. i used to out with a guy who i totally adored but who was also my best friend. he thought me so much about love and life and other things! like you we did everything together. but we were young and he dumped me because he wanted to experience life with other people. and even though i hated him for dumping me and i took revenge, and he hated me, he forgave and i forgave him and we became best friends. we never met up apart from once or twice, which wasnt the best idea in the world as you can imagine where that ended us! that was almost 6 years ago. he rings me every now and again and i know if i need him i can ring him but for my own peace of mind i never do.

i think i figured he would realise how much he missed me and how good we were together and that when he did he would know id take him back. not the case though. he never forgot how good we were together and always in his subconscious compares all women to me.. he has told me this for no reason other than we can talk to each other like that now! i was fooling myself thinking we would ever get back together. and i dont make it harder by ringing or texting ever. even after 6 years i still find myself thinking about him. i have had relationships since but never the same and i do wonder will i ever meet someone else like him.

i still care deeply for him and i honestly think i would go back to him in the morning... but he rang me 2 days ago and told me his current girlfiend is expecting... so thats that!

LegacyUser

Wouldn't say that we are best friends but we are still very good friends. In fact, thinking about it, she's joint best friend.

She lives in another country but we are in touch every other week.

It was the case when we split that we had ceased contact - her decision. Then she was seeing different guys on and off - I was jealous ex to an extent but that ended and now we get on 7years later.

LegacyUser

yea its hard im the one who pushed for the split more and at the start i thought i was right because he lost his job and was so stressed with things he changed and spent more time in the pub, ive talked to him since and hes back to his own self got his job back and doing grand with the break up!! this for some reason is hard on me, when we did talk after the break up we were like best friends.

hes a good looking person with a job women would find attractive so ive no doubt hell find another woman soon and since we decided to be friends after the break up i dont know how id deal with that.

Moomoo1

if you leave someone when they've fallen on hard times, then they'd have every excuse in the book to not be your best friends anymore, or in fact not even be friends at all...

G-Money

Moomoo1 wrote: »

if you leave someone when they've fallen on hard times, then they'd have every excuse in the book to not be your best friends anymore, or in fact not even be friends at all...

I agree. It seems a bit unfair that you ditched him partly because he fell on hard times and now that he's got a job and money coming in again, you're starting to wonder if you made a mistake.

To be honest, the person who pushes for a break shouldn't really expect to stay friends with the other person. Quite often it's extremely tough on the other person as they have to hang around and see the person who dumped them, and eventually see them wander off with someone else. It's really up to him whether you remain friends, and unfortunately, as much as it's your right to be single, seeing you dumped him, it's completely his right to say he doesn't want to be friends now.

Yeah it's quite possible he will meet some other girl, but in fairness, what do you expect? You ditched him, so he's free to do what he wants. It's unreasonable to expect him to stay single until you are ok with him seeing someone else, or until you meet someone else.

LegacyUser

i agree i know it was my own insecurities at work, he just got locked and embarrased me in front of my mates, i was a idot and forgot he was a mate too how do i fix this

LegacyUser

I'm in a similar position to your ex. He is probably grieving over you breaking up with him. I suppose if you REALLY want to keep him as a friend, get in contact with him, and lay it all out on the table. God knows I would love to hear from my ex again.....

If you explain clearly about you really wanting to stay friends, it's up to him to do something about it. You can never blame yourself and there will be no what-ifs.

I'm sure your ex would love to be friends with you, but after breaking it off with him, he does need time and space to grieve.

LegacyUser

110110110112 wrote: »

I'm in a similar position to your ex. He is probably grieving over you breaking up with him. I suppose if you REALLY want to keep him as a friend, get in contact with him, and lay it all out on the table. God knows I would love to hear from my ex again.....

If you explain clearly about you really wanting to stay friends, it's up to him to do something about it. You can never blame yourself and there will be no what-ifs.

I'm sure your ex would love to be friends with you, but after breaking it off with him, he does need time and space to grieve.

yea but i want to get back with him, how did your ex break up with you?

Moomoo1

op here wrote: »

yea but i want to get back with him, how did your ex break up with you?

just say you are sorry and ask him if he is willing to give it another try?

LegacyUser

I was going through stresses in my life (home,work,money - everything) and she said it was very hard for us to keep it up. Ours was sort of mutual as well, but she instigated it, whereas I was willing to work through everyones problems. I was left extremely hurt. And still am, but I believe it has made me a stronger person.

I would love to hear from my ex again. In a proper fashion, as opposed to a one line text, or a facebook request. I still love her, and would love to hear from her again. I initiated 'no contact' with my ex because I was hurting, and just dumped. In saying that, I love her to pieces, and I'm sure your ex does too

Contact him. Put the break-up down to a mistake, and see what he says. If he has no interest, then leave it. If he has interest, see where it takes you. But you can NEVER say you didn't try!

opinion guy

one day i would like to get back together with him

Seriously what ? Pretty much all sympathy I might have had for you went out the window with this sentence. You dumped the guy when he was in hard times but someday intend to get back with him ? Having done waht in the mean time ? You just expecting him to be waiting patiently ? Have you never heard the expression - 'A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush'. Learn from this to appreciate what you have before discarding it so easily.

ok preachy bit over.

op here wrote: »

how do i fix this

Grovel.
Well not quite. But you were the one who ended it when he was in a tough spot. Hmmm, let me put it this way, I had my own tough spot to go thru (not like his) and several friends and a romantic interest or two really let me down. Pretty much I could do without them at this point (thou they don't all know that). That being said only way I'd wipe the slate clean is if they came to me and said - ok I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed support but I'm here now. That I'd be really happy to hear because I would know that they get it and I'd trust them again.

People always appreciate those who are there for them in truly tough times, and people always notice those who are not.

advicewhore

IMHO, you can ONLY be friends if you both are on the same page and both do not have feelings for each other in a boyfriend/girlfriend sort of way. if one or either of you still have these feelings, even if you try to supress them, it will not work and you will not be able to be friends because one person will always be thinking or hoping for more to come out of it and it wont be a healthy friendship in that case

LegacyUser

im not looking for sympathy only advice, i just didnt know how to deal with his drinking i was totally wrong now hes happy with some one else and i made a mistake and paying for it, he hasnt got his job back but is coping with it better, i have no problem grovelling to him, i was wrong pure and simple.

i want him back not only to be friends.

can i be frank

i really dont understand people with a attitude like yours, sort of like i dumped him and he doesnt want to be "best friends" ill translate that into what your saying to him by your actions im rejecting you because youve hit a hard patch.

your going through a bad patch now so by your logic it would be justified if your friends abandoned you because they were sick of your moaning and then complained that they missed you and wanted to be best of friends again and live in rainbow lane!

i had a ex who broke up with me over a bad patch i was actually surprised that i was ok with it so soon after it all and the reason was simple, she was a complete waste of space who ran when the s*&t hit the fan. i was grand so is he, as regards advice i would apoligise to hm and see how it goes but only if you want to get back with him dont expect to be friends with him.