Dilemma

LegacyUser

I have a dilemma at the moment and not sure what to do.

I started work in a small office about six months ago. One month ago after work on a Friday I went out for a drink with my boss. I had been attracted to him since I had my interview and knew he fancied me so one thing led to another and we ended up having sex.

Since then there haven’t been any more encounters but we have a Christmas party coming up soon and he has said to me he wants to sleep with me that night.

I don’t know whether to do it or not. As I said I am really attracted to him but he is 46 and is married with two teenage sons. I think it is only harmless fun at the moment but don’t know what it will lead to. If I turn him down on the other hand I can imagine my work life becoming very uncomfortable and I really need this job at the moment.

The_Conductor

It can only end in tears.
It will come out at home for him sooner or later, its almost inevitable- and you will be held up as evil incarnate.
Seriously- no good can come from it.

jellyboy

hi op
pain and heartache....consider it a circle ...no place to hide if/when it goes wrong...you dont say what age you are but im guessing younger than 46...

please consider the teenage sons and the mother...back out...find a friend to take as ab/f and back down....


for your sake...

mood

Tell him the first time was a mistake and it can never happen again and you want your relationship to be kept professional.

LegacyUser

Avoid. Don't go near a married man. Every woman deserves much, much better. Do not sell yourself short; it is deeply unattractive. And don't delude yourself that it will all end in roses: it wont.

You deserve better.

D rog

guest99 wrote: »

As I said I am really attracted to him but he is 46 and is married with two teenage sons. I think it is only harmless fun at the moment but don’t know what it will lead to.

Wow. How is it harmless fun if he's married with children.
I don't think they would describe it as harmless fun if they knew.
Do yourself a favour and ignore advances and maybe bypass the office party.

mood

D rog wrote: »

Wow. How is it harmless fun if he's married with children.
I don't think they would describe it as harmless fun if they knew.
Do yourself a favour and ignore advances and maybe bypass the office party.

I agree just wasn't going to bother saying so. You brought this on yourself but now you have to get out of it asap. You will if you have any cop on.

dublingal80

dont do it!!!! he is your boss and he is married with two kids.

it only happened once so it can be easier to just let that one slide and dont spend too much time alone with him at the xmas party. the more you do it, the more it will be a regular affair and someone will find out, especially working in a small office, and as much as you need your job right now, you may have to leave if things get so awkward and difficult

just put it down to something stupid and if he brings it up again just tell him you would rather not, as it would get too complicated

dudara

This has disaster written all over it.

When I was 16 my father told me to "watch out for men" and "don't get messy". Both pieces of advice have served me well to date, and you'd be espcially well-served to combine both.

Emme

guest99 wrote: »

IAs I said I am really attracted to him but he is 46 and is married with two teenage sons. I think it is only harmless fun at the moment but don’t know what it will lead to. If I turn him down on the other hand I can imagine my work life becoming very uncomfortable and I really need this job at the moment.

What about his wife? If I were you I'd politely avoid the Christmas party (ie get a mystery gastro attack on the night). It doesn't matter how attracted you are to this man, he is married and will be spending Christmas with his wife and two sons.

I cannot understand women who sleep with men behind their OH's back when they know he is otherwise attached. Surely this should be a taboo for all women?

mood

Emme wrote: »

What about his wife? If I were you I'd politely avoid the Christmas party (ie get a mystery gastro attack on the night). It doesn't matter how attracted you are to this man, he is married and will be spending Christmas with his wife and two sons.

I cannot understand women who sleep with men behind their OH's back when they know he is otherwise attached. Surely this should be a taboo for all women?

I don't understand these women (or men) either. When it all blows up in her face she only has here self to blame.

XarcherX

He is MARRIED OP. have some consideration.
It's not "harmless fun" when there is the possibililty of breaking up a family, no matter how old the kids are.
steer clear of the office party and his advances.
This can only end in tears and your reputation will be in tatters.

shellyboo

You could ruin your career, a marriage, a family, children's lives, your reputation... and for what? A quick ride?


Cop yourself on, OP. You know what to do. Go out and get your jollies from a single bloke, there are enough of them out there.

Xterminator

wow, theres a lot of people jumping on the bandwagon on this one!

2 consenting adults, = no one else's business. If the OP doesnt have a problem with it, then preaching at her is unhelpful and pointless.

To OP. Your boss has 2 obvious flaws. He cheats on his wife and he sleeps with his employees.

this would suggest he's not a nice person, and perhaps not one you want to get involved with.

however a refusal to sleep with him may go down like the titanic, so if you decide you dont want to, you may be wise to miss the event altogether, in the future, dont engage in any flirtatious behaviour in the office. in fact if you can be cold, you can show him your no longer interested.

if you consider sleeping with him, see can you find out on the grapevine what he is like with other employees.

BumbleB

Don't refuse to be with him just say youve met someone and be as nice as pie to him also don't let him know that youre fearing for your job ,be assertive ,confident stand up tall , and let him know .If he wants sex let him find a pro.

Thicktights

Agree with your boss that you will meet him and then suddenly disappear when he has gone to the bar, toilet or whatever. Explain the next day that you got an urgent phone call!