another break-up post...sorry

LegacyUser

Same old story I suppose. me and my boyfriend were together 2 years, the last one of which was long distance (3 hours away). We're both young enough, him 21 me 23 and it was getting too tough to see each other often, the stress was killing us both.
Anyway he came up to see me yesteray for about 15 minutes and broke it off.
It was so upsetting. He said he still loved me and would probably regret doing this tomorrow but we're too young to be doing this to each other. He's right of course and I know it's the right thing to do but I still feel so so awful. I know it's natural and I know eventually I'll be fine but it's just heart-breaking right now. I just miss him so much and i feel like there's nobody out there who'll ever want me again. We've decided to cut off all contact for the time being as being friends would just be too difficult. just keep picturing him with other women, his facebook profile is public too which doesn't help.

Anyway my friends brought me out last night to Coppers to make me feel better.
I have no idea why this was meant to help I spent the night getting groped by HORRIBLE drunk sleazy men, none of which I wanted anything to do with. It's nice to know that I actually have too much respect for myself to let any of those sleazebags near me but has completely depressed me because if that's the calibre of men that's ot there clearly I'm going to be single forever. And i really don't think I deserve that I'm a nice girl. Before he left he said it would be much easier if there was something wrong with me but I'm perfect the timings just wrong. So now I'm going to be single forever. Probably.
Can I contact him and ask him to make his facebook page private? Really really don't want to but I really really don't want to be able to see his page either!

Wibbs

ifeel awful wrote: »

Can I contact him and ask him to make his facebook page private? Really really don't want to but I really really don't want to be able to see his page either!

Then delete the link from your facebook and simply don't look at it. I know, I know it's obvious, but that's the best way to make it "private". It's up to you, not him as far as responsibility goes. yes it will be hard at times, but its also good practice and a healthier thing for you long term.

Before he left he said it would be much easier if there was something wrong with me but I'm perfect the timings just wrong. So now I'm going to be single forever. Probably.

You're not. That's pretty much a given, though at the moment you will feel that way. In any case being single for a time is a good thing to be and you can learn a lot from that. So enjoy that time when the intial pain of this begins to ease.

IMHO as far as the reasons he gave for the split; he may well believe them, but I think its just a simple case of you were compatible for those two years, but now that it was to go into the actual long term stage, it just wasn't there enough for him to continue(he has a point re your age too. That's what he's feeling. He may love you but just not enough to stay at his age). Very common at that stage of relationships. It's a variant on the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line. It's not really a line either. As I say it's pretty close to the truth. This does not mean you are not lovable longer term and it defo does not mean you wont meet other guys and better guys. A guy who is willing to continue for longer and not leave.

LegacyUser

I know. I just wish i could fast-forward about 2 months til the stage where I'm over it and I'm fine. To be honest I'm not dwelling on why he broke up with me, just tht now it's over and i'm going to have to come to terms with it and get my self esteem back and move on. I have really good friends and family who i know will look after me. Most of my friends are single at the minute aswell so it#s not like i'll b all alone in my singleness.
I think I just need some reassurance that there actually are some nice men still out there. Last night in Coppers has quite possibly put me off them for life. Plus only last week my mum was going on about lucky I am as 'there aren't many good men out there'. Not that she'd know I suppose. Just feel like I'll never find anyone that nice again. not that he was all that nice as he dumped me but still. There are decent single boys out there aren't there? I won't be alone forever?

Wibbs

ifeel awful wrote: »

I think I just need some reassurance that there actually are some nice men still out there. Plus only last week my mum was going on about lucky I am as 'there aren't many good men out there'. Not that she'd know I suppose. Just feel like I'll never find anyone that nice again. There are decent single boys out there aren't there? I won't be alone forever?

Of course you won't be alone forever unless you worked really really hard on being so. And yes there are decent single guys out there. You found a fairly ok one already did you not? Even if it ended. With billions of men in the world, millions in this country, tens of thousands you pass by every week? And you've got so much time ahead of you at 21 too. The odds are really in your favour. They really are.

LegacyUser

Lol i'm 23 he's the one who's 21. So that slightly lessens my chances i guess. He's just after texting me to say 'this is ****. hope you're ok' doesn't really help as i think not cntacting each other at all would be better. Thanks Wibbs you're right about it all. Wish I could just feel better.

Karen_*

Everyone feels they'll be single forever when they break up. Its part and parcel of the upset of it all and its not at all true. You'll meet someone else for sure.

There should be a break up handbook saying 'Do not go to Coppers' immediately after a break up. Its guaranteed to depress. The vast majority of men are fantastic people and yes there are a few sleazy drunken gropers but they're in the minority and they live in Coppers. So don't go there and you won't have to see them:D

Feed your soul now OP. Do lovely things for yourself and get out to places where loads of drink isn't involved and you can see people at their best.

Even read some of the fantastic responses to peoples problems on here especially the ones made by men and you can see the good and kind people who are out there.

Sephiroth_dude

If he contacts you again dont bother replying it just prolongs the pain,there are plenty of decent men out there you gotta root them out,keep yourself busy,best of luck to ya.

Blackpitts

ifeel awful wrote: »

It was so upsetting. He said he still loved me and would probably regret doing this tomorrow but we're too young to be doing this to each other. He's right of course and I know it's the right thing to do but I still feel so so awful. I know it's natural and I know eventually I'll be fine but it's just heart-breaking right now. I just miss him so much and i feel like there's nobody out there who'll ever want me again. We've decided to cut off all contact for the time being as being friends would just be too difficult. just keep picturing him with other women, his facebook profile is public too which doesn't help.

you should watch "(500) days of Summer", it's a great movie and for sure you can relate to it.
Move on, the guy is not "the one" even if you think he is. It's just a matter of time and you will be happy again.

shellyboo

Karen_* wrote: »

The vast majority of men are fantastic people and yes there are a few sleazy drunken gropers but they're in the minority and they live in Coppers.

QFT.

OP, Coppers is a meat market and is in no way, shape or form representative of the male population as a whole. Even usually nice men turn into drunken eejits in that place. If I had a euro for the number of times I've had to peel guys off me in there, I'd be a rich woman.

Don't let it put you off!

Yeah, don't go to Coppers. Places like that are never any good for anything more than a drunken one night stand. I can't even blame it on the blokes who go there because a lot of the girls will put out easily, so they're only doing what gets them results. I know after a breakup it feels like you'll never find anyone again but you will. I've met guys in the most unexpected places. I got given a number by a guy who helped me in the tax office the other day and I've had boyfriends I met on an evening course and in a music class. I wouldn't even bother trying or going to sleazy nightclubs, just live your life.

Libertewhite

ifeel awful wrote: »

Anyway my friends brought me out last night to Coppers to make me feel better.
I have no idea why this was meant to help I spent the night getting groped by HORRIBLE drunk sleazy men, none of which I wanted anything to do with. It's nice to know that I actually have too much respect for myself to let any of those sleazebags near me but has completely depressed me because if that's the calibre of men that's ot there clearly I'm going to be single forever.

Coppers is not the best place to go in my opinion! Only been there once and I swear I will not go again! All slutty nurses and cops looking for a quickie, very low standards!

The random places are the best from experience

magneticimpulse

come on 23...im 29, and single. ive had many great experiences...some great guys around 23, 25 and 27. It comes in waves i find. But enjoy being single. youve got 40 odd years to be married to the one person, so enjoy your 20s.

ive never had a good time in slapper face jacks. in fact a female friend got kicked by another female stranger on the way to the toilets. very messy. we still go now and again, but its only cos we take it with a pitch of salt and laugh at the other people. it is know for one night stand central. even d2 is bit better. you'd have better chance in the old man style pubs (usually normal guys go to them). join a club full of men...climbing, cycling, running. this will build up your confidence

LegacyUser

I know it's just so horrible I miss him like crazy.... We used to speak every night on the phone so going from that to radio silence it's so flipping tough.... Have talked to him again since then and he keeps saying things like 'I hope you're coping with this better than I am....' which I HATE because while obviously I don't want him to get over it and be fine straight away the fact that he's finding it tough makes me think he'll change his mind which he WON'T and I know that and I don't even think I want him to I just flipping miss him so much......

For the last few years whenever there's been something I've been upset about he's always the one I've turned to and now this is one of the hardest things I've ever been through and I can't talk to him ever again...

I'm sorry I know theres people with real problems out there I just need somewhere to rant about this and I feel bad burdening my friends constantly coz it'll just depress them and there's nothing they can do anyway.....sorry

LegacyUser

hey i feel awful

i feel awful too! very same boat as ya. going out wiht my boy 2 years and bam its all over. he just said it didnt feel right while bawling his eyes out. the whole break up was so upsetting. he didnt no what he wanted or what to do. we didnt talk the weekend but he texted after that. we met up and its over. its so so over. im lost.

i dont really have any advice for you cause im a mess myself. i no what the missing is like. i no what its like to see something and want to tell him. its weird. i feel like i was completely normal and now my world is turned upside down. cudnt beleive when u said u want it to be two months, completely feel the same. would love to by pass christmas!

anyway. just had to put it out there, ur not the only one. i hope were gona be ok!!

Moomoo1

i feel awful wrote: »

Have talked to him again since then and he keeps saying things like 'I hope you're coping with this better than I am....'

I find that sort of statement infuriating and disingenious. If he _really_ felt like this, he wouldn't have broken up.

SarahSassy

i feel awful wrote: »

Have talked to him again since then and he keeps saying things like 'I hope you're coping with this better than I am....'

What an A hole - trying to make himself feel better and salve his conscience.... He did you a favour as you can now move on to meet someone who loves you as much as you love him. Dont feed this guys ego by listening to this rubbish as its totally self serving on his part.... Move onwards and upwards