Should i contact her?

LegacyUser

Hey just need some advice. I Split up from my girlfriend over a month ago mainly because she had stuff going on in her life and we both decided that she needed space to sort it out. We've sent each other a few text messages since but nothing more then a few words but she seems to be more like her old self. I havent heard from her in about 2 weeks and its only lately that i realise how much i miss her and that i love her dearly but im then thinking that i just need time to get over her. Im unsure if i should contact her and tell her how i feel because i suppose im afraid she'll say she's not ready and then i'll have no chance of getting back with her!! So im just wondering what people here think i should do?

hollis12

who did the breaking up and is what was going on in her life better now?

Satyr_The_Great

hollis12 wrote: »

who did the breaking up and is what was going on in her life better now?

The op said they BOTH decided they needed a break...Give it another day or 2 and then give her a call or text. If it works out then great, if it doesnt then move on,,not the end of the world.

hollis12

sometimes on e person pushes more for the split than the other

LegacyUser

hollis12 wrote: »

who did the breaking up and is what was going on in her life better now?

hey op here! it was me that mainly pushed the break up and she agreed to it, she just had stuff going on and it was clear that having me in her life at that time wasn't what she needed. Basicly someone close to her died and she took it pretty hard thats why i felt she needed her own space!

dublingal80

definitely give her a bell, just to see how she is doing, just a friendly call so you can have a proper chat about what ever issues she has had going on and see how it goes. if it feels like its going well enough for you to tell her you miss her, tell her. if not, ask if she is free to meet up during the week for a coffee or whatever

you can either do nothing, and wreck your head and always wonder what if.. or you can pick up the phone, see how she is doing and take it from there

good luck

shellyboo

should i wrote: »

hey op here! it was me that mainly pushed the break up and she agreed to it, she just had stuff going on and it was clear that having me in her life at that time wasn't what she needed. Basicly someone close to her died and she took it pretty hard thats why i felt she needed her own space!

Someone close to her died and you decided to break up with her?!?! This, to me, seems utterly crazy. You can give someone space without breaking up with them.

Eh, get in touch if you want but I wouldn't have too much time for someone who broke up with me at a time like that, tbh. No matter whether I wanted it at the time or not.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

Someone close to her died and you decided to break up with her?!?! This, to me, seems utterly crazy. You can give someone space without breaking up with them.

Eh, get in touch if you want but I wouldn't have too much time for someone who broke up with me at a time like that, tbh. No matter whether I wanted it at the time or not.

well anytime i offered to meet her she didnt want to see me and she hinted that she wanted a break because she didnt know how long it was going to take her to get over it and didnt want me waiting around so that is why i said to her that is was probably better that we broke up and she agreed. she text me a few days later to say that she just needed to be alone!

dublingal80

oh i missed the part where you said you broke up with her cos someone close to her died!!!!

I had a close family member die a few months ago and i dont know how i would have gotten through it if it wasnt for my OH. Even if i told him I didnt want to see him cos i was too upset, he still came out, cos he knew i would want to see him and its better to have him there than not at all

I cant believe this!

meditraitor

It looks like you made a mistake,, bad timing is not the word. If you are not sure about calling her why dont you sit down for a couple of hours and write a letter explaining how you feel and apologising for your behaviour.

If she still loves you she will contact you after.

Good luck

shellyboo

should i? wrote: »

well anytime i offered to meet her she didnt want to see me and she hinted that she wanted a break because she didnt know how long it was going to take her to get over it and didnt want me waiting around so that is why i said to her that is was probably better that we broke up and she agreed. she text me a few days later to say that she just needed to be alone!

Em, you really should have just given her space, not broken up with her.



One of two things have happened - She was in shock, grieving, her judgement can't be trusted at times like that. She just agreed because she had other things on her mind.

OR, she did actually want to break up, and this was a convenient way to do it.

The only way to find out is to talk to her, though.

hollis12

should i? wrote: »

well anytime i offered to meet her she didnt want to see me and she hinted that she wanted a break because she didnt know how long it was going to take her to get over it and didnt want me waiting around so that is why i said to her that is was probably better that we broke up and she agreed. she text me a few days later to say that she just needed to be alone!

well you pushed for the break maybe but she stopped acting like she was in a relationship,it sounds like she was depressed and just needed space, i would contact her to say you made a mistake

mood

shellyboo wrote: »

Someone close to her died and you decided to break up with her?!?! This, to me, seems utterly crazy. You can give someone space without breaking up with them.

Eh, get in touch if you want but I wouldn't have too much time for someone who broke up with me at a time like that, tbh. No matter whether I wanted it at the time or not.

I think the same. Surely if you two were close at all having your support would help her at such a time.

opinion guy

you know i think we're being a little hard on him.

anyhow. i would think call her. but tbh i woulnd't hold out too much hope about things. not because i think you did something wrong or she did or whatever. more because dealing with a difficult circumstance led ye to break up. either she didn't communicate with you or you overreacted or whatever. seems to me like a stress that was too much for the relationship so i wonder if that shows an underlying problem (what i mean to say is - suppose you got back together - what happens next time someone dies ?)

anyhow i don't mean to be too negative. call her see how she is definitely. suss it out before you go professing your undying love for her or anything. just don't be too hopeful lest your hopes get dashed i think.

LegacyUser

hey thanks everyone for the replies, i appreciate everyones opinions and admit i may have made a big mistake but i honestly thought it was best for her at the time! I just didnt want to upset her even more at the time. Il leave it until this weekend to contact her and she how she is.

magneticimpulse

yeah i agree, call her and be honest! arrange to go for coffee maybe, as this would be more caring at such a time rather than phonecall. it will take more than a few weeks for her to be herself again, even 6 months to be anyway normal...depending how close this person was. could be even longer if it was parent/sibling. so just be prepared that its not going to be easy over the next few weeks. if she is upset she might want to talk to a councillor to just get her life back onto the swing of things and for her to get back into a routine. but i think you still have a chance and im sure she could do with all the company, cheering up and getting out to take her mind off things.