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Short poem I wrote

  • 14-11-2009 03:22PM
    #1
    nialljf
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 213 ✭✭


    This is intended for lyrics to a song. I'd like to hear what you think, it's hard to know what your own work is like. Thanks!

    Car, pass,
    sound is made,
    clock, tick,
    read a face.
    Snore, big brother,
    more agreed,
    new years, new times,
    books, to read.

    Yellow emerges,
    cold, dankness,
    early song,
    blue, relentless.
    Cards bet,
    drinks....
    Laughs, dry,
    hugs, I’m green.

    Home, a home,
    family, friend,
    silent town,
    believe me: I’m placed.


Comments

  • #2
    partyatmygaff
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,992 ✭✭✭✭partyatmygaff


    It doesn't really sound like a song from its structure, it sounds more like a form of abstract poem to me. It does depend on how its read though.

    For some reason it paints an image of a cold, dark winters night in a small house in scandinavia with a group of men inside playing cards and the sounds of moving cars.

    Whats did you intend it to be about?


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