Confused about a girl

unhappycamper

Okay here goes.


I asked a girl out and we had a fantastic first date, we ate in a very nice restaurant, wined and dined and then hit the opening of a new club. Happy days we even kissed and got a taxi home together.

Then we went on the infamous second date. I got good news and wanted to celebrate and I ended up drinking 2 bottles of white in an hour or so, I couldn't stand and apparently I was shouting at her! I have to say I only ever get this drunk once a year. I cut my elbow and practically fell on top of her, very sloppy.

I left a text and voice mail with her sincerely apologising for my behaviour, needless to say there was no kiss and separate taxis home (lol)...

She came to bday last night, two of her mates are going out with my mates and I invited her along also. There were a few jokes at the table about it but it was very nice to see her, I wanted to kiss her but she is difficult to read.

My cousin said that she must really like you if she came along just two days after my sloppy second date. In fact a few of my mates said she must really like me if she turned up tonight.

She is out of a 5 year long relationship (3 MONTHS OUT) and said she wants time to be single and yet she still seems keen for us to spend time together, I am confused.

After our second date out of courtesy I suggested via text that we be friends just to slow things down a bit for her sake. Now since I suggested that she seems even keener. She taught I wanted a serious relationship which I do but when I told her we can be friends she now seems more in to me. It’s like I took the pressure off her commitment level to me, reverse psychology if you like.

Does she like me? All my mates say she wouldn't of bothered coming out if she didn't but I am feeling like it's moving too slow, I am dying to get into bed with her and smash some headboards. She doesnt want a serious relationship but at the same time my friends are telling me she is into me, this sucks.

Mixed readings and mixed messages.

MIN2511

Plan a 3rd date? Not your mum's birthday.... A proper date; dvd night in & a few cans....
If she says yes, then you're in

kjl

what kind of spa are you? getting pissed like that on a second date with someone.

anyway, people who are just 3 months out of a 5 year relationship, who state from the beginning that they want to be single for a while are probably not that interested in a commitment.

She might have gone to your mom's 60th because 2 of her friends and their boyfriends were there, so dont count you chickens

mark my word, if you do get together, its going to be a thing for her to feel like she is in charge. So the whole thing may not last that long. If you want to change that you need to be the alpha dog in the relationship. That means not getting pissed as a fart and talking crap to her.

kjl

MIN2511 wrote: »

Plan a 3rd date? Not your mum's birthday.... A proper date; dvd night in & a few cans....
If she says yes, then you're in

yeah, sounds like a pretty crap date.

unhappycamper

MIN2511 wrote: »

Plan a 3rd date? Not your mum's birthday.... A proper date; dvd night in & a few cans....
If she says yes, then you're in

Yes I think a relaxed third date is probably a good idea. I just don't want to get sucked in and spat out because anyone out of a 5 year relationship has an awful lot of baggage to take care of, it's like we fancy eachother but at a time when she is not ready for anything too serious. On our second date she said I was after something more serious so in order to slow things down I suggested we be friends. I don't want her thinking she can have me whenever she likes. My mates who are going out with her best friends tell me she is into me but she is making it so hard and playing hard to get:(. I know she has to be careful and I certainly dont want to be Jonny rebound. Suppose I should just take it slow and chill and sure if someone else comes along then make a decision. On the second date I told her she had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen and she told her mates after, they told me yesterday. I wanted her to understand why I was attracted to her and lay it down thick and hard. She said it should have been left to the 6th date but thats not how I operate, I say it like it is.

unhappycamper

kjl wrote: »

what kind of spa are you? getting pissed like that on a second date with someone.

I am a total spa I was a nervous wreck before the date.

kjl wrote: »

anyway, people who are just 3 months out of a 5 year relationship, who state from the beginning that they want to be single for a while are probably not that interested in a commitment.

Agreed.

kjl wrote: »

She might have gone to your mom's 60th because 2 of her friends and their boyfriends were there, so dont count you chickens

I was told last night that she wouldn't ever be a fifth wheel when going out with her mates as she was with 2 couples last night.

kjl wrote: »

mark my word, if you do get together, its going to be a thing for her to feel like she is in charge. So the whole thing may not last that long. If you want to change that you need to be the alpha dog in the relationship. That means not getting pissed as a fart and talking crap to her.

Yes I agree it was sloppy

G-Money

unhappycamper wrote: »

I don't want her thinking she can have me whenever she likes. My mates who are going out with her best friends tell me she is into me but she is making it so hard and playing hard to get:(

Be careful here. You've already suggested being friends to take the pressure off. Just make sure she doesn't lump you in the friends zone. Also, I don't really believe in chasing a girl to the moon and back. This playing hard to get thing is just a mind game. Some will say "if he really liked me he'd pursue me" but that's just stupid. If someone isn't mature enough to let you know they like you without playing games, they're not worth your time.

There's plenty of other girls out there, there's no reason to run around like a puppy after one in particular. I'm not saying you should ditch this girl. Give things a chance, but have your dignity too and don't be dancing to her tune and most importantly, be willing to walk away if needed.

unhappycamper

grandmaster wrote: »

Be careful here. You've already suggested being friends to take the pressure off. Just make sure she doesn't lump you in the friends zone. Also, I don't really believe in chasing a girl to the moon and back. This playing hard to get thing is just a mind game. Some will say "if he really liked me he'd pursue me" but that's just stupid. If someone isn't mature enough to let you know they like you without playing games, they're not worth your time.

There's plenty of other girls out there, there's no reason to run around like a puppy after one in particular. I'm not saying you should ditch this girl. Give things a chance, but have your dignity too and don't be dancing to her tune and most importantly, be willing to walk away if needed.

+1

Spot on.

magneticimpulse

Ok 1st thing that in my mind. You get drunk on 2nd date...very stupid, no matter what the occassion its a no go. Plus your "i cant wait to get her into bed and smash some headboards" comment...really turned me off you. So hopefully your more of a gentleman in real life! Because comments like that certainly wont attract anyone.

Considering you do seem to like her. Well her coming out of a 5 year relationship! Is that a bad thing? Ive just had a 9 month relationship...id rather be able to say to guys...yes i was in a 5 year relationship...yes someone didnt think i was psycho and wanted to date me that long. Being in a long term relationship, actually has more benefits then meeting a girl who has been single for a very long time. Im the forever single person. Whereas my friends go from long term relationship...3 month break...to another long term relationship. I dont know what their secret is. But they obvisously know how a relationship works...whereas a single person hasnt a clue. So its very much a positive.

Also dont play these silly mind games. Shes been in a relationship and last thing she needs to say things is inmature mind games. Be honest. Dont say you want to be just friends if you want more. Rather dont say anything at all.

[-0-]

It's pretty obvious to me that she just wants to take things slow and doesn't want to rush into another relationship... she just came out of a 5 year one! Did she end it or was she dumped?

Take it nice and slow, be the perfect gentleman... after a few weeks of that she'll either decide you are worth it or you should just stay friends.

MIN2511

We all make mistakes and are human, don't let that second date affect you. If she isn't into you, there are more fishes in the sea!

Honestly, i think there's pressure on both of ye to make things work.... Her best friends are going out with your mates, seems like a little community there...
I know they want what's best for ye, but stay outside the box... Do things together and not as a group...

unhappycamper

[-0-] wrote: »

It's pretty obvious to me that she just wants to take things slow and doesn't want to rush into another relationship... she just came out of a 5 year one! Did she end it or was she dumped?

Take it nice and slow, be the perfect gentleman... after a few weeks of that she'll either decide you are worth it or you should just stay friends.

She ended it with him, thanks for the advice

unhappycamper

MIN2511 wrote: »

We all make mistakes and are human, don't let that second date affect you. If she isn't into you, there are more fishes in the sea!

Honestly, i think there's pressure on both of ye to make things work.... Her best friends are going out with your mates, seems like a little community there...
I know they want what's best for ye, but stay outside the box... Do things together and not as a group...

Yes there is a bit of that going, thanks for the advice

unhappycamper

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Ok 1st thing that in my mind. You get drunk on 2nd date...very stupid, no matter what the occassion its a no go. Plus your "i cant wait to get her into bed and smash some headboards" comment...really turned me off you. So hopefully your more of a gentleman in real life! Because comments like that certainly wont attract anyone.

Considering you do seem to like her. Well her coming out of a 5 year relationship! Is that a bad thing? Ive just had a 9 month relationship...id rather be able to say to guys...yes i was in a 5 year relationship...yes someone didnt think i was psycho and wanted to date me that long. Being in a long term relationship, actually has more benefits then meeting a girl who has been single for a very long time. Im the forever single person. Whereas my friends go from long term relationship...3 month break...to another long term relationship. I dont know what their secret is. But they obvisously know how a relationship works...whereas a single person hasnt a clue. So its very much a positive.

Also dont play these silly mind games. Shes been in a relationship and last thing she needs to say things is inmature mind games. Be honest. Dont say you want to be just friends if you want more. Rather dont say anything at all.

Thanks for taking the to reply, sorry about the "i cant wait to get her into bed and smash some headboards" I was kidding but it's rude I apologize. Mind games are silly I agree but the ball was in her court which I didn't mind until she started saying I want a girlfriend. She is really nice and she was very cool for coming along last night, I am going to drop her a text now. Thanks for the advice

daisybelle2008

You give two different reasons for drinking 2 bottles of wine in an hour. In the first post it was because you were celebrating good news and in the second it was to settle your nerves.

Drinking like that, the blackout, your reasons and your behaviour seem like something you should be more concerned with then just how you get the girl in the sack..

TBH I think there is something wrong with someone who would want to have anything to do with you after your behaviour.

unhappycamper

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

You give two different reasons for drinking 2 bottles of wine in an hour. In the first post it was because you were celebrating good news and in the second it was to settle your nerves.

Drinking like that, the blackout, your reasons and your behaviour seem like something you should be more concerned with then just how you get the girl in the sack..

TBH I think there is something wrong with someone who would want to have anything to do with you after your behaviour.

Look I admit I was stupid, it was completely my fault. I haven't dated in nearly a year.

MIN2511

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

You give two different reasons for drinking 2 bottles of wine in an hour. In the first post it was because you were celebrating good news and in the second it was to settle your nerves.

Drinking like that, the blackout, your reasons and your behaviour seem like something you should be more concerned with then just how you get the girl in the sack..

TBH I think there is something wrong with someone who would want to have anything to do with you after your behaviour.

Ah common, give the guy a break!

He's no saint!

Tbh, he's asking if he has any chance with the girl... IMO, he does and he just needs to cross his t's and dot his i's and he's fine...

We all drink, we are all guilty of the one to many, no one is perfect!

spoutwell

Its touch and go. I've been in similar situations. Whatever chance you have, you have none if you get drunk. Don't go near wine. I used to drink beer and then to be cool drink wine on a date and end up in situations like yours. Wine is way too strong.
You could take a chance and not drink at all - or the wateriest beer you can find.
Looking back I lost so many good chances simply by making a pillock of myself when drunk. Would you go near a drunken woman?
I'd be recommending a vow of abstinence (from alcohol) as a shot in the dark. You'll see a different side of her, and she'll see a different side of you. And at least you won't collapse on top of her.
Also you're not going to do much damage(to the headboards) after 2 bottles of wine (except to your self-esteem).