Curse - People just don't like me????

Wilba

Hi all,

I haven't posted on here for a while but wanted to give a basic rundown and wanting to see if the same has happened to other people and if it has, how did you deal with it.

Basically I feel as if the world (without knowing me on a personal level) just despises me. For example in a bus, strangers give me evils and most of the time don't even want to sit next to me.

Another time, me and a friend went to a clothing store and it was our first time in this city as well. When we went in, I asked a female assistant about a belt they had in display. I swear for the entire time she served me she didn't really want to help me,avoided eye contact and just didn't want to be anywhere near me. She then served my friend and it was a completely different story-been curtious and even sharing a few laughs.

In college,in a cafe or at the grocery store it's the same thing....it even happened overseas. Me and my mum were in another country and whenever we went to a shopping centre everyone was so attentive with her, even young people, but whenever i wanted to engage, people just didn't want to even look me in the eye...so I thought what the????

I know this is not in my head...I have honestly decided that the person I am is just what people despise and even my some of my closest friends have said..."man, that person was rude to you hey".

So has anything like this happened to you before and if it has, do you feel that's just life or that in order for the world to be happy some people are always unhappy and one of those people is you? I don't have many friends because of this and girlfriends, well, it doesn't even come in the equation.

I'm of African/Caribbean and Native American descent,slim, fitness freak,love sports, 6 feet 2" tall,in college,love other cultures, all types of music and basically a humble person if that qualifies as something people just don't like.

Thanks in advance everyone. Cheers

LegacyUser

Hey Wilba

Ok, without actually having seen you in person or interacted with you, two things struck me about your situation. The first one is your appearance - you sound very striking looking, and not the norm at least here in Ireland (not sure where you are, forgot to check before I started typing) - maybe it's not the case that people don't like you, more that they feel a little intimidated? To draw on my own experience of this: I did used to think people didn't like me based on the kind of thing you describe, suspicious looks, awkward interactions etc. and eventually some friends pointed out that people found me hard to approach. I'm female, and where I wouldn't call myself a stunner, I always kept fit and dressed nicely on nights out, plus I was quiet and reserved (shy, really) while the other girls around me would have been quite boisterous etc. Point is I was different.

Wilba wrote: »

do you feel that's just life or that in order for the world to be happy some people are always unhappy and one of those people is you?

That's the second thing. In this world, it's wrong to think that there's only so much happiness to go around. You're just as entitled to feel happy as the next guy.

Thing is - are you caught in a cycle of awkwardness and negativity, ie. do you expect negative reactions from people before you even interact with them? Because that can show, despite your best efforts. Do you approach people with a smile, and your head held high? I would say work on your confidence - even if you don't feel confident, act confident. Even if the person seems rude and discourteous - smile at them and thank them for their help, it makes a huge difference, trust me. All I can say is that if they're still rude, that says more about them than it does about you.

dny123456

Wilba wrote: »

I'm of African/Caribbean and Native American descent,slim, fitness freak,love sports, 6 feet 2" tall,in college,love other cultures, all types of music and basically a humble person if that qualifies as something people just don't like.

Thanks in advance everyone. Cheers

I'd say they might be intimidated by you, rather than dislike you. 6ft2 is pretty big to be honest. You are a fitness freak... I wonder are you muscular?

mood

Everyone comes across rude people - maybe they are have a bad day, maybe someone close to them is seriously ill or maybe they are just rude. It is probably nothing to do with you.

Just be yourself, smile etc and don't even waste time thinking about it. Life is too short.

Wilba

Bumping an old thread.

thanks to all who replied...I appreciate your responses.

to date, nothing has changed, everything is pretty much the same and i have come to accept that i am simply meant to be alone in life and that is my role, i must accept it.

Unreglady: thing is...it's not in my head. A lot of people who were my friends at the time told me:"dude that person was rude to you huh" or "she was pissed hey". I even remember one of my other friends actually told off a person cos she thought she was too angry towards me.

I'm not after sympathy here....it's just that after being treated like this everyday it's hard to remain postive about life. I have done the smile at rude people before and it never has worked.

dny123456: i am not muscular...just lean, fit.

mood: those people have always acted rude towards me....it wasn't just one day. One of the girls from the store came to my University and even enrolled in one of the courses I was doing. Everytime she saw me it was always that stuck up face.

No need to become sad about it anymore, I just accepted it but if someone else had or is having similar stories, please post it on here.

Cheers

nyarlothothep

You're taking experiences that stick in your mind and universalizing them, its a logical fallacy. Also Irish people have a rep for being rude. Dealing with rude people? Don't be nice to them, don't get down to their level either, just be indifferent to their behaviour.

LegacyUser

hey, im sorry youy feel this way i hope people start being nicer to you.

i feel the same way a little, in that certain types of people ignore me once theyve even had a little conversation with me .
im come across as daydreamy, strange, a bit weird.
has happened allmy life and the ppl who are rude are people i wouldnt like anyway so it doesnt bother me anymore.
still strange though.

i think maybe they are imtimidated, or jealous even? did you mentiuon if your male or female?
maybe if you are female they are intimidated by your height, assicaiate it with models or stuck-up-ness and are instinctively stuck up ( however wrongly) back?

peekyboo

could be way off here (i'm guessing you're male, i'm female) but sounds like they fancy you?? You sound quite striking & i know whenever i see someone i fancy i actively turn away from them. I'm not a young immature teenager either, usually i'm quite confident!! There's just something about goodlooking men...

cafecolour

I'd say it's a combination of factors:

Is this in Ireland I assume? Well, to be blunt, many folks here don't necessarily have that much experience with folks of different races, and that could be causing them to act differently, even unintentionally. I had a black friend visit me from the US and some (not all) of my friends reactions were odd. Nothing exactly rude, but almost bemused that there was an actual black person in the room with them. Have you had the same reaction in more diverse places?

You also may be focusing on specific instances and ignoring others. For instance, you only seem to refer to women in your post. Perhaps you are remembering reactions from women you found somewhat attractive - and their reaction will sting even more - but missing perfectly friendly reactions from people you aren't as interested in yourself.

LegacyUser

I have a similar life!
I am english but am tanned and european looking (spanish,italian) goodlooking..

I have no problems with alot of people, and this is mainly due to me working on myself and my confidence, its almost as if peopole expect you to have more confidence because you look different.
im naturally shy, reserved so its been hell for me throughout my life, not to mention not being brought up to communicate with people properly.. so i think it could be a number of factors with yourself, although im sure its probably confidence issues.

speak to your doctor,they will help.tell them what is going on in there cos they are the only ones that can help properly.

I feel like that a lot too. And it's not in my head. The other day, I went with a few friends to enquire about evening courses. My friend went before me, and the woman was lovely to her. I went after, asking for the exact same course and she was a total b*tch. Like, really nasty. The rest of my friends commented on it (the woman hadn't realised I was with my mate and that there was a whole gang of us outside the door, within earshot). I hadn't done anything to annoy her, hadn't said anything rude, or had a rude attitude. We were all really bemused.

I usually get scowls and whatever in shops as well. I really have no idea why. I'm not rude or ignorant or arrogant, I'm even a little shy if anything. A lot of the time I say hello and the person working doesn't answer me, which to me is beyond ignorant. It's so weird. I'd think it was in my head if other people didn't comment on it too. Strangely enough, I also look 'foreign'. And also, in 95% of cases, the person being rude is another woman. I know it's not my personality because in most cases, I hadn't even said anything. I'm always getting barked at and scowled at by air hostesses and people like that, while other people get politeness and respect. Don't really give it much thought, to be honest. If they want to be rude and ignorant, let them. I can see how it would really affect someone who already had low self esteem or image issues, but it really is their problem.

theg81der

Very hard to tell whats going on here. I think it could be a racial issue - and I say that as a half african woman. I get this alot too and for no reason, I`m a really nice friendly person. I even get followed by security guards in shops, friends have noticed and my husband thinks its hilarious. My personal opinion is it a very basic instinct something about the smell of genes.

That said, its up to you the way you cope with this. You have friends so your not completely alone. Maybe try doing some research into positive body language and colours. Smile and be friendly so you know its not you and after that your mind is at ease. Take your head to a positive place don`t dwell on negatives.

Wilba

Thanks all for your input.

Yeah, I forgot to mention....I live in Australia and I am male.

cafecolour: No, I don't just cop it from females...i get it from Blokes too. One of the store assistants was a male and that's where my friend (who is a female) noticed he was being rude to me whilst maintaining conversation and eye contact with her....yet i was the person purchasing the item there. I am not the type of person who tries to be nicer to hot women or people who might seem cool...I try to treat everyone the same on any given day whilst disregarding their appearance etc.....

Kyra Plain Slipper: It's nice to hear stories from peole who have experienced a smiliar case and by what you've said I surely know it's now,not in my head. I too have tried the smiling in every place approach and i am not kidding I have been asked if I have had issues or if I'm weird after been seen by other people after smiling...it seems as if there's no way out at times....ah well.

theg81der: Yeah, I really don't want to think it is a race issue and basically because at this day and age I would expect that sort of stuff to be well dead but realistically who knows now hey? I've also had people following me in stores - similar to what you've said. Could it be that people in general have a pre-programmed perception and attitude of each race in life? I.E. having an attitude towards an Indian person different from an Asian person? And so just because they/ve had a negative experience with a particular race then all of us who belong to that race must suffer quite simply because we look similar?

No one knows but I hope that whoever is experiencing something similar to this doesn't give up and quit...we can all get through this.

Kev37

Wilba wrote: »

Thanks all for your input.

Yeah, I forgot to mention....I live in Australia and I am male.

Bingo. Most Australians probably think your aboriginal who have a reputation for trouble and aren't very liked in Australia.

Nulty

Kev37 wrote: »

Bingo. Most Australians probably think your aboriginal who have a reputation for trouble and aren't very liked in Australia.

Yeah, there are quite a few racists in Australia. I met plenty (one nut bar in particular)

I'd like to ask the OP what accent you have. And also, if your from the States, is their reaction different when they hear you speak (knowing your not aboriginal-Australian)

Wilba

Hahaha....I don't think things are that baddd between Aboriginals and Caucasians for it to come to that.

Nulty: No, I'm not from the US and I pretty much have an Aussie accent but also with a slight foreign accent. I am originally from Central America and came to oz when I was 3 years old so I pretty much grew up with people from here.

To be honest those that have gotten to know me, become somewhat amazed to have bumped into someone who isn't Caucasian etc. but it is only after I have engaged into conversation with them. No conversation with them and things would probably have remained the same.

Nulty

Wilba wrote: »

Hahaha....I don't think things are that baddd between Aboriginals and Caucasians for it to come to that.

Nulty: No, I'm not from the US and I pretty much have an Aussie accent but also with a slight foreign accent. I am originally from Central America and came to oz when I was 3 years old so I pretty much grew up with people from here.

To be honest those that have gotten to know me, become somewhat amazed to have bumped into someone who isn't Caucasian etc. but it is only after I have engaged into conversation with them. No conversation with them and things would probably have remained the same.

I don't know, depends on where in Australia you live. Outside the big cities, Aboriginals are pretty run down, neglected and regarded as sub-citizens - whether we like it or not. They have a bad rep outside cities (and inside cities)

Chinafoot

Nulty wrote: »

I don't know, depends on where in Australia you live. Outside the big cities, Aboriginals are pretty run down, neglected and regarded as sub-citizens - whether we like it or not. They have a bad rep outside cities (and inside cities)

I find it hard to believe that any Australian (or anyone who has been in Australia for any length of time) would confuse someone of Afro/Carribbean and Native American descent with an Aboriginal. Anyone who does is a simpleton and not worth your time tbh.

dellas1979

How would you describe yourself physically? (hahaha sorry that sounded funny, its just for next question below).
Are you a smily person or a scouly/pouty person? I for example would unintentionally be the latter (I can look pissed off etc just concentrating on something), while other people have a natural smily face disposition.

Are you quiet or out-going? Has anyone ever found you intimidating looks-wise before? I think you should ask your female friend some of the questions about yourself. Sometimes it is good to get an outside perspective from someone who knows you.

nehpets10

Wilba wrote: »

Hi all,

I haven't posted on here for a while but wanted to give a basic rundown and wanting to see if the same has happened to other people and if it has, how did you deal with it.

Basically I feel as if the world (without knowing me on a personal level) just despises me. For example in a bus, strangers give me evils and most of the time don't even want to sit next to me.

Another time, me and a friend went to a clothing store and it was our first time in this city as well. When we went in, I asked a female assistant about a belt they had in display. I swear for the entire time she served me she didn't really want to help me,avoided eye contact and just didn't want to be anywhere near me. She then served my friend and it was a completely different story-been curtious and even sharing a few laughs.

In college,in a cafe or at the grocery store it's the same thing....it even happened overseas. Me and my mum were in another country and whenever we went to a shopping centre everyone was so attentive with her, even young people, but whenever i wanted to engage, people just didn't want to even look me in the eye...so I thought what the????

I know this is not in my head...I have honestly decided that the person I am is just what people despise and even my some of my closest friends have said..."man, that person was rude to you hey".

So has anything like this happened to you before and if it has, do you feel that's just life or that in order for the world to be happy some people are always unhappy and one of those people is you? I don't have many friends because of this and girlfriends, well, it doesn't even come in the equation.

I'm of African/Caribbean and Native American descent,slim, fitness freak,love sports, 6 feet 2" tall,in college,love other cultures, all types of music and basically a humble person if that qualifies as something people just don't like.

Thanks in advance everyone. Cheers

From only reading your post you sound awesome!

haha, only messing. Just forget about people like that. Yeah, it probably feels crap when it happens and it has probably happened to most people at some stage but just shrug it off. You know you're not a bad person and therefore you know the people judging you are wrong. Haters gonna hate.

dawvee

I get this reaction sometimes. Once I even had a woman *growl* at me while I was just waiting for a train. In my case, I've asked people and it came down to the fact that I just don't emote much, if at all. My face is like stone, and I have to make a really conscious effort to show any emotion. It's not even that I'm trying to put up a mask or anything, I've just always been like that. Was shocked to see a home movie from my 7th birthday, and my expression didn't change once.

When I think of it I can emote to some extent, but it doesn't come naturally at all like it seems to for most people, so I have to 1) remember to do it, and 2) have the energy to put into it, because it gets tiring quickly. Not necessarily saying this is what you're experiencing, but your experience sounds eerily similar to mine, and a lack of 'natural' facial expressions seems to be what's behind it for me.