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unsure how to deal with this....

  • 13-11-2009 01:54AM
    #1
    unclecessna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭


    This is pretty trivial so apologies but I would appreciate and like to hear others thoughts on what to do here.

    I'm a guy mid-20's and used to go to a restaurant that closed recently near me fairly often. There was a girl who worked there who I used to chat to a little bit, nice girl, friendly but not really my type. Not to be big-headed here but I could kinda tell she liked me.

    So just prior to the place going bust she was pretty down about losing her job naturally enough. To cheer her up a bit and to say goodbye/thanks I got her some flowers, gave them to her at the place and she was very happy.

    Afterwards I thought she probably might have got the wrong idea about my motive but I figured I wouldn't be seeing her again anyway so that was that.

    The other day I walk into a cafe in town and she is there. She comes over, thanks me again for the flowers and said that she would like to buy me a drink sometime and with that she gives me a piece of paper with her name and number.

    Now on the one hand I would like to meet up in a friendship capacity for a drink with her but in doing so I could end up just leading her on and that wouldn't be fair to her.(perhaps unwittingly I already did so with the flowers)

    On the other hand there is the possibility I have just been reading into this way too much and she may only want to just meet for a drink and nothing more - though I am doubtful about that.

    The ball is in my court and I don't know exactly what to do here....


Comments

  • #2
    TheCommy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭TheCommy


    I would say this girl definetley likes you and has gotten the wrong end of the stick. If I were u I would just leave things as they are. If you reallly do want to be her friend and nothing more then I would wait a few weeks - until the exitement of her waiting for u to contact her has worn off and she has realised that u aren't interested in that way and then maybe text her and ask how the new job is or something casual?

    Or just leave her be....I deffo wouldn't be calling or texting her anytime soon...


  • #3
    Satyr_The_Great
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 261 ✭✭Satyr_The_Great


    TheCommy wrote: »
    I would say this girl definetley likes you and has gotten the wrong end of the stick. If I were u I would just leave things as they are. If you reallly do want to be her friend and nothing more then I would wait a few weeks - until the exitement of her waiting for u to contact her has worn off and she has realised that u aren't interested in that way and then maybe text her and ask how the new job is or something casual?

    Or just leave her be....I deffo wouldn't be calling or texting her anytime soon...
    Not necessarily true, I have found myself in the same situation as the op a few times, the girls acted the same as what the op described. DId i like these girls? They were gorgeous yes but not my type. BUT these have now ended up as 3 of my best friends and wouldnt change it for anything.
    OP if you want to sort it, then call her up, go for a coffee, chat, and explain the situation to her. It might be hard in the beginning but she WILL get used to it and ye cud end up like me and get a kick ass friend out of it,,


  • #4
    thefeatheredcat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,282 ✭✭✭thefeatheredcat


    Firstly OP I think it was really sweet of you to give her the flowers to cheer her up. If she was a bit down she could have interpreted as something else, or nothing at all.

    Buying someone a drink as a thank you is fine, but sure wouldn't she have bought you a coffee/muffin or something instead as a thank you?

    She could be looking for something more, but then, there's only one way of finding out.


  • #5
    SheRa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭SheRa


    You bought her flowers to say goodbye. Ok that was a really nice thought but I would def see that as a come on as I suspect would most women.

    I think that it would be cruel to meet up with her when she obivously likes you and you aren't interested in her (in that way). I do think that you should text her so as not to leave her hanging though. Maybe something like " there's no need to thank me, I wanted just wanted to cheer you up and say bye" and leave it at that.


  • #6
    unclecessna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭unclecessna


    Hi OP here,

    Well thanks for the comments, They have all been useful and I have taken something different from each of them.

    In retrospect I probably overstepped the line with the flowers but like I said I didn't expect this to pan out the way that it has and at the time I just wanted to do something nice for the girl.

    I am inclined to just leave it be and do nothing but in fairness to the girl it might be better to just straighten things out with her by sending a brief text - obviously tactfully - letting her know the situation.

    It's been a few days now since she gave me her details so I wouldn't say she is too hopeful at this stage anyway.

    The bad thing here is recently the situation has always been the reverse for me i.e. me being more interested in a girl who is not so interested in return - so I know how it feels to be the person who is let down and it doesn't feel good unfortunately...


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  • #7
    Nervous Wreck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Nervous Wreck


    I dunno, I think if you let her know that you're just interested in friendship, you can still meet and hang out. The easiest way to do this is, I reckon, to imply that it's a silly notion for her to like you any more. I.e. say that you're not looking for anything romantic and then say "haha, actually that makes me sound so bigheaded, I doubt you were even thinking of anything romantic anyway but I just thought I should let you know that I'm not just tryin to get stuck in; I actually do wanna be mates!"


  • #8
    fend
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 661 ✭✭✭fend


    I say whats the harm in it?
    If you want to keep it friendly, don't phone her, instead go back in to the cafe, have a bit of a chat with her again. Make out you put her number in your phone but misplaced your phone. Give her your number instead.

    That way balls in her court again.

    Arrange the details of when and where you'll go. That way, you strike out the notion that you are coming on to her by phoning her and ask her out, almost on a "date". Ask her in person, keep it light hearted.

    If you do end up going for the drinks, again, keep it light hearted. Nothing to steep or heavy. End it on you giving her your number. If she calls you, then hey presto, you know she's interested. Take it one day at a time.


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