Third year in college, still a virgin and afraid to tell guy I like

emmajanesc

hi,

i'm not sure if this is the right forum for this, please tell me if it isn't.. i know this might sound silly but i need a bit of help on this one and i have no one to talk to about this..

so i'm in third year in college and i'm 20 but i'm still a virgin.. the problem is that over the last year or so i've liked a few guys but i'm too afraid to tell them i'm a virgin..i feel as though i've let it go too far now and that i shouldnt really be a virgin in third year..none of my close friends especiallly at home know this, and they often try set me up with people! i seem to be too embarrassed about it to tell anyone..

Last year my friend's friend and i used be flirting, we ended up just kissing and fooling around a bit just the very last week of college and i would loved to have slept with him,i liked him for ages, but i really just couldn't tell him i was a virgin...he is very popular and he sleeps with lots of girls including one of my housemates(just for a bit over the summer) and told me he lost his virginity when he was 15...

anyway,now again a lad in fourth year has started serenading me pretty much..he is very good looking and i do really like him, but he is very much a lads lad and a complete messer!:) i would be very embarrassed telling him i am a virgin, he's bit of a player! i've been thinking about him a lot,he has been texting me a bit over the last few weeks, but again we have mutual friends and if it didnt go well or i did anything stupid they might hear.. i dont know if i can trust his discretion... anyway i presume he is not looking for a relationship really i dont know if he would be patient with me, i feel like i might just need someone who really likes me and is willing to just take things slowly...i wouldnt like to have to ask this guy to take things slowly, i think i might be asking too much of him when i dont even know if he likes me that much..he flirts with everyone in general:)

really everyone thinks i'm a party girl,i have a nice college friends, usually go out once a week in college and every saturday, and also play a good bit of gaa...i am very very shy around guys i like, (I completely freeze up and go very quiet talking to them!) and i think somehow only 1 of my 3 housemates might realise i am a virgin eventhough they are my best friends, as i lived with randomers in first year when i didnt really know anyone, and i lived in a small 3 bedroom apt last year with 2 different friends..i seem to hang around with different groups of friends ie sports team friends, home friends(i am in college far away from home but go home nearly every weekend) and people i lived with last year,and those in my class inluding my current room mates. i really never showed much interest in having a boyfriend, i'm generally always busy, i usually train about 4 nights a week so i was never really bored or looking for a boyfriend...

i'm getting fairly down about this especially now i;m the only one in my house without a boyfriend..it seems like i play sport where everone else has some form of love life..if i leave this guy go i dont know when i'll find someone i like again...i've only liked 3 guys since i was 17, one in 6th year, that guy last year and now this guy so really i prob shouldnt leave it off... i am just afraid of embarrassing myself,i'm really clueless about sex i get nervous.. had a very rural irish upbringing:)..i often feel like i should just go out and get smashed and just try sleep with someone so i can just get this monkey off my back..sorry for the poor structure and all my rambling... looking forward to replies, thanks:)

Moomoo1

I wouldn't really advise going for randomers or for known 'players'. You don't sound like this is the sort of thing you are after.

You say you only liked 3 people since you were 17. Why so few (as presumably you meet lots of people your day to day life)?

Is it the case the people ask you out and you refuse because you don't fancy them, or is it the case that no one seems to be interested in you?

emmajanesc

am sorry ya i know its strange.. i dont know why really,i have lots of guy friends and 3 brothers 23,22 and 18 i'm close to all of them its not like i dont know many boys.. and i wouldnt say lots of guys like me like,but i'm not stuck like,in fairness lads chance everyone they see on college nights out and that...i'm not bad looking,really just average.. am i just never seem to really like guys that way.. ya o know randomers wont work too at all....

Bottle_of_Smoke

I don't think it would matter if you did but... why do you need to tell them? Its not like you have AIDS or something.

Contessa Raven

If you play sports there's a good chance that your hymen is already broken (not definite but possible) and if it is, the guy probably won't realise your a virgin. Check to see if you can see it or feel it.

If it is still intact then you'll probably have to tell your first time lover that you're a virgin because it will probably hurt (again not definite but more often than not it does) and he'll need to go gently.

Also, there's nothing wrong at all with being a virgin at 20. I was a virgin until I was 20. No big deal. I understand it can make you feel "different" from everyone else but honestly not everyone's off riding everyone else. It will probably be better and nicer to wait until you trust the person to be discreet and considerate of your feelings rather than losing it to a "player".

muboop1

Firstly,
what do you want?

A boyfriend?

Lose virginity?

You need to examine your motives behind these i feel.

Is this just because its expected of you? or everyone else has one?

If thats all it is then you should not get one tbh...

Figure out your reasons. If its just you want to have someone to share yourself with or whatever then go for it. Else it might not be worth it and may be something you could regret.

Also, as far as sleeping with a bf... he won't care if virgin. He might actually like it.

If hes shallow enough to care he's not worth it simply. If he care for you and as your bf he will take the time to get used to it for you and go slowly etc...

If you just feel you are ready to lose your virginity and do not mind to much on circumstance or relationship with the guy. (be careful about this. You might not be up for it etc...)

Then go for it. If you want a randomer, feck it go for it. If you want a memorable first time go with someone you are close to, or like or something with someone you trust who will go slow with you... find someone who is close to you that you trust etc...

Main point is, this is something for you.
Share it with who you want, but do it only on terms that you are comfortable with!

i hope any of that is legible or helpful...

LegacyUser

Op you've defo not let it 'go too far' at all!! You're no age! I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20 and actually I was in third year of college too! I starting seeing a guy and told him after the third time that we met up that I was a virgin, just in conversation. I didn't care that I was a virgin and he didn't care either, didn't think it was weird at all! Made is so much easier when we did sleep together soon after, because he was gentle and patient, instead of just hammering away!

The main thing is, don't be rushed into sleeping with him, if he's a 'player' and is too impatient, maybe he's not worth your time. A lot of people are in too much of a rush to lose their virginity to 'get it out of the way', just go at your own pace. There is no prescribed age when you should 'no longer be a virgin'. You've loads of time and you're only a young 'un yet! I'm almost a decade older than you and I've friends who are still virgins, no shame!

LegacyUser

God I could've written this when I was 20!! I thought everyone had had sex and that I was the only one who hadnt, which of course wasn't true. And i was always out partying, kissing boys etc, but it was something that just didn't happen til quite late - I was 23 in the end. I got very depressed about it ultimately (this will sound nuts but I actually had a mini breakdown about it on my 23rd birthday because I felt like a freak) and lost it to a total player. I didn't tell him that I was a virgin. I would say just dont tell a guy that you're a virgin and just get it done and out of the way. I know its not a great way to view it and that in an ideal world we would all have perfect boyfriends who we could be open and honest with but I know in my situation, even though I lost it to a total pr*ck, i felt like a weight was lifted from me and it gave me confidence with guys that I didn't have before. I've been with a few guys since (I'm 26) and I'm so glad I didn't leave losing my virginity any longer as it was beginning to seriously affect my life.

Denerick

Ahhhh!!!

Pet peeve NO.1. People who worry about still being a virgin at 20, 21, 25 etc. Why do you let this worry you so much? **** society and its promiscous degeneration. Find someone you love (Or failing that, fancy) and make sure its right. Getting down over it is the most tragic thing that can happen and if you ask me accounts for most of the suicides in this world.

OP, You are 20 and still a virgin. It is an honourable thing, don't be ashamed of it. Its other peoples fault if they find it amusing - in short, **** them!

LegacyUser

I_was_the_same wrote: »

I would say just dont tell a guy that you're a virgin and just get it done and out of the way.

This is dreadful advice, and hardly a mature approach to losing your virginity. This may have worked for you but for many people (including me) losing your virginity can be uncomfortable if not downright painful. Having some guy banging away like a mad eejit totally oblivious to the possible pain he's causing is NOT a good way to start your sex life.

OP take it at your own pace and don't do anything you'll regret after

LegacyUser

I don't think it's dreadful advice, just realistic. I take your point that for some people it is very painful the first time, but for the majority it is not that painful (I have spoken with many girlfriends about this and only one of my friends said that it was really painful). I dont want the op to be unduly worried about it being that painful when chances are it probably won't be that bad. I know many girls who didn't tell a guy it was their first time and there was no problem at all.

I'm just saying that I know what it feels like to have losing your virginity feel like such a burden. Getting rid of it helped me so much in terms of confidence. I have a lovely boyfriend now and I know had i been a virgin when i met him we wouldnt be where we are now because i would have been so worried about losing it. I know it shouldn't be this way but it is. Op there is so much pressure nowadays to lose it and if you feel that it is a burden just get it done and over with. It sounds like you have lots of lads after you, go out and have some fun!! It's one of my regrets that i was so overly anxious about losing the 'V plates' that I missed out on having some fun myself.

neuro-praxis

Everything that needed to be said has been said. But I would just like to add:

Never have sex with someone you don't trust.

It's a good rule for life.

foxyboxer

I lost it to a total pr*ck

Hahahahahaha!!!!!

OP, don't fret so much. If you like someone and they treat you with respect. Then it doesn't take a lot for a man to realise your ready. Not everyone is at it all the time! Don't treat it as a big deal. Sex is meant to be a fun activity after all. If you like the guy you fancy, who in turn fancies you then just take him in your arms and gently kiss his face. If he doesn't take the hint then he's :rolleyes:.. oh and use protection!!!

LegacyUser

I decided to loose my virginity at 19 and did just that, that very night in fact, to a (hot) randomer that I dated for a few weeks after but didn't want. Yes it hurt but I was delighted with myself and I don't think having a less than romantic first go has blighted my life in any way!

OP, if you want a boyfriend - which you probably do - just date for awhile first. There is nothing wrong with delaying intercourse for a few weeks/months while you explore all the OTHER stuff you can do and he will probably be chuffed that he's your first. Nothing to be embarassed about. In fact, play up the fact that you're a virgin!

If you just want to loose it thats ok too but pick someone nice.

waitinforatrain

I can't believe I'm the first to say this - any guy would be delighted to hear that!