I think my boyfriend is depressed and I don't know what to do.

LegacyUser

Hi there

I really need some help with my boyfriend. I think he's depressed and I don't know how to handle it.

We get on really well, but lately he has been really down. He's unemployed over a year now, and although he was looking for the first 6 months, he has completely given up now.

We have bills and although I can afford to pay two thirds of them as I am working, I can't pay the other third. He wants to contribute but its literally taking up all his dole money and its eating away at him.

His car is off the road now so he has even lost that.

He doesnt like to talk about his situation, but when he does he says that he doesn't want to be in Ireland anymore and that he feels **** because his life has no direction.

I get about 5 minutes conversation out of him about this before he gets so wound up about his situation that he no longer wants to talk about it.

I just feel like a waste of space to him lately. I also suffer from depression, but am currently in a good place mentally. I try to treat him the way I wanted to be treated when I was depressed, but that just seems to be making matters worse.

Neither of us have any money so we can't go anywhere. We can't hang out in my place for reasons unrelated and we can in his place, only he doesn't want to be there, so this ends up in ages spent driving around in circles going nowhere leading to more frustration. I have suggested the cinema but he hates films, we watch the tv but EVERYTHING pisses him off. He's getting really snappy at his friends and he politely threw me out of the house this evening.

I'm so upset and frustrated that I can't seem to help him, he's obviously depressed, I have caught him looking up depression online, but when I talk about it he gets very defensive and tells me theres nothing wrong with him. On a good day the best I can get it "I probably am depressed but I won't go to anyone about it"

I'm sure I probably havent been clear enough as I'm writing this in a daze to be honest.

You read the figures about male suicides being so high because they won't talk to anyone. I could never forgive myself for failing him (although I know people will write saying I wouldn't be failing him but yes I would. He saved me, he guided me back from the brink, so why can't I do the same for him)

Thanks for reading.

Nevyn

Firstly only a dr can say if he's depressed or not, if he's having trouble coping will he go see his gp?

You can't fix him or how he's feeling or the hole he finds himself in, you can just support him and if he can't talk to you about it all then maybe suggest he goes and talk talks to his dr about it.

Taltos

Thaedydal wrote: »

Firstly only a dr can say if he's depressed or not, if he's having trouble coping will he go see his gp?

You can't fix him or how he's feeling or the hole he finds himself in, you can just support him and if he can't talk to you about it all then maybe suggest he goes and talk talks to his dr about it.

+1

Just be there for him. Don't try to force a talk or keep pushing him to explain what is wrong. When he is ready / able to talk trust that he will - you might just even say that to him "I am here for you" - leave it at that.
In terms of being unemployed now for a year - I was unemployed in the 90s for 9 mts - really bad period. Problem is that after a while it seems like there is no way out.
He might just need a new focus.
> FAS course (helped me)
> Volunteering (suggested this on other threads)
>> dog pounds
>> catteries
>> local groups
> education
> sports - jogging is a great way to burn up stress - all you need is the road and a decent pair of runners

Just having something to get up for really does help you, as well as helping prospective employers see that you were active.
Maybe just see if he will go to a local pound with you at the weekend to walk the dogs or something.

But - please be careful here - if he is down and feels that you are interferring it might upset him - so approach it gently.