what shall i do??

_Mav_

i dont know where to start on this but here goes....
well recently i was seeing this girl, we had been friends for a while and then one night we kissed and then it all started changing

like when we started seeing each other she kept saying that it wasnt a relationship and that we can see other people. just not to tell each other about it. which i wasnt too keen on but her reasoning was that if we were to be in a relationship amd it ended badly it'd ruin our friendship.... but anyway a week later we were in my car and she was having a root in the glovebox and found condoms, and started getting really moody, asking why there was some missing from the box, i said ah watever like you said we can see other people! (it just happened to be a co-incidence that the wer still in the car

then there was an incident when i had lunch with somebody that she hates, she happend to see this and started getting in a humour. then eventually resigned herself to the fact that she doesnt own me and control what i do or dont do, but asked please not to do anything (the two of them have hisory). so i didnt and we made up

and then a few weeks later i get a msg off her at half 3 in the morning asking did i sleep with a friend of mine because i had drove down to see them (other friend is in college down the country) and over some other message that was on bebo (trivial i know!!) so i asked her then the next morning what was all this about and she said "ah im sorry i was drunk" we ended up having a huge chat over it and the result, still no relationship as per reason staed earlier

at the moment wer not seeing each oher anymore (were on a break, its ont over) because we both have stuff to sort out. and im just wondering is there a point really in going back to her if its gonna be like that again, i really like the girl but theres only so much i can take, like i havent been with anyone else in the time ive been seeing her, and neither has she but yet she still wont commit. . . . is it worth it ???

MizzLolly

Do you actually want a relationship with this girl now? She sounds insane!

_Mav_

MizzLolly wrote: »

Do you actually want a relationship with this girl now? She sounds insane!

i honestly dont know..... wer have lots of good moments too like

shellyboo

She sounds like a complete headwrecker - if she can't abide by her own rules and not freak out at the thought of you seeing other people, then she needs to break it off. Don't even consider getting into a monogamous relationship with this girl, she'd drive you completely mental.

MizzLolly

_Mav_ wrote: »

i honestly dont know..... wer have lots of good moments too like

She sounds so needy and insecure. There also seems to be a controlling vibe from her too, how can she say it's okay to see other people and then go off the rails when you have lunch with another girl?

She wants to be able to see other people herself, it's obviously not the same rules for you, otherwise she'd be keeping her insecurities to herself. As shellyboo said, this girl is a headwrecker. Steer clear, she doesn't know what she wants and is using you as a security blanket until someone else comes along!

(and you don't deserve that treatment!)

LegacyUser

she sounds like a psycho and clinically insane

but as the expression goes. we cant help who we fall for, hope it works out for you

_Mav_

shellyboo wrote: »

She sounds like a complete headwrecker - if she can't abide by her own rules and not freak out at the thought of you seeing other people, then she needs to break it off. Don't even consider getting into a monogamous relationship with this girl, she'd drive you completely mental.

thank you

i am still highly confused as of what to do, because i really like this girl, can anybody else shed some light?

Snowie

_Mav_ wrote: »

i really like the girl

What do you like about her?
I mean she sounds like head wreacker. who has trust issues.

_Mav_

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

What do you like about her?
I mean she sounds like head wreacker. who has trust issues.

she makes me laugh, she makes me smile, we have good times together (like we never really argue in person, just by text!), she likes me for who i am not what i do or what i look like, and just being around her makes me happy

G-Money

She sounds very like a girl I met last year. She started off by saying she didn't want a boyfriend, and we'd just be friends, but then we'd sort of cross the friend line several times. But then she'd insist we weren't in relationship as she "couldn't handle anything serious" and that I could go out with other girls. Then any night I did go out, the next day she'd ask me if I met any girls the night before. At the time I was going out a lot and I would meet and talk to several girls most nights but nothing happened. But she'd get jealous and said she'd feel sick at the thought of it.

Anyway this merry go round went on for quite a while and eventually she decided on the friends thing and nothing more. Then about 2-3 weeks later she met some guy and started seeing him.

She often threw out the line about it ruining our friendship if we went into a relationship but it was stupid to say that because we met on an internet dating site so it wasn't like we were friends for years beforehand. I was pleased to prove her theory wrong and trying to stay friends is what ruined it as we don't speak anymore. She wanted to stay friends after she met that guy but I didn't want any part of it. It was too difficult and even now while I don't want to see her again, I'm still a bit angry and bitter over how it all went.

I regret it all now, but at the time, I sort of kept holding on, hoping things would change. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and looking back, I should have just walked away when she first mentioned the friends thing in her first emails.

But having said that, as painful as it was, the experience was invaluable and opened my eyes and made me wiser for the next time.

I don't think you should hang around too long. It's unfair to you for her to say you should see other people, then get into a strop about it if you do, and even if you don't (which you pointed out). It's selfish as its making you put your life on hold, worrying about how she's going to react if you meet someone. Yet while she doesn't really want you to meet someone else, she's not willing to be with you either. You can't find behaviour much more unreasonable and unacceptable than that.

I say you take her at her word, and just go for other people and forget about her. Being cynical, I'm sure you won't even cross her mind the second some guy shows up on the scene for her.

squonk

That's nice but what jumped out at me was that you never argue except by text... that's a bit weird. I'd take that to mean she is probably in the driving seat in the face to face stuff a bit more. I'm not saying you're a doormat OP or anything but that you might be a bit more into her than she to you. None of this sounds very satisfactory. I'd say try and move on. There are others out there. yeah, i know it's easilly said but it is true.