whats happened to him? HELP!

agh!

one of my brothers is 5years older than me (im the baby and 2older bros) and is a teacher, im 20. we used to get on really really well and he was one of the only people i looked up to but now its all changed and i feel like he hates me. we live in a small stuck up their own arse's GAA community and everyone knows everyone elses business...they actually thrive on it, and thats 1 problem, but most of it has to do with booze! everyday when he finishes work he goes to the pub and comes home locked then around 9 o'c thinkin he can say anythin to anybody, he was on a bender all wknd and came home shoutin abuse at every1 and even made my mam cry...now no1 likes to see their mothers cry! i confronted him and it all turned it on me sayin i was the most horrible bitch and he hated me, i no people say things when their drunk but i was so scared as he was never so aggressive like that b4, this is the 2nd time its happened. he's after changin so much in the last few months, i cant even tell him anything cause all he do is blab it about the pub when he's had a few and think its funny...it's so annoyin as everyone thinks that he's the nicest guy and im sooo lucky to have a brother like him...i would hav believd that myself but now i dont think so..iv struggled with bad depression for the last year, and i cant tell him as he'l spit it all out when he's drunk..thats bad enough, but when u hear the only person you ever looked up to u sayin that he hates u...all i do is cry because of it and he doesn seem to care, i dont want to confront him because i dont want him to get angrier with me...its like he has time for ANYBODY else but me..he wont even sit in the same room as me...all i want is my big brother back

Carsinian Thau

Not to diagnose over the internet, but have you considered the possibility that he may be an alcoholic?

You say that he goes to the pub everyday after work and stays in there for quite a while (coming home at nine after a typical school day would put him in the pub for about 5-6 hours, by my calculations). This isn't good. Perhaps raise your concerns with a GP and then maybe your brother, (when he's sober).

He doesn't have time for anyone else but you. He has time for anyone that can get him more drink by the sound of it. Your brother could be sick and may need your help, even if it seems like he may not want it.

Raise the issues with your GP and see what they say. You could also probably benefit from mentioning how upset you are by all this. You've been dealing with depression so talking about this could help you more.

agh!

ya i hav taken into mind that he might be an alcoholic but it works differently every week. one week he'd be in there everyday and the next he would go in there at all until the weeknd. you see this whole community revolves around this one pub and its so sad! i dont think he is to be honest but im afraid it could turn into it if he doesn't cop on. He's recently after getting into a relationship with this girl, she's grand but i dont trust her as far as i could throw her and all of this aggressiveness seems to have only started after they 1st hooked up...and i definitly cant say this to him cause he'd go mad at me..talking to a GP or him when he's sober will be no use...he's a typical irish male who is weirded out by talking about problems...especially with his little sister

Carsinian Thau

agh! wrote: »

ya i hav taken into mind that he might be an alcoholic but it works differently every week. one week he'd be in there everyday and the next he would go in there at all until the weeknd. you see this whole community revolves around this one pub and its so sad! i dont think he is to be honest but im afraid it could turn into it if he doesn't cop on.

.....talking to a GP or him when he's sober will be no use...

His behaviour is a little erratic with regard to alcohol so. I honestly don't understand alcoholism so you'd really have to talk to a professional to account for the differences there.

agh! wrote: »

He's recently after getting into a relationship with this girl, she's grand but i dont trust her as far as i could throw her and all of this aggressiveness seems to have only started after they 1st hooked up...and i definitly cant say this to him cause he'd go mad at me..

That's really very odd. Do you think it's a coincidence or is there a reason why dating her could have brought about the changes in his personality?

agh! wrote: »

he's a typical irish male who is weirded out by talking about problems...especially with his little sister

As one of those typical Irish males I get what you mean (even if I don't understand the "logic" behind it).

The best you can do for this is just to let him know that you'll be there for him if he ever does decide to talk.
Personally, I have my limits as to how upset I can get before I'll be driven to talk to someone. He probably does too.

kjl

If he goes to the pub everyday after work, then he has a problem with alcohol. Simple as, but he is not alone, the vast majority of Irish people are in the same boat. People who drink can take breaks, sure, but your brother does not sound like he is in control of it.

Alcoholic behaviour does manifest itself in a two personality person so I would take this into account.

Confront him when he is sober, if he dismisses you, simply refuse to talk to him any more, he will eventually get the point

kittenkiller

As he's a teacher, maybe he's just really disappointed in you for the lack of spelling and grammar you picked up after 20 years?

Failing that maybe it'd be best to get your parents to lay down the law.
If he thinks he can behave like that just because he's had a drink or two someone should pull him aside and tell him what's what.
While he's sober of course!

going un-reg

Kittenkiller: thats uncalled for, stop nitpicking and stay on the subject. Its obviously not that issue :rolleyes:

OP, for one thing, dont blame yourself for any of this, he's the one with the issue and is making you all calatoral damage. A few things though, he's 25, still living at home?...if he can afford going to the pub so much, he can find a flat somewhere, so he cant be coming home upsetting your mum. I'd suggest going to your mother, sitting her down and telling her how all of this is making you feel.

Its your mothers/fathers house, He lives under it, he should respect this fact. Ask your mum/dad to step up and enforce "their house, their rules".... I didnt think I'd ever be giving out this sort of advice, but it seems like an increasing problem.

He needs a kick up the ass to be honest, you shouldnt have to put up with that in your own home...

kittenkiller

going un-reg wrote: »

Kittenkiller: thats uncalled for, stop nitpicking and stay on the subject. Its obviously not that issue :rolleyes:

Call me when you're a mod!

Also, suggesting the OP take matters into her own hands and start kicking her brother seems very excessive and completely against the charter!
OP I would not recommend doing this at all! :cool:

Wibbs

going un-reg lets ease back on the kicking, even if it's only a figure of speech. Keep this civil and useful to the OP. Anything else is against the spirit and charter of this forum. kittenkiller if you have a problem with a post please report it. Thanks.