I don't want a relationship or I dont want you?

LegacyUser

Just wondering what people's views are on this....

I recently got this line off a girl and I said fair enough, but I do think that when someone says I dont want a relationship, they are actually saying they dont want a relationship with you., i.e. she didnt really like me much in the end.

Ok there may be certain circumstances where people cant commit, that's fair enough. Wasnt the case here as far as I could see. I would point out that we had been seeing each other for about 2 months, got on very well, even though she was quite hot and cold at times. I probably ended up doing more of the chasing, even though i reckon she was more keen at first, which might have lead her to believe I wanted a serious relationship, even though I hadnt suggested it and was a long way off suggesting it tbh.

I dont think people can or should pick and choose when you want relationships, surely it is more about the person that comes along?? If you like them enough you will want to be with them regardless of whether you thought wanted a relationship before you met them.

Sinall

I really think it does depend on the person and what's going on in their life at that particular time. Years ago I came out of a relationship that had lasted a few years, was having a great time being young, free and single when along came a guy who I was crazy about. I remember not wanting to start another relationship yet,but wanting to be with him more, so we went out for quite a while.

On the other hand, there have been times in my life when I knew that I could not handle a relationship; either because I had so much going on that I simply could not manage one, or because things were so up in the air with me personally that I knew it would be a very bad idea. And I turned down a guy who I would have loved to have gone out with at a different stage or when I was in a different place in my life.

Sometimes people do use the "I don't want a relationship" line when they do mean "I don't want a relationship with you" but other times it's a genuine statement and they are not using it as a cop-out. You probably have an idea of which one it is in your situation, from this girl's actions etc towards you.

Beetlebum

Hmmm..interesting question. I think it can be used as a line if you decide you no longer want to be with someone although it's a pretty cowardly approach.

However, last year I met an amazing guy who asked me out. He was good looking, kind, funny and treated me really well. I was out of a long term relationship and believed I was over my ex but after a few months with this new guy, I realised that my heart wasn't fully in it. I was still in love with my ex. I felt very confused and decided I needed some time on my own with no relationship.

So, in my case it was true. He was fantastic but I wasn't ready or able to continue seeing him. Shame but it happens. If I met him now I'd love to go out with him but he'd never take me back!

I know you're probably a bit hurt and confused OP but try not to take it too hard. Maybe she really needs some time alone.

sam34

i can honestly say that i have used that line and meant it, ie i did not want/have time for a relationship at that time.

i have never used it as a cop out, but i can imagine that others do.

so, you have no real way of knowing what this girl meant, she may well have been genuine, but maybe not.

you could try talking to her about it again

G-Money

At the end of the day, does it really matter what the reason is. Either they are saying they don't want one with you, or don't want one with anyone. Although it's frustrating when you hear that line and magically within a few weeks they are somehow able to have a relationship with someone else.

If you wanted one with her and she didn't, whatever her reasons are, you've got your answer, so I'd just drop it. Even if you don't want a relationship with her, I wouldn't be running back to her either. I just wouldn't be that bothered about it at all.

Plenty of other girls out there. Don't fall into the scarcity mentality!

Nervous Wreck

IMO, it's a balancing act. Sometimes people don't want a relationship at all. Sometimes these people find someone they couldn't possibly refuse a relationship with cos they're head over heels. The balance is in the ratio. Did she like you? Quite possibly. Did she like you enough for you to be the one she breaks her non-committal cycle for? Evidently not. Nothing to be down about though tbh. When someone decides they don't want a relationship (which is actually where I'm at right now), it takes a LOT for them to change their mind.