Housisms

LizT

Sorry if this has been posted before - don't think it has though!

What is everyone's favourite line from House?

Mine is in Series 1 or 2, can't remember which.

House says something to Chase about him being British
Chase: I'm Austrailian.
House: You put the Queen on your money, you're British.

civis_liberalis

Kid: What's Extension Pastoring
House: It's when you're molested by a priest's cousin

"That's a catchy diagnosis, you could dance to that."

civis_liberalis

House (Talking to Wilson about Amber):
"You LIKE that she has no regard for consequences.
You LIKE that she can humiliate someone if it serves... [pause]
Oh my god! You're sleeping with me."


House (Talking to Cuddy):
"Word on the street is you set a new personal best for low-cut."

Catari Jaguar

To Wilson after he turns House in to Det. Tritter

House: [points to the crib in the lobby] "Look, there's Jesus, go tell the Romans..."

House knocks on Wilson's door " I know you're in there. I can hear you caring!"

Mars Bar

civis_liberalis wrote: »

House (Talking to Wilson about Amber):
"You LIKE that she has no regard for consequences.
You LIKE that she can humiliate someone if it serves... [pause]
Oh my god! You're sleeping with me."


House (Talking to Cuddy):
"Word on the street is you set a new personal best for low-cut."

The first one is my favourite one too!

Krieg

To wilson

House: "Theres a code; Bros before hos, man.”

SimpleLogic

there are too many to choose from....

Chase: "He doesn't like anybody. And nobody likes him."

Stacy to House: "What are you hiding?"
House: "I'm gay. Oh, that's not what you meant. It does explain a lot though. No girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers."

House (reading from a file): "Wilson, James. Boy wonder oncologist. You know him?"
Wilson: "You know, in some cultures, it's considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another. Of course, in Swedish, the word friend can also be translated as 'limping twerp'."

House: "I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous."

wolfric

damn it you stole my fave one i was just about to post

Stacy to House: "What are you hiding?"
House: "I'm gay. Oh, that's not what you meant. It does explain a lot though. No girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers." [#208]

jackthekipper

Wilson: It's a reindeer hat
House: No, you're a jew with a moose on your head

EKRIUQ

"People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get, and there's nothing any of us can do about it."


Cuddy: "Dr. House! Need you here."

House: "No thanks. Lotta sick people. I might catch something."

Cameron: "You can't diagnose that without a biopsy."
House: "Yes, we can, we treat it. If she gets better we know that we're right."
Cameron: "And if we're wrong?"
House: "We learn something else.

Actually looking at the quotes on House quote sites a lot of the best quotes came from the pilot.

Jay P

House: "One caveat: I've moved past threesomes. I'm now into foursomes. If someone backs out, then you've still got a threesome. If two people back out, you're still having sex."


House: "And for the record, you are the worst transplant surgeon in the hospital. But, unfortunately, you are the only one who's currently cheating on his wife."

House: "Sorry, up late. Internet porn."
Chase: "How come you're not in your office?"
House: "Because there is a computer in my office. If I log on, romance will ensue. My wrist might fall off. "

Catari Jaguar

CAMERON: If menstruating is a symptom of cancer, I should be on chemo right now!
HOUSE: That's ridiculous — you're way too skinny to be menstruating


Dr. House: Mom's body is like…the intricate German metro system. All the trains run on time. She gets pregnant, it's like…a new station opening in Düsseldorf. A bunch of rookies running things. Bound to be mistakes. Kids play on the tracks and get electrocuted, and before you know it, trains are backed up all the way to Berlin and you got a bunch of angry Germans with nowhere to go. And we all know that ain't good for the Jews…

Dr. Chase: Ah…who are the Jews in this metaphor?


Foreman: I had a date last night. She screamed too. You think we should spend a hundred thousand dollars testing her?
House: Of course not. This isn't a veterinary hospital. Zing!



Chase: How does an inmate on Death Row get his hands on heroin?
Foreman: Are you serious?
House: The man knows prisons. When we've got a yachting question, we'll come to you.


Moriarty: I don't care about semantics
Dr. House: You anti-semantic bastard!

Cr, Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. House: I think your tie is ugly.


Dr. House: So what's your plan? You take the big dark one, I'll take the little girl, and the Aussie will run like a scared wombat if things get tough


HOUSE: Can't ignore the blood because it's a minority, can you Foreman?

Benzino

House: Ah, my birthday. Normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the Sun one more time; I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn't the little planet that could all over again.

House: Cut your wrists, huh?
Dr Beasley: Greg, there are certain topics.
House: Oh, I'm sorry. Is suicide taboo? Gosh, if I've broken a rule on my first day, I will kill myself.
Dr Beasley: Group's over.
House: That flew by.

jordainius

My sig!

jackthekipper

Cheese is the devils plaything
Too true

Sherifu

Hmmm, mine is probably...

Glico Man

House: “Sixteen splenectomies. Pretty sure he gets a set of steak knives with that.”

Thor

My favorite one would have to be

Sons father
' What is wrong with my son'

House
' We think a drunk driver broke into this room'

funny because the dad lied to his soon about how is mother died.

also

Other one

House

'You take foreman, i take cameron and the aussie will run for his life'

wolfric

Thor wrote: »

My favorite one would have to be

Sons father
' What is wrong with my son'

House
' We think a drunk driver broke into this room'

funny because the dad lied to his soon about how is mother died.

also

Other one

House

'You take foreman, i take cameron and the aussie will run for his life'

......what?

Thor

wolfric wrote: »

......what?

first one is from this episode

http://www.tvrage.com/House/episodes/84725/2x05

can't remember what episode the second one was.

i just remember laughing. you know how it is when house talks and he says something so funny. happens nearly every episode its so hard to remember. i think it was this episode.

http://www.tvrage.com/House/episodes/84710/1x12

seanybiker

civis_liberalis wrote: »

House (Talking to Wilson about Amber):
"You LIKE that she has no regard for consequences.
You LIKE that she can humiliate someone if it serves... [pause]
Oh my god! You're sleeping with me."

Just watching that episode now. The head on him when he said it was priceless.

Glico Man

House: I slept with Cuddy. After she helped me detox from Vicodin. I've been clean for almost 24 hours now. (Wilson looks at him) Okay. Thought I'd mention it.

Wilson: Wow. Wow! One for each.

House: That's what she said. Ha.

Wilson: How's the pain.

House: She's probably got some bruising.

Wilson: Yeah, I get it. You're a stud

Wilson: The other wow. You were sober. She was sober.

House: Clean and sober and hot.

Wilson: Wow! This is fantastic. How are you gonna screw it up?

_______________________________________________________
Another one

House: If her DNA was off by one percentage point she'd be a dolphin

Papa_Lazarou

"No, if you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic."

"Well, like the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can’t always get what you want."

Malari

Midget Lady that House was just rude to: "Are you high?"
House: "Higher than you!"

New doctor to House: "You're reading a comic book"
House: "And you're wearing a low-cut top to draw attention to your breasts. Oh, sorry I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest"

Queen-Mise

I love this rant. Can only remember start of it.

You Dont die with dignity you live with dignity.

Catari Jaguar

5 x 19

House says the patients itchy foot means liver falure. Looks at Taub; "A failure, just like Taub"

5 x 18

"Cats make terrible doctors. Oh no, wait, that's women. You're screwed."

Catari Jaguar

Queen-Mise wrote: »

I love this rant. Can only remember start of it.

You Dont die with dignity you live with dignity.

This?
"I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly. Always. You can live with dignity, we can't die with it."

ScrubsfanChris

After house bought his new kane because Hector chewed the old one:

Chase: Nice Kane
House: Flames make it look like I'm going fast.

Also there is an iphone app with alot of the Housism's mentioned here.

LizT

House: Dr House. We haven't met yet.
Dr.Conway: Dr. Jamie Conway. I've heard your name.
House: Most people have. It's also a noun.

decisions

Queen-Mise wrote: »

I love this rant. Can only remember start of it.

You Dont die with dignity you live with dignity.

woman: i just wanna die with a little dignity

House: theres no such thing our bodies break down sometimes when were 90 sometimes before we are even born but it always happens and there is never any dignity in it. i dont care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass.its always ugly. always. you can live with dignity but you cant die with it.

i know that off by heart. i used it in an english debate about assisted suiside

decisions

Pilot

house: humanity is over rated

orange dude: what is that what are you doing?
house: pain killers
orange dude: oh for youur leg
house: no cos there yummy

house: truth begins in lies

house to wilson: you lied to a friend to save a stranger. you dont think thats screwed up
wilson: like you never lied to me
house: i never lie

NatWW

From the episode Wilson and House pretend to be gay after moving in in the new condo:

House to Wilson - let's face it, we're one tiger away from a show in Vegas...

Chuchoter

Dr. Foreman: We just got a call from Patty Michener. From Women's Majority, the women's rights...
Dr. Cuddy: We know who she is.
House: I dated her. Well, not really dated her. More metaphorically raped her by having a penis. You did too.

cactus jack

can't remember the exact quotes but the first was in happy little christmas to the midget mom after they where talking about positions & the helicopter came up

house : "wanna go for a spin"

the second was from skin deep. after the teen model takes off her gown

house : "put your dress back on we're about to cut off your balls"

failry sure both are off but it's close to what was said & the episodes are correct

Bottle_of_Smoke

He'll have sex with his wife, he'll hug his son.... well I hope thats the combination he goes with, I'd hate to have cured a pedofile.