How to help her

alabamawhurley

Would love to hear some advice on this.

I have a friend, we have known eachother since we were little & were very close all through school.

When we finished school, as does sometimes happen, our whole gang drifted apart somewhat. She got involved with a guy who was bad news (into drugs etc) & I suppose we (her friends) made our feelings known & while she fell out with some of our friends, me & her never fell out.
But time went on, she stayed with this guy & he totally isolated her from everyone.

Fast forward 10 years or so, I havent seen her in about 6 years but she still texts me now & then. She is very obviously depressed, (suffered post natal depression) & often tells me (by text) that I am her only friend. Now, I dont really see this as a friendship.

I have tried so many times to meet up with her, I would really like to get her back out there & would be more than happy to help her get her life back. (Even though she is still with the guy & has a kid with him) But every time she lets me down by cancelling last minute or not showing up. Now, I dont blame her at all & I understand that she is probably scared or nervous about meeting me after all this time. But there is only so many times I can ask her to meet me.

I worry about her as she is obviously depressed & very unhappy in her life but I really am not sure what else I can do.

I have to admit, sometimes I do get a little frustrated with her because I feel she needs to help herself before anyone else can help her. But at the end of the day I will always be there for her.

Should I just accept that she is an adult & needs to make her own decisions about getting her life together? Or is there anything else I can do to help her..

JuliusCaesar

alabamawhurley wrote: »

I have tried so many times to meet up with her, I would really like to get her back out there & would be more than happy to help her get her life back. (Even though she is still with the guy & has a kid with him) But every time she lets me down by cancelling last minute or not showing up.

I have to admit, sometimes I do get a little frustrated with her because I feel she needs to help herself before anyone else can help her. But at the end of the day I will always be there for her.

Should I just accept that she is an adult & needs to make her own decisions about getting her life together? Or is there anything else I can do to help her..

I think you've answered your own question there.

nesbitt

How to help her? Be a friend to her, even if all that is at the moment is a text every now and again. Perhaps you are the only person she is in touch with so don't shut her off. I am at present being there for a friend and its a no brainer for me, could not do anything else.... Perhaps you talk to any of her family and find out third party what things are like for her.

Of course you have answered your own question, but....

Xterminator

just to add you cant 'fix' people.

one day the penny might drop with her, and she will want to get out.

all you can do, is keep the channels open, and let her know your there for her.