Backtracking from sex

LegacyUser

So I met a guy a few weeks ago who I really like. We kissed the first night, he came home with me but nothing happened. I went on a date with him a few days later, he came home again, and we had sex. Anyway, since then I've seen him a few times and have found that I really, really like him (I wasn't so sure at the start!). Now I wish that I'd waited longer to sleep with him. Normally I would have, but it'd been over a year.....Anyway I'm left with the doubt that he's possibly only with me for the sex. And since I actually see this going somewhere, I wish our first time could have been more special.

I guess it would be kind of ridiculous now to go back to not having sex and build things up again?! It's pretty amazing, I'd just be depriving myself (and him) by not doing it. I know it's silly but I'm also thinking that he'd have more respect for me if I'd held out. Any advice?!

shellyboo

The few times you've seen him, what have you done? Has there been dates, or just sex?

LegacyUser

well he slept with you on the second date too right? You dont feel any less for him. So why would he think you are easy? Come on.... it's a two way thing!!! And if he does then he's not worth it anyways.

LegacyUser

Both I guess. Lunch, followed by sex. Cinema, followed by sex!

Wagon

Whoopsadaisy wrote: »

I know it's silly but I'm also thinking that he'd have more respect for me if I'd held out. Any advice?!

I never understood this myself. If you like someone then why wait? I've never lost respect for a girl because we had sex the first time me met. My ex and i didnt wait longer than a few hours and we ended up going out for 6 months. My current missus and i didnt wait long either (would have happened a lot sooner if we lived in the same country) and it's been over a year we've been together.

I'd say tell the chap that you like him and you want to take things further. If he likes you just as much then you can be sure that he won't be apprehensive about jumping on the oppurtunity. But if he comes out with some crap about "Want to be single right now" or "not ready for a relationship with someone" and "lets see where things go" then id say take a step back from the riding because chances are you're only going to get more and more involved with him and he could easily turn around down the line and say he thinks you'd be better off as "just friends". There's nothing wrong about sleeping with someone you really like but there's also nothing wrong about wanting to know where things stand.

ash23

As Shellyboo said, what do ye do when you meet up?

If he is decent and lovely and you guys do nice things together then no need to cut out the hanky panky.
If all his texts are about sex or all he asks about when you meet him is when can you get back to the house for sex, then you're in trouble!

Maybe invite him somewhere that sex won't be a possibility. A day time thing, like meeting for lunch and going to the cinema. But make it clear that you have other plans in the evening (meeting friends, parents whatever).

See how he takes that suggestion. He should be happy enough to meet you without having to have sex.

LegacyUser

So I told him that I'd like to take things slower, that I genuinely like him and that I though we'd rushed into things. He was very nice about it but seemed completely baffled. "Was it not good?!". We've vague plans to meet up this week so I guess time will tell. I feel a bit of a fool for making a simple situation quite complicated but I suppose at the end of the day I need to feel comfortable.