Boyfriend doesn't like piercings

LegacyUser

I'm 22 and I have a long term boyfriend. I've been into piercings for years - have my tongue, nose, ears and belly done. My boyfriend isn't fussed on them, but he's grown to like the ones I have. The thing is, I really want to get my nipples done, but he really doesn't want me to. He says they're slutty looking and a turn off. I don't want him to be turned off me, but I do really want them done. What do I do?

Nervous Wreck

Weigh up your options. Would your boyfriend dump you if you got them done? If so, would that be enough of a deterrent for you? If he would dump you over it, is he the kinda person you'd want to be with anyway? Is his opinion more important than what you want for yourself? Is it really worth the hassle over a couple of piercings? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.

You also need to sit down and have a proper chat with your bf. Surely if he's grown to like your other piercings, he could grow to like these. Think it through, talk it out and proceed in whichever direction you decide on.

LegacyUser

Its taken me a really long time to realise this, but we need someone in our lives that going to accept us just the way we are.

I've been with guys over the years who always wanted to change some aspect of me - in their eyes I wasn't sexy enough, smart enough, loud enough, shy enough, the list goes on and on.. and all it did was bring me down, trying to conform to what others wanted from me.

We can only be true to ourselves - you like piercings and he knew this already. If getting these piercings is something you've always really wanted to do, then hell yeah you should do it. You're hurting no one, it really isnt anyones business and you're still going to be exactly the same person he feel in love with.

Personally, I really wouldnt like it anymore if anyone tried to control me in any sort of way - but thats just my personal view.

Bottle_of_Smoke

seriouslynow! wrote: »

Its taken me a really long time to realise this, but we need someone in our lives that going to accept us just the way we are.

I've been with guys over the years who always wanted to change some aspect of me - in their eyes I wasn't sexy enough, smart enough, loud enough, shy enough, the list goes on and on.. and all it did was bring me down, trying to conform to what others wanted from me.

We can only be true to ourselves - you like piercings and he knew this already. If getting these piercings is something you've always really wanted to do, then hell yeah you should do it. You're hurting no one, it really isnt anyones business and you're still going to be exactly the same person he feel in love with.

Personally, I really wouldnt like it anymore if anyone tried to control me in any sort of way - but thats just my personal view.

He told her he finds them a turn off and thinks they're slutty looking. Expressing an opinion isn't exactly tantamount to controlling behaviour.

OP I've put off shaving my head from female objection in the past. Don't exactly feel violated by it. I don't think he's gonna finish with you over this, its up to you.

Nipple piercings tend to leave pretty awful looking scars afterwards by the way, and you might get bored of them someday

Liam Byrne

seriouslynow! wrote: »

Its taken me a really long time to realise this, but we need someone in our lives that going to accept us just the way we are.

Firstly, he has; he's accepted her existing piercings. Personally, they'd turn me off.

seriouslynow! wrote: »

I've been with guys over the years who always wanted to change some aspect of me - in their eyes I wasn't sexy enough, smart enough, loud enough, shy enough, the list goes on and on.. and all it did was bring me down, trying to conform to what others wanted from me.

That's a completely different scenario, because it's personal - all the things that you listed were about you yourself. If someone thinks that way of "their partner", then they shouldn't be with them......

seriouslynow! wrote: »

You're hurting no one, it really isnt anyones business and you're still going to be exactly the same person he feel in love with.

She's asked, he's answered. So she'll be hurting herself, in a way, because her boyfriend has said that he'd be turned off by them.

The same would apply if I was going out with someone and they wanted to get botox or a boob job; if I fancy them as they are, it's because they're themselves, not some fake plastic version of themselves.

seriouslynow! wrote: »

Personally, I really wouldnt like it anymore if anyone tried to control me in any sort of way - but thats just my personal view.

It's not "controlling"; like I said, she asked, he answered. Would you want him to lie ?

The choice is still hers, but every choice has potential consequences. If she wants to risk it, that's fine, but she's aware of the possibility that her boyfriend would be turned off, and will have to accept it if he is - not because he's being unreasonable, but because she went ahead with it.

bp

personally piercing aren't for me, nor tattoo's but each to their own. My bf had one piercing when we met (tongue) and went on to get another six and two tattoo's - I mightn't like them at all at all, but it isn't my choice - its his and his alone - if he is happy then what right do I have to say no??? I did have a two minute tantrum when he got his ear extensions done but they are still there six years later (nice and big)! I hate them still but its his body and he likes them!

I can understand where your bf is coming from as I was in his position, but its your choice what you do to your body! I requested no nose piercings as it would have been a loop in each nostril but would have accepted them if they were done (thankfully they weren't)

Nipple piercings are tame anyway....who would see them apart from the two of you....just explain that you want them and they wont be around forever but it is something you want to do!

Good luck and I hope you work it out!

Phantron

Might I put forward that the thing the boyfriend may have a problem with is the fact that, to get the piercings done, somebody is going to be handling his girlfriend's breasts and nipples and he may not be comfortable with that thought?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm 22 and I have a long term boyfriend. I've been into piercings for years - have my tongue, nose, ears and belly done. My boyfriend isn't fussed on them, but he's grown to like the ones I have. The thing is, I really want to get my nipples done, but he really doesn't want me to. He says they're slutty looking and a turn off. I don't want him to be turned off me, but I do really want them done. What do I do?

You should tell him, I do want I want and if you don't like it that is your problem.
I would seriously freak out if a girl tried to tell me what to do like that.

nkay1985

I personally feel that you should be allowed to go with your own feelings on this one. Piercings and/or tattoos are an interest and a hobby. They're an expression of your personality. He mightn't like that part of you but he's there for the whole package. If you really want it done, tell him you're going for it. My guess is that if he has accepted the ones you already have, he'll not make a big deal about this. Specially if you have your tongue done which is much more prominent.

finbarrk

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm 22 and I have a long term boyfriend. I've been into piercings for years - have my tongue, nose, ears and belly done. My boyfriend isn't fussed on them, but he's grown to like the ones I have. The thing is, I really want to get my nipples done, but he really doesn't want me to. He says they're slutty looking and a turn off. I don't want him to be turned off me, but I do really want them done. What do I do?

I can't really understand why you would even want to do it. But I suppose an extra few probably won't make much difference to you at this stage.

shellyboo

I can kind of see where he's coming from... her breasts, like it or not, are part of their sex life. Altering that to something he's not attracted to - something she knows he's not attracted to - is asking for trouble.

He's entitled to tell her what he does and does not find attractive. He's under no obligation to fancy her unconditionally, in fact it's not even possible. If she came in here saying "I want to gain weight but my boyfriend won't support me because he says he won't fancy me if I'm fat" we'd be telling her she was mental.

He can't change what he's attracted to - it's the OP choice whether she wants to take the risk of turning him off.

Xterminator

tellhim wrote: »

You should tell him, I do want I want and if you don't like it that is your problem.
I would seriously freak out if a girl tried to tell me what to do like that.

I feel this advice is bad.

The boyfriends opinion was asked, and given. He in no way 'tried to tell her what to do'.

The OP can choose as she wants, but in the knowledge that her BF will be unhappy about it.

from a male perspective, its not so much about someone handling her breasts, (in a non sexual manner) but the permanent alteration that it will make to her breasts. he may decide after, its not so bad, but he may not.

I wonder did the poster above think they boyfriend should lie, or perhaps he is not allowed an opinion? i dont know where they are coming from, but suspect they are projecting their own personal issues onto this scenario.