He misunderstood

DigiGal

On thursday night I was having drinks with a few people in college and apparently tried to hug person X he misconstrued my gesture and thought I was hitting on him(I have a bf for 6 years and just....no lol)


Later in the night Person Y a friend whom I know a while was locked and I went to give him a hug goodbye, he pushed me on to the ground, obviously I was pretty upset and confused by this, especially because I was drunk.

When I was upset I posted on facebook about the above incident with person Y Saying i was upset a friend would reject a hug.


Person X thought this was about him but really it wasn't, I didn't even notice he didn't hug me tbh,

To make a long story short person X who i considered a good friend got pretty pissed at me and now I have to see him every single day in college. all his friends are my friends and tey were all giving me dirty looks etc on Friday. I really don't understand what i did wrong
I'm really upset and this is the last thing I need. Shoudl I just stop speaking to him???This is so childish and such a stupid thing to have a fight about. Part of me just wants to stay away from him, if he is this kind of person

opinion guy

hey digigal your post is kind of confusing as to who is who and who was hugged/not hugged etc etc. could you maybe reword things to clarify it pls ?

DigiGal

done and done

davyjose

Why don't you just explain to him what happened?

DigiGal

davyjose wrote: »

Why don't you just explain to him what happened?

I did, he doesn't believe me

Posting semi cryptic, b*tchy status updates tends to result in this kind of confusion. Of course people wonder if you meant them - person X wasn't to know about what happened with person Y so naturally assumed it was about him. And everyone who saw you hug him probably thinks so as well, so now X feels embarrassed. If you have a problem with someone, better to say it to them rather than post passive aggressive messages which are easily misconstrued.

DigiGal

[quote=[Deleted User];62905959]Posting semi cryptic, b*tchy status updates tends to result in this kind of confusion. Of course people wonder if you meant them - person X wasn't to know about what happened with person Y so naturally assumed it was about him. And everyone who saw you hug him probably thinks so as well, so now X feels embarrassed. If you have a problem with someone, better to say it to them rather than post passive aggressive messages which are easily misconstrued.[/QUOTE]
Well its done now so there isn't really much I can do about that, I made a drunk mistake. i just want to know how to make him believe me. I'm not even sure what he is saying happened even actually did

opinion guy

So person Y. is he also in your group of friends ? he pushed you to the ground ? seriously ? did any one see ? thats seriously not on. your friends should be supporting you not excluding you

as regards person x. ok he's hurt and stuff. but you can only tell him the truth and its up to him if he believes it. tell the others the truth too. I woulnd't bother not speaking to anyone - its wayyyy too much effort especially in a group you are stuck with. But I wouldn't go pandering to anyone either. just be sincere and be this is what happened i'm telling you the truth but if you don'y believe me its your problem not mind. but just take mental notes on who is being a friend and who is not

DigiGal

DigiGal wrote: »

Well its done now so there isn't really much I can do about that, I made a drunk mistake. i just want to know how to make him believe me. I'm not even sure what he is saying happened even actually did

You can't make him believe you. You can apologise and explain but if he won't accept it, he won't accept it.

DigiGal

opinion guy wrote: »

So person Y. is he also in your group of friends ? he pushed you to the ground ? seriously ? did any one see ? thats seriously not on. your friends should be supporting you not excluding you

as regards person x. ok he's hurt and stuff. but you can only tell him the truth and its up to him if he believes it. tell the others the truth too. I woulnd't bother not speaking to anyone - its wayyyy too much effort especially in a group you are stuck with. But I wouldn't go pandering to anyone either. just be sincere and be this is what happened i'm telling you the truth but if you don'y believe me its your problem not mind. but just take mental notes on who is being a friend and who is not

Very good advice.

I don't know why person Y did what he did but I can just ignore him as he is not involved with with my group of college friends.

I love person X to bits we get on great at least I thought we did but his reaction was a bit off the wall and I'm kind of scared now.

Do you think a friendship can recover or will there always be tension

opinion guy

DigiGal wrote: »

Do you think a friendship can recover or will there always be tension

Never say never, never say always.

Hmm only thing that will give you the answer to this is time. Just keep being you, don't compromise the situation in order to be friends and let him work it out for himself. Time will tell if its merely a blip in the friendship or something more permanent

irish_boy90

Try explaining your intentions to X would be the best thing to do but the fact he took it as something else might have already made things a bit weird. Hopefully it will fade with time though.

Y doesn't sound like a good friend if he did that, though it may have just been the drink but still pushing someone to the ground is not very friendly.

D-Generate

Just a little advice, less hugs in the future on nights out. I hate when someone that isn't my girlfriend or my mother hugs me, it just makes things all awkward.

LegacyUser

Hi D-girl,

I remember things like this happening to me at the beginning of college and i would get very anxious about confrontations and situations, because in the beginning of college big clicks form and you think your going to be left out and be boxed off as a weirdo or bitch or something.

As the years went on college got easier because you find that the gangs are all a bit dependent on each other where as if you find a few decent friends then you can have a nice support network of people you trust.

I was a bit older than a lot in my class and i remember i had an argument with a girl about a show we were organizing i was the class rep and i had organized a lot and it was very successful, she went around bitchin about me and i was very upset because i could see people were different with me after, i know its hard but i dont regret being myself or ignoring that girl ever again, but people had formed an opinion of me and i had to accept that and say to myself well i dont want to know you either, as time went on your reputation stands to you and im glad that happened with that girl because it taught me i had to believe in myself more and that true friends are people you dont have to explain yourself to, it sounds like they took it way too seriously what you did god people can get really drunk in college and do really stupid things, you have done nothing to be ignored for IMO.

Is Y worth caring about and do you think X will want to be friends again?

XXX

DigiGal

Hey
Thanks for taking the time to writ, nice to know I'm not the only one.
I confronted X on front of Y so he had no choice but to believe me then! And he felt like a right eejit i'd say.
X apologised, said he was just messin around, expected me to push him back, all just a big misunderstanding on everyones part although I'm terrified of Y now, so worried i'll say or do something that will make him flip his lid again

DigiGal

D-Generate wrote: »

Just a little advice, less hugs in the future on nights out. I hate when someone that isn't my girlfriend or my mother hugs me, it just makes things all awkward.

He hugs me all the time otherwise I wouldn't he is a very huggy person like

entropi

The guy "x" is your friend yeah? Then all it SHOULD take is a close chat to explain that you only wanted a HUG, mend things and hopefully get back to normal:) As for guy "y" then sorry to say, but he sounds like a tool...what sort of guy pushes a girl to the ground, let alone one who clearly had a few drinks?:( definitely not worth your time and good that you can sort of ignore him. I'm like you in a way, hug friends way more when drinking, but they will just hug back lol:D

martdalto

DigiGal wrote: »

He hugs me all the time otherwise I wouldn't he is a very huggy person like

Who is "he".. is it 'x' or 'y'.

If it's 'x', why did you hug 'y'? If it's 'y', why did you hug 'x'. As someone else mentioned - maybe tone down on the hugging - and especially drunk hugging!

If "he" is 'x' then 'x' fancies you. BF of 6 years or not - he's trying to slip in there. When you hugged him drunk the other night, he was thinking this could be his chance. Stop hugging him. Stop allowing him to hug you!

You were drunk - was 'y' drunk? Did he push you away 'cos he was sick of you going around drunk hugging everyone and just pushed you away, possibly more forcible than he should - but maybe more forcibly than he intended because he was drunk?

Would you have remained standing if you were sober? Did you stumble and fall because you were a bit unsteady anyway? Is 'y' always a bit volatile or only when he has been drinking? Stop hugging him! And he shouldn't have reason to push you away.

DigiGal

martdalto wrote: »

Who is "he".. is it 'x' or 'y'.

If it's 'x', why did you hug 'y'? If it's 'y', why did you hug 'x'. As someone else mentioned - maybe tone down on the hugging - and especially drunk hugging!

If "he" is 'x' then 'x' fancies you. BF of 6 years or not - he's trying to slip in there. When you hugged him drunk the other night, he was thinking this could be his chance. Stop hugging him. Stop allowing him to hug you!

You were drunk - was 'y' drunk? Did he push you away 'cos he was sick of you going around drunk hugging everyone and just pushed you away, possibly more forcible than he should - but maybe more forcibly than he intended because he was drunk?

Would you have remained standing if you were sober? Did you stumble and fall because you were a bit unsteady anyway? Is 'y' always a bit volatile or only when he has been drinking? Stop hugging him! And he shouldn't have reason to push you away.

Y hugs me all the time we are really good friends


I never hugged X!at least I don't remember that happening and I was not that drunk , he just thought I was posting on Facebook about him

Y does not fancy me as Y is gay.


As i previousl explained in the thread why pushed me messingly but because he was pissed did it too hard and I fell(this is what Y said to me) he was mess fighting with me which he does alot

martdalto

Ok, I'm going to try figure this out!!!

On thursday night I was having drinks with a few people in college and apparently tried to hug person X he misconstrued my gesture......

Sorry as I understood it you hugged, or tried to hug X.

Later in the night Person Y a friend whom I know a while was locked and I went to give him a hug goodbye, he pushed me on to the ground,

You hugged Y, and Y pushed you away?

I don't know why person Y did what he did but I can just ignore him

X apologised, said he was just messin around, expected me to push him back

I thought Y pushed you? (I'll assume this is a typo??)

I'm terrified of Y now, so worried i'll say or do something that will make him flip his lid again

Y hugs me all the time we are really good friends

If you are really good friend, why are you claiming to be "terrified"... if you are really good friends, why do you say you can easily ignore him?

I never hugged X

On thursday night I was having drinks with a few people in college and apparently tried to hug person X he misconstrued my gesture......

I'm confused!

As i previousl explained in the thread why pushed me messingly but because he was pissed did it too hard and I fell(this is what Y said to me) he was mess fighting with me which he does alot

If he does it alot, and it's something you two 'do' how can you claim to be "terrifed" of him, and afraid "flip his lid again"?


No offense meant, Digigal, but I think you might be a little bit of a drama queen, and like a bit of attention one way or the other!

Stop hugging (trying to hug ?? whatever you did!!) people who don't want to be hugged (X). Stop "play fighting" with Y. Drunk or not he has the ability to hurt you, intentionally or not, and you can't go complaining about it after the event, if you usually join in with the playing fighting. You said he expected you to push him back, so I gues you 2 normally "play fight" together?

DigiGal

martdalto wrote: »

Ok, I'm going to try figure this out!!!



Sorry as I understood it you hugged, or tried to hug X.



You hugged Y, and Y pushed you away?








I thought Y pushed you? (I'll assume this is a typo??)





If you are really good friend, why are you claiming to be "terrified"... if you are really good friends, why do you say you can easily ignore him?




I'm confused!



If he does it alot, and it's something you two 'do' how can you claim to be "terrifed" of him, and afraid "flip his lid again"?


No offense meant, Digigal, but I think you might be a little bit of a drama queen, and like a bit of attention one way or the other!

Stop hugging (trying to hug ?? whatever you did!!) people who don't want to be hugged (X). Stop "play fighting" with Y. Drunk or not he has the ability to hurt you, intentionally or not, and you can't go complaining about it after the event, if you usually join in with the playing fighting. You said he expected you to push him back, so I gues you 2 normally "play fight" together?

Ok I find you very offensive. I am by no means a Drama queen that was very bitchy and completely unhelpful. I do not like attention in fact that is the complete ****ing opposite of what I actually want



X said I tried to hug him(thought I was coming on to him) I don't ever rememmber this happening, he was very drunk and I am 99.9% sure he confused me with someone else.
X is the Drama Queen in this situation.


Y has been a friend of mine for a few years. We mess fight, he got carried away I misunderstood. Thats all sorted out, no need for me to ignore Y as he did nothing wrong

I posted on my facebook about Y (me being upset a friend rejected my hug)

X who I am now scared of flipped his lid. He seemed to think i was posting about him(as if). A Bit paro me thinks and started saying all these hurtful things to me

X wont let it go. HE IS CREATING THE DRAMA NOT ME! I would'nt have even realised if he had not sent me a bitchy message on facebook. I just want toi be firends again. I DONT WANT ANY ATTENTION OFF ANYONE! I just want X to stop ebing such a child and forget about it as far as I am concerened nothing even happened

DigiGal

I am sorry If I am angry in this post but I am very upset about you characterising me as the exact opposite of what i am

I am a quiet, shy girl who is socially awkward. I liek to stay out of the limelight as much as possible, I hate drama, I hate attention.

I am by no means being a drama queen as I have apologised to everyone, despite me not being in the wrong. I have gone about as normal being nice to eveyone. It is not my fault that X is paranoid and loves drama and dragging things out.

I just want to go about my everyday life I ahve enough things to worry about and college work to focus on to be getting caught up in silly things but I don't deserve to feel uncomfortable in college

Overheal

DigiGal wrote: »

On thursday night I was having drinks with a few people in college and apparently tried to hug person X he misconstrued my gesture and thought I was hitting on him(I have a bf for 6 years and just....no lol)


Later in the night Person Y a friend whom I know a while was locked and I went to give him a hug goodbye, he pushed me on to the ground, obviously I was pretty upset and confused by this, especially because I was drunk.

When I was upset I posted on facebook about the above incident with person Y Saying i was upset a friend would reject a hug.


Person X thought this was about him but really it wasn't, I didn't even notice he didn't hug me tbh,

To make a long story short person X who i considered a good friend got pretty pissed at me and now I have to see him every single day in college. all his friends are my friends and tey were all giving me dirty looks etc on Friday. I really don't understand what i did wrong
I'm really upset and this is the last thing I need. Shoudl I just stop speaking to him???This is so childish and such a stupid thing to have a fight about. Part of me just wants to stay away from him, if he is this kind of person

I think if X Y and Z here had layed off the jug of XXX this would never have been an issue.

Being "Locked" rarely solves anything and very frequently causes drama.

I would not have made a deal of it (on facebook or anywhere else) or taken it personally. It was alcohol induced BS. You wake up the next day and Write the Rest Off. End of.

DigiGal

Overheal wrote: »

I think if X Y and Z here had layed off the jug of XXX this would never have been an issue.

Being "Locked" rarely solves anything and very frequently causes drama.

I would not have made a deal of it (on facebook or anywhere else) or taken it personally. It was alcohol induced BS. You wake up the next day and Write the Rest Off. End of.

That is exactly! what I want to do. would you please email X and tell him this lol.

The whole thing with me and y was stupid, Its not really that I wanted help with. It was easily fixed.

Its just X. he wont let his misunderstanding go...

Overheal

Fughettabout it /he says, as Italian and fat as possible.

Its his problem. If you keep worrying about it, you're kinda validating it. Dismiss it, ignore it. He'll realise he's getting nowhere with it and (eventually) drop it. You don't need to appease him. If you think the whole thing is ridiculous, Tell him. X your being ridiculous. SPOOOOOOOOOOON!!! /Tick Ref - I just assume youd shout Spoon at that point when he brings it up on the next night out.

DigiGal

Hi Mods

you can go ahead and close this thread please. I have gotten some very valuable advice and I think I can sort the rest myself. Otherwise Its just going to decend into arguements about hugging someone


Thanks everyone for the help

DigiGal

Overheal wrote: »

Fughettabout it /he says, as Italian and fat as possible.

Its his problem. If you keep worrying about it, you're kinda validating it. Dismiss it, ignore it. He'll realise he's getting nowhere with it and (eventually) drop it. You don't need to appease him. If you think the whole thing is ridiculous, Tell him. X your being ridiculous. SPOOOOOOOOOOON!!! /Tick Ref - I just assume youd shout Spoon at that point when he brings it up on the next night out.

Probably not Spoon, fool most likely lol

Thats great advice thanks for that.

The Recliner

Closed at OP's request